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Deterioration

I'm trying to fight it but my bone marrow is malfunctioning big time.

The campaign and the petition are flying (laters Forsyth) and this could be a very interesting week - watch this space.

As for me the disease is now starting to become more and more obvious.

My energy levels are terrible because I am not making enough red blood cells to carry oxygen around my body.

I can't focus and I'm noticeably more sluggish than I should be.

Getting up feels like I'm lying under a cover of rubble that needs strength I no longer have to lift from me.

But I still get up and I still keep going.

Visually it is alarming to actually see that my blood is no longer clotting as it should.

platelets.jpg

All over my left arm I have little bruises that look like a rash.

On the sides of my mouth there are dark patches where there have been bleeds that are still just healing.

I don't get nose bleeds but at the back of my throat I can smell blood constantly.

My chest is still infected and I seem to have picked up a sore throat.

Week on week this is getting harder.

I'm not finished yet though.

Tomorrow I will be in hospital all day having a couple of bags of blood and hopefully some platelets too.

This should pick me up a bit.

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Comments (143)

jane bailey:

keep strong you are an inspiration to so many people good luck tomorrow

jane x

Kay:

Bless your heart Adrian, my prayers continue for you, hugssssssss

April:

I read you almost every day. I am speechless. If we could all be as courageous and giving to the world as you, this world would be a better place. You are, in every sense of the word, a Super Hero.
And a true inspiration. Hang tough.

Anonymous:

Thinking of you matey

Caitlin Magee:

Hi Adrian:

Hope the bags of blood in the hospital do pick you up. Thinking of you every day.

Got some more people interested in bone marrow donation. I'm still talking it up to anyone and everyone.

Hels:

Keep fighting it Suds! Don't give up yet. You've made such a difference to so many lives, so many people love and care for you. Thanks to your blog, people you've never even met are saying that you've changed their whole perspective on life, including me!

Hang on in there pal, we still need you.

Hels xXx

Beth:

Dear Adrian,
Seems the big C decided to shout a big "F*^K YOU" right back. I'm glad you're still getting up and fighting back even though it's obviously so increasingly difficult.
I don't know if it helps, but you have the strength of many people behind you, holding up the rubble as best we can with our hopes and thoughts and prayers.
To say you inspire me is a vast understatement.
Congrats on an awesome campaign Adrian. So so many people will benefit from your fight. We all benefit from your life every day. How proud your family must be! How proud we are!
Fight on Adrian!
Beth
USA

I'm sorry.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
((hugs))

kerry:

You are the most bravest person I have never met! I hope you get to read this comment. today I emailed all my contacts and sent them your petition and the link to your blog. they will forward it to their contacts and slowly but surely the word will get round even more.
Stay strong... you've made such a difference and please don't ever forget that.

My thoughts are with you and i admire you so very very much
Much love to you

Kerry-jane xxx xxx

Anonymous:

Adrian,
There is still much work to do...go get the blood and platelets tomorrow and keep up this campaign.
I've asked Teenage Cancer Trust to promote the campaign on their website.

Diane x

Margaret:

Dear Adrian,

Yay for those bags of blood and platelets! Here's hoping they make you feel better, less out of breath, more energetic, and help your blood clot and you fight the sore throat, lung infection.

It is so hard to read your words as you feel worse and less like the party animal I am so glad you recently got to be. Thank you for, even now, taking the steps to reach out to the world and lay your real cards on the table. Besides helping those in the throws of leukemia or just diagnosed, your description of your deterioration gives those of us from far and wide who have come to care deeply about you (you really are a charmer!:), a chance to see what you see, and a chance to try to prepare for losing you.

Extraodinary souls (YES, you!) like yours don't come around often enough. Thanks for your generosity with yours.

Take good care of yourself. You sure deserve rest and pampering as you have taken care of so many others with your blog, campaign, and petition.

Margaret (USA)

Terri GottFree:

I am so sorry to hear all of this that is happening to you, I wish there was something I could do for you....you are to be admired for the strength that you have, to keep getting up everyday and do the things you need to....Terri :)

Amanda Waldron:

Hi Adrian

Hope you're feeling a bit better after your treatment. I've written to all my friends tonight to ask them to join your petition. Meanwhile, you're in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for keeping writing.

Amanda

a friend:

youand your family are in my prayers..God speed to you

Richard Porritt:

Sudders,

So sorry I missed the party old boy. It looks like you all had fun though.

It is great to see you're battling on. You've got true Northern grit and I'm very proud of you.

RP

anjana temple:

Your insight into your predicament is humbling. I experienced that with my father who told me several months before he passed away, that he was simply waiting for the inevitable. Obviously he was much older, but he had suffered so much in the last few years and as every form of treatment failed, he never complained once, but simply stoically waited almost with a sense of relief, like yourself.

