Moving into the closing stages

Adrian

Well, what can anyone say to your post. Obviously we all know the inevitable was going to happen, but the fact that we may only have another couple of weeks with you is breaking my heart. The way you and your family are coping with this is unbelievable.

Being a Nottingham Panthers fan I'm a bit dubious about venturing into Sheffield but for you Adrian, I'll be there.

Take care for now

Love as always

Lisa x

Adrian,
At this point my wish for you is peace. You are a very brave person who has made a difference for so many today and so many in the future. Although this was very hard for me to read I think about you often and wonder how you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Do what is best for you.

cheryl

Not that our journey is anything like yours, but I remember when we first got Bianca's diagnosis, the bit that I found the hardest was not having control. And once I got some control back it became manageable.

Even though this is a very hard post, it is good to see that you took back some of the control.

I am incredibly sad that your journey is coming to an end, but am incredibly happy that I had the chance to follow your journey for a bit.

What you are going through, I can't even begin to understand or imagine, but I admire you for your courage and your inspiration and I say thank you for all you have taught me.

Hugs all the way from New Zealand. Well, Auckland, New Zealand to be exact!

Lea White (mum of Bianca)
http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com

Aidrian

I have never posted on a blog before but have ready yours avidly from the start. You have made me laugh and cry with equal measure. I don't know what to say only God Bless.

Lindy Lou

Sweetheart, I'm glad you have come to a decision that you and your family are comfortable with. As mentioned yesterday, its your journey, and your choice to make. I think any of us who have cared for a loved one in a similar situation know that there comes a time to set that person free to choose when to stop battling and find some sort of acceptance of their situation. I hope you are peaceful where you are, surrounded by those you love and who love you. Its time for all of us to let you go too. May your remaining time be full of laughter and love, peace and comfort.

With all my love

Cheryl xx

Dear Adrian,

is amazing how you remain so positive in such hard times not just for you but your family and friends.
Tears just rolled down my face as i was reading this entry.
I don't even know you, but feel like i do, and somehow i feel extremely close to you.
People say God works in mysterious ways, perhaps he wants his Angel (YOU) next to him, but i wish he would let you stay here with your friends & family and let you be the way you were a couple of years ago (healthy). Ur such a great, amazing, intelligent guy, and you did not deserve this disease (no one does).
All i can say & hope is that you wont be in any more pain now and when the time comes.
One day when i have kids, i will tell them about you, as to me you will be a *HERO*.

Lots of love
To you Adrian and all your family

claudia xxx

Portugal

Hi Adrian,
I was thinking about you last night and reading your post (it's early Sunday morning now in Aust), my heart was breaking. I can't imagine how hard it was for you and your family to be planning your funerals. We all know the inevitable will happen (to us all) but I too can't imagine not having you here either. You are in everyone's thoughts at the moment and I hope and pray, (and I'm not really the praying kind), that it's a peaceful end. You've achieved a great deal and have provided so much for so many people around the world and will certainly leave a very positive mark. I feel incredibly humble to have known you and been (a small) part of your journey. You and your family remain in my thoughts and I hope everything goes well tomorrow with the specialist.
Take care and big hug, Stef xox

Adrian, not many of us will ever be able to say we've run our course without regret. I envy you to a degree; not to make light of your discomfort and the tragedy of it all but to have the opportunity to know and to prepare and to keep your family and dear ones close is such a tremendous thing. You've had an opportunity to fight for a cause. To leave the world changed and to find peace in your relationships. What a tremendous blessing that must truly be. I wish you the best and while I don't wish your struggles on anyone I do wish we all had the chance to get straight before we left. Congratulations on your life friend. Cheers to you from across the pond!

Rollin Skinner
SLC, UT, USA

You know, Superheroes live on forever, in a way. I am sad. I have never met you and I am sad that you are, well, going. You are so brave in the face of mortality; you make it look easier than I am sure it truly is for you on the other side of the internet.

I don't even recall how I came across your blog, but I know I am very grateful that I did. You have given so much to so many. You have taught lessons that often aren't able to be taught from your position. Your courage, strength, and passion for life have been utterly inspiring.

Adrian, I will continue to post, though I'm not sure you will have the time or energy to continue reading all of your fan mail. I just want you to know that you are truly an amazing person and will be greatly, greatly missed.

Adrian,

As all have said, you're in inspiration. Please know that whatever route you choose to take will be supported. You deserve no less. You are in my daily thoughts and prayers. God Bless You.

Jim

Oh Adrian... this post really affected me.
The poignancy of it, the sadness that your journey is coming to an end.. coupled with happiness that you have finally been able to take control of some elements of this cruel, cruel disease and are surrounded by family and friends who love you.
May love, peace and comfort be yours in the time you have left with us, AD.
I would also like to thank you for all I have learned from you in terms of priorities should lie in life, living life to the full and putting 110% into everything.. thank you also the incredible inspiration you have been and for the indelible AD shaped mark you have left on all our lives.
Much love,
Laura
XX

My God.
I knew it was coming, and yet... there was always that teeny tiny bit of hope in the back of my childish mind that said "But maybe!"
I'm sad for myself, for your family and friends, but Adrian I'm happy for you that you've still maintained some control over your destiny. I hope it's smooth sailing for you from here on out. I hope and pray that you're not in pain anymore. My only regret is that I never got to give you a "real" hug. But, really maybe it's best this way. That was all you needed was some hysterical Texan sobbing on your shoulder about how much you meant to her and how she'd never forget you. That said, I will never, ever forget you. Ever.

Love,
Lacey

Adrian,

I haven't "known" you for very long, but I will miss reading your words (what an awesome writer you are). I wish you peace in your final days. And, I am going to pray that your passing is as pain free as possible.

You will be missed, but never forgotten! God bless you, Adrian. We'll get to meet you someday.......

Stacy
USA

Well done. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Patty Honeycutt
North Carolina, USA

Adrian

Boy - that was hard to read. Like many others I've been following your story for several weeks and yet somehow seemed to forget the inevitable ending. This blog is your little bit of immortality. :-)

I've put off commenting before now, at a loss for what to say to someone going through what you are with such bravery and positivity. But I'm about to head off on holiday and I hate the thought that I might miss the chance to 'talk' to you.

I've often come to this blog to cheer myself up - odd as that might seem. It reminds me to truly appreciate what I have and make the most of life when the little day-to-day annoyances get me down. I will remember you and I'll try my best to remember that lesson.

Jen
xxx

p.s. I promise you I'll join the bone marrow register as soon as I'm eligible again - I got my ears pierced recently!

I don't know how you do it because what you are experiencing is horrific and cruel.

I wish you weren't leaving us but I hope that your last few weeks are as painfree as possible.

My thoughts are with you and your family. You are all amazing.
Alison x

Adrian,

Thanks for everything, mate. I have said this before, but it continues to be an honor to read your words and follow your life. I wish I had something profound or inspirational to say, but I don't. Just thanks and I hope you know how many lives you have touched.

With love and utmost respect,

Ann
North Carolina, USA

You are a truely inspirational man.

Much love and thoughts,

Lou
xxx

Hi Adrian,

I'm not ashamed to say I've had a little cry. But the tears are mixed with some relief and dare I say it - happiness, that you've taken control again and that this is your decision.

After the last post you wrote, I don't think anyone on this earth would want you to be suffering for any longer like you were on Friday. Hopefully now as Lacey said, everything can be managed so that it can be as simple and painfree as possible in these last weeks.

The strength you and your family have just astounds me, it's not even remotely surprising you found it heartbreaking planning your funerals and I'm in awe of you all (for about the millionth time) for finding some positive in all of this.

As others have said too (sorry I'm copying everyone), thank you so much for sharing your journey with us and speaking so honestly all the time. I feel so lucky to have found this blog and shared in your journey.

I hope you get the chance to spend as much time as possible with your family and friends over the coming weeks whilst making sure you keep comfortable.

This is far too morose a post by me so, I hope we get to share in this small way with you a lot more in the coming couple of weeks but never ever if it means you suffer more than you have been doing recently.

Take care Adrian and lots of love to you, yours and everyone on here.

Toni xxxx

Hard to know what to say, except best wishes to you, and I hope your remaining time is as comfortable as possible, and that you and your family and friends can make the best of it. And that service in Sheffield is going to be fantastic!

P.S. I recently got my 12 month update post donation, and my "bone marrow buddy" is, as far as I can tell, 100% well. Get on the register, everyone! I'm just sorry your story didn't work out so well. Take care.

Dearest Adrian,

Your post is so profound...I cannot find words to even comment. All I want to say is God Bless you, Adrian. May God hold you and keep you close through the next phase of your journey. Soak up all the love you can from family and friends and enjoy knowing how deeply you are loved by so many. You have left a beautiful mark on this world. You should be very proud of yourself. I'm quite sure your family and friends are more proud of you than you'll ever know.