I learnt something from it. I learnt how to be there, just there. I learnt to reconcile and accept his situation, to the extent that when he passed away, I was grateful for his release. But you know that has'nt stopped me from questioning all things you must have asked too.

By the way love your looks, the better one being without the hat. Very sexy.

Embi:

So sorry to read this... I am thinking of you and praying for a miracle - or at least the most painless passing to the next stage. Whatever happens please know you have made a difference to thousands, probably millions of people around the world. God bless you and your family and friends.

Diane:

Adrian,

This is my first post, though I've been reading your blog for a while now. I check in daily... to laugh, to cry (sometimes both), and just to see how you are. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. You are in my thoughts.

Take care,

Diane (US/Virginia)

Anonymous:

Dearest Adrian

You can read all the articles in the world about leukaemia but you are the only person who describes it as it is, in layman's terms for us all to understand . Thank you for your honesty and generosity of spirit to share this with us. I will wait with great interest to hear about the progress of your petition and campaign. Most of all I am thinking of you and wishing you lots of love and hugs. Hope the transfusion gives you the boost you need.

Sally x

Dearest Darling Bald and Beautiful,

I so hate to hear the cancer is raging and keeping you tired and bruised. It just sucks, but then again you already know that I'm sure.

Here's hoping you are surrounded by the funniest and most loving folks the world has to offer. May they keep you in hugs, love and laughter through all that cancer throws your way.

You are a light of inspiration, information, and hope during the storm. You are a leader and a honorable man. Our cancer brought our paths together, but your drive and wit have captured my heart.

Dream well, live large, and laugh often. You did it all my friend. Keep on.

Mizpah,
Rhonda

Alyce Toombs:

Adrian,

My family and I are sending you positive thoughts and prayers for strength and comfort. You have made an impact on this crazy world beyond anything that you could have imagined. Thank You !

Have a Happy Day,
Alyce Toombs
California , USA

Keep fighting the fight hun!! Your doing a sterling job and are a true inspiration to all of us.

We are thinking of you! Emx

Henny:

God be with you we all are!

Charlotte Newall:

Take care of yourself, there are plenty of people up and down the place taking up your campaign (myself included). I promise I'll do all I can to help with the it and move it forward in my local area. You've been in my thoughts a lot lately - I've even done the praying thing!!
I hope the transfusions you receive today do make you feel a lot better. it's always good to hear how you're getting on even though it's hard to read at times (I imagine it's hard work for you writing a blog at present!) Can't think what else to write - except I'm thinking of you - and ditto what everyone else has already said!

All my love and best wishes Charlotte xx

Dan McCole:


Hi Adrian

You do whatever you have to, and if that includes rest ,then do it . You decided to shoulder the burden of changing a government policy and I will try my best to do what I can to bring your petition to the notice of others and try to get them to support it .

Respect Dan

Thinking of you with love Adrian, and your family too

Yvette xxx

Angela:

Thinking of you. Stay strong.

Margaret:

Hi Adrian,

Feel SO sad today, you don't deserve this - who does?

Have to remember how much laughter you've given us throughout all this. If you really have to leave us, I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before you will be making your presence felt again!

Peace and love to you and yours.
Margaret. XXX

Kara:

Hi again

Just wanted to say that it made me very sad to read your most recent entry.

This blog is so beautifully written, it feels like I know you and therefore, this situation makes me very sad.

Is treatment really no longer an option whatsoever? It seems such a waste...

What are your plans going forward? I dont mean the campaign plans, but things for you...

K xx

Tony Dolton:

Hi Adrian. Glad you're still fighting and showing us what a precious thing life is.

I think the campaign is a great thing - as a stem cell donor myself, I can confirm that it's no big deal physically, but definitely one of the best things I've ever done, and can only urge other people to think about doing the same.

Sue Leighton:

Dear Aidy, we are still praying for you here in Glossop every day. I talked about you and your campaign to our young people on Sunday night. You were right about the confusion, not only did all of them think bone marrow donation was painful one of them thought you couldn't do it while you were alive. I will keep on talking when ever I get the opportunity. Love to you and your family, especially your Mum, Sue(Mark Leighton's Mum)

Marzieh:

Dear Adrian,

Your positivity in the face of illness and pain astonishes me. You wanted to improve other people's lives and leave a lasting legacy by campaigning for more donors. I applaud your efforts but your whole attitude to illness is itself a great legacy of hope for anyone going through a difficult experience. I hope you realise just what a difference you've already made.

I wish you all the very best Adrian.

Marzieh, Sheffield UK

Nicola Sloanes:

Hoping and praying that your hospital visit helps you feel better. Thinking of you.
Nikki ;)

Just adding my good wishes...
India

Clare:

Hey Adrian

Still reading your blog, still laughing and crying along with the other thousands of people it seems are reading it too, still making sure your message gets out.