May you find the peace you are so deserving of.

Hugs and love to you, your family and friends.

Thank you for being you. You will be greatly missed.

God Bless you, Adrian. Love, hugs and prayers always!

Shannon
Indiana, USA

Dearest, dearest Adrian,
It's been such a quiet couple of days and I think it's safe to say that your blog family knew this was coming but didn't want to admit it.
Through your honest, clear, compassionate writing you have made us laugh, made us cry but above all you have made us all better people.
I said earlier today that whichever road you chose we would all be with you every step of the way as we have been for the past months.
I am proud to have shared your journey and will help in any way I can to keep the campaign alive.
I hope that your final steps will be comfortable and pain free.
Hoping you can feel all the love being sent your way from all over the world.
Thankyou, lovely Adrian and safe journey.
Never, ever will I forget you or let you be forgotten !
Love, kisses, hugs and soothing thoughts as usual to you, dearest Adrian, your wonderful mum and dad, your beautiful sister and your friends and your blog family who like me are going to find your last days hard to bear.
Christine M. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

my dear Adrian, I've just returned from 2 weeks away with no internet access and one of the first things I did was look for your blog.
I dont know what to add to whats already been said, except to reiterate what a brave courageous man you have shown us
I pray that your end, when it comes, is as peaceful and painfree as it can be and may God bless you and keep you in His loving care.
Special hugs to the family
Kay x

Adrian

Like everybody else who has posted on here I have been with you every stretch of the way!

This illness has robbed you of so much - your present and your future. The only things you can control are your past and the way in which you choose to go.

I admire you in your strength in the decision you have now made to draw your life to its conclusion in your own way and your own time.

This earth will be the poorer without you on it Adrian but the legacy you leave behind will make us all the richer.

So I offer my heartfelt hope that your remaining time upton this earth is as peaceful, painless and perfect as it can be!

Good Luck Adrian, the angels will be gathering right now to meet you - cant type anymore for the tears!

Andrea
x

Adrian,
You are amazing, and I will miss you terribly. Thank you for everything you have done, and for allowing us all to be a part of your journey.

With love!
Michelle

Adrian,

This was such a hard blog post to read and I am so sorry that your journey is drawing to a close.

I really don't know what else to say, other than I hope that for you, the end is peaceful and pain free.

Sending many hugs to you and your family

Take care

Wanda

Oh Adrian, We are all so saddened to let you go. You are truly remarkable! How many things have you taught me? Let me count the ways-they are indeed too numerous to list. I will forever be changed after getting to know you through your blog. You have taught me to cherish life all the more and to be less self-centered. Hopefully, my prayers for you are deeply felt inside your soul. I am in awe of God who created the wonderful human being, Adrian Sudbury to live on this earth to be such an example to so many people. You have left a place in my heart and I will never forget you! Your friend from the USA(Tennessee), Leigh Ann

I can't put into words how I am feeling now. You have touched so many people. I wish you peace and I want you to know that even though we never met I will miss you.
God Bless

Carol xxxx

Thank you for sharing the nitty-gritty, practical side of your journey as well as the emotional and physical struggle. None of your readers have any claim on tomorrow but it is so easy to assume we will all be here when you are gone. I am healthy right now (as far as I know), but so were you just before your diagnosis. There are no guarantees I won't be hit by a car tomorrow but it is guaranteed that one day I will die. Until then, I want to live, with wonder and gratitude for the day I have today. I want to have my 'affairs' organised (will, donor card, living will etc) so that if the 'unexpected' happens sooner than 'expected' my family will know what to do.
We have never met, and words may be the only way our worlds intersect but I want you to know that your time here is appreciated. Will be appreciated and remembered. Thank you.

God speed to you and safe and peaceful journey...you will be greatly missed BUT never forgotten...prayers for all of you

Adrian, you're a hero, and i'll definately be attending your funeral when it happens.

Dear Adrian,

What a wonderful person you are! I'm thankful that you have been able to take control again and that there are family and friends that will care for you. My prayer now is that you feel God wrap His loving arms around you and take you home. I'll see you there some day!

Living for Him!

Dana
Texas

Thank you so much for this post. A strange response, maybe. Even after a couple of glasses of wine, I am lucid enough to feel - well, I suppose, grateful. Grateful in the sense that you're feeling better, emotionally, than you were on Friday. I'm grateful that you can take an overview of the situation, are able to tie up loose ends and like someone else commented, take back a little control.