Sorry to hear you're feeling rough, hope the blood gives you the pick you up you sound like you need.

I don't know you but I think about you every day - how you're feeling, what you're doing, how your family are. Keep smiling Adrian, you've moved people and changed lives to an extent that you'll never be able to comprehend.

Take care,
Clare xx

Cheryl Thompson:

Morning Adrian

So sad to read that things are not as good as they were. Take care of yourself, and let others do that for you too.

This fantastic runaway train of a campaign your courage and determination have started is carrying on and will make a difference.

Lots of love, hope the red stuff you're getting today picks you up a bit :-)

Cheryl xx

Clare:

You are an inspiration and anything I say will be totally inadequate, all I can do is echo what every one else has said. Keep battling and my thoughts are with you. X

Amy:

I can only echo the sentiments of everyone elsewho has commented - we are all sending our love and I'm sure we'll all do our best to further your campaign long after you're gone.
You have started this, and so we won't stop until your goal has been achieved!
Keep smiling, gorgeous!
Amy
xxxxx

jane-mary:

About 1am this morning I heard you speak on radio4. Interrupted my insommnia reading ...bah humbug. I listened anyway. Nice accent and delivery. You get the job. lol

Get writing the book on how to deal with this. At least dictate to a friend. I suppose the blog is here so its half written.

You say ...watch this space......are you about to be knighted?????? oh yes sir no sir. Get some ermine.... you would look good in fur. lol
Beanie hats are not quite the same. Hats are itchy. I could crochet you one. Oh I dont think you need that. Us old women wear scarves...no not muslim ones, but they do cover a multitude and keep the head warm.

de dah I cant write any more cos with a small brain I have run out of ideas. Or maybe lost some grey matter.

dear boy you are a joy.

Jane-mary with grey love

Hannah:

Thinking of you. xxxx PS Just started reading this blog last week - it's a brilliant blog.

Laura Valentine:

I check your blog everyday to see how you're getting on and so far you've been nothing but a pillar of inspiration and strength to me.

Hang in there Adrian! Hope tomorrow goes well for you. :)

Laura x

Alison Collington:

Hi Adrian

Have just emailed everyone I know to read your blog and sign the petition. Time for you to fight for you and we'll do the rest!
Keep strong!

Alisonx

Jessica:

(((((((HUG))))))

Cheryl:

Thinking of you Adrian. You have made such a huge difference to so many people and the vital information about bone marrow donation is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of what you have taught people. XXX

Jen:

We're all thinking of you.

Michelle (Florida):

You have made an impact on so many already. Please do what you need for yourself now, Adrian. Rest and take care of you!

Thinking of you!
Michelle

Felicia:

There's an adage that states a great man is known not by what he proclaims, but by what the people proclaim of him. You are a great man. And from reading your blog I know you dislike being thought of as brave, yet you have no choice but to accept the people's opinion of you: A testament to the greatness of the human spirit.

You are loved. Bless you.

Christina:

Fingers crossed the blood does the trick. Thinking of you.

Christina

Merideth:

I am thinking about you, and I have spread the word to everyone I know about your blog and your cause. Get some rest now and know that others are carrying your message and continuing to fight for your cause. You have fought an amazing fight so far, and you have and will continue to make a difference in the lives of so many, and not just people with cancer, but also with people that have read this blog and been touched by it. BIG HUGS and love and positive vibes from the U.S. ♥

Merideth

Lorraine Fyson:

Hi Adrian

Have been reading your website and you are an inspiration to us all. It is so nice to see that you are still making entries on your blog to let us all now how you are. After reading your site I did not realise how many shortages there are for bone donors etc and because of your blog I have contacted Anthony Nolan to become a donor.

Keep enjoying life and best of luck with your campaign. I will keep reading your blog. x

Sarah C:

Bonjour Adrian

I am certainly spending far too much time reading your blog when my boss thinks I'm hard at work!! But I have visited it almost everyday since I discovered you on the BBC news web page and have become as attached to you and your battle as everyone else. I take my hat off to you for your bravery and energy in facing your illness. You have put the internet and your blog to great use in awakening people to the extremely dire need for bone marrow donors. I will spread the word in froggyland where I live and wish you all the peace and wellbeing you deserve... Bon Voyage Adrian xxx PS I love your beanie.

Nic:

Just wanted to stop lurking for a moment to send you loads and loads of good wishes. I have followed your story for a while now and wanted you to know that I (and many other people, as you can tell!) am thinking about you and hoping that today's red stuff will give you the extra energy you need. You are making such a difference; I know at least 15 people who are now in the process of becoming donors and you have also had a massive positive psychological impact on many more people than you can imagine.

Sending you a huuuge hug and smile from sunny Leeds

Nic x

Hannah:

Hi Adrian,

Just wanted to let you know that I saw you on BBC breakfast and have since joined the register. You're extremely brave, and I wish I could somehow take the leukemia away.

Han x

Bill:

you are amazing.
I don't need to tell you anything except that you have helped millions.
Thank you.

Cath:

Hope you have some more strength after the trip to hospital today, big hugs xx

Love and Light
lots of it
Annie

Kim:

Adrian,

It sounds like you just need to become a vampire to keep up with need for fresh blood!

I hope it all works out for you today. (Don't worry about posting too many of those pictures your friend works up.. they are great!)

Keep your boxing gloves on and continue fighting.

Kimberly Parr
Cincinnati, OH
USA

CHANEL FIRTH:

Hi Adrian please stay stong. It breaks my heart to read this. I wish I could do something save you. I am letting everyone I know about you and want you to know pryars are out there in the world for you!
Chanel

pamela:

sending love keep fighting xxx

Debra:

Adrian ----- YOU ROCK MY DEAR!!!------YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!!!

Love and prayer to you,
Debra
USA MS

Tina K.:

Good luck Adrian! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong and don't give up. Your determination is truly inspiring and refreshing.

God Bless!

Tash:

Sending best wishes, love and prayers that tomorrow is a better, stronger day.

Leanne:

Hi Adrian!

I have been reading your blog for the past few months. Everyday i log in, i laugh, cry and think about you a lot.

Im so sad to hear your not having a good time of late. Fingers crossed you will a bit better after your blood.

I know you dont like the word brave but thats excatly what you are.....and quite good looking if i may add! (",) hehe cheeky!!!

Thinking of you

Hugs

Leanne (Ireland) xx

Claire:

Hi Adrian, like many others I find your blog compelling & check it daily. I was very moved when reading todays update..I think about you and what you're going through alot, and echoing many others I hope tomorrows transfusions bring you some relief..

I have to admit I'm still trying to pluck up the courage to put my name on the register. I'm a tad squeemish when it comes to blood...but if I ever needed it and was told no sorry there's no bone marrow available everyone's too squeemish I'd be most put out ! We kind of assume it'll be there when / if we need it, even when we don't donate our own...oh sod it..I've talked myself into it xx

Gareth Goodall:

AD,

In all seriousness mate if you get to meet Roger Daltrey through the Teenage Cancer Trust I'll be pi**ed off, OK?

kat:

Hi Adrian,

I have been checking up on you daily and thank you for putting yourself out there. It is helping a lot of people. I hope you know that. Hoping you are feeling better after some blood and hoping you have better days. Keep strong and enjoy every minute.

Kat from Boston

Moll:

You are in my thoughts a lot – I hope today went okay.
X

Liz Boffey:

Hello Adrian

Good to hear from you despite the rough time you`re having.
Hopefully, the blood will do its job and you will feel better tomorrow.
You all have our support at this time.

Best Wishes to you & your family
Liz

Jenn:

Hope the platelets do the trick and help you feel better. Hang in there, Adrian. We're praying for you. -J

Keep your chin up!
I'll add you to my prayer list.

Greg Iredale:

Adrian,

I know that you will keep on fighting. The blood and platelets will certainly make you feel better.

Thinking of you.

Greg

Catherine:

Hey Adrian,

Hope the blood and platelets will provide some energy and invigoration for you as much as possible.

You still managed to make me laugh with your 'laters Forsythe' comment, hehe.

Thinking of you lots!

Catherine x

Kib:

Amazing bloke and you're hitting the mark.You have personally made me get of my arse and do something BUT...... I emailed the blood donor group about registering for bone marrow(I am already a blood donor),a week goes by and no response.I email again and after a week,no response.In the end i rang them and found out i need to tell them at my next blood donor session but im disapionted in the response.They are either desperate for donors or they are not.The work youve been doing is amazing but its being let down further along the line.I will be on that register at my next donation anyway and its thanks to you.Top man

Amanada Nunn:

I hope today went well Adrian and you are feeling a bit stronger. However remember you enjoy your time, your campaign will continue by way of your friends and supporters on here x

jaqui phillips:

Hiya Adrian

As per the above comments hope todays transfusion gives you the much needed energy you require. All the comments you are receiving must be enormously comforting and provide a welcome diversion. I have never written and deleted so many times so many thoughts, it is so difficult to know what to say but there is so much you feel that you would like to say, so simply put your a trooper keeping on trooping !!!

Jx

Alison North:

Hi Adrian,

My heart goes out to you. I first became aware of your campaign when I saw you on the bbc news. You are reaching and helping so many people with your refreshing honesty. A true inspiration. My nephew has been battling leukaemia for past 18 months. Thank you for your help. Thinking of you everyday.

Ali X

Helen:

Just found your blog and I am reading with my 17 year old son - a sample of the sixth formers you want educated. He thought you had to be dead to