Some of our prayers may have already been answered. I've prayed (in my own little way) that everyone would have the grace to accept the 'inevitable' in the end. Although we've all hoped for that miracle, more than anything, we've wanted you to be at peace. No one wants you to lead a miserable 'half' existance.

Why, oh why should this matter so much to me, a total stranger? Well, I feel so bloody helpless, even guilty that I have my health and should make more of my life. I guess I see in you every single person whom I have lost - and to whom I never had the chance to properly say goodbye. Appologies if this sounds a little self indulgent or even patronising! I don't mean it to. I think your blog allows all of us this unique opportunity to show someone in your position just how widely loved and respected you are.

I really hope - well - I'd give anything, actually, for our comments, thoughts and prayers to ease things for you a little and maybe lighten your load.

Much love from one of many avid stalkers!!! Charlotte xx

Dearest Adrian,

I was thinking whether to read this post or not,but I managed to read.I am not sure if I have the courage to read the coming posts.Already my BP is so high,I hope I will not go crazy.

I have nothing to say dearest Adrian.God bless you and please god let him have a peaceful and painless few days.

I too can never forget you and I will not.You changed me a lot Adrian, but it is maddening that it is coming to an end like this.Even now sometimes I feel that I shouldn't have read this because it makes me so sad or whatever it is which noone can imagine.Then I think you changed me a lot,reminded me again to do something for the mankind before I leave this world.I hope god will help me in that matter soon.

I didnt tell anyone about your blog, sorry Adrian.The pain I went through reading your blog was too much, even now it is unbearable for me.So I decided I dont want anyone to go through that pain.So I am not sharing my feelings with anyone which makes me even harder to cope with this.

I hope god will give me enough strength to face this tragedy.
I am praying for that too, because I have noone to share this bad period I am going through, sorry I am being selfish...praying for myself and talking about my pain.
I always say that if there is a life after this I want to be a rock - with no feelings, because I can't see any livingthing suffer.

It was only 5.35am here when I started reading your blog, early morning jumped up and checked your blog...to read the saddest thing in my life.
When I started reading this post I thought my heart is going to burst...now little bit ok,I think god heard my SOS.To be frank Adrian , I just thought that I will hear some good news today from you, that some miracle did happen.

I appreciate your courage very much, that is something to learn from you, it is unbeleivable.To tell you the truth now I must have ended my life long back if I was in your place,now I will think twice before I do that because of YOU ADRIAN!!

I was in your country for nearly 2 years,now again I promise myself that I will visit again and visit your place where you live,and if your family dont mind a stranger I will visit them too.Liked your sister too , I saw one picture of both of you together,sister having many ,many similarities with you.

I am crying,will write later again.

Lots of love to Adrian,

Shiney

Well theres not much anyone can say on this post but we all knew this was coming. I have been reading this blog since the car died which is quite a while now. Hopefully the time you have left will be as comfortable as possible for you - nobody ever dies completely though - your memories still remain and so does all the hard work you have put into everything. You certainly won't be forgotten by anyone.

Im sure many many people will be attending the open funeral in sheffield.

Im sure everyone will agree with this - it has been a great honour to know you and you have been absolutely fantastic, such an inspiration to everyone and a real eye opener to many people - will be missed but never forgotten!

Vicky x

What a gift you have been to us all. Your fight will help countless people in the future and inspire them to fight. The legacy you leave will be one of strength and amazing beauty.

I'm so happy that even now, you are taking control of your situation. The compassion and love you obviously have for all your friends and family shows and what a blessing that you are able to spend your final days surrounded by so much love.

I love you and pray that you have peace and comfort in whatever time you have left. Thank you for the difference you've made in my life and in the lives of so many others. You are our angel.

Gloria
Texas, USA

New definition for the dictionary of life:

Adrian:
Brave, Inspirational, Amazing and Remarkable.

~ Barb from Melbourne Australia x x

Oh Adrian,

My tears flow for so many reasons - the obvious selfish sadness at the injustice of it all, but also out of relief and dare I say happiness that you will finally have release from the physical pain and emotional turmoil. You have fought so bravely and selflessly.

If it is at all possible I'll make it to Sheffield to say goodbye, though again my reasons seem somewhat selfish as the goodbye is for me, isn't it?

We keep saying that you've taught us all so much. Well, I for one have learned just how selfish I really am :)

Seriously though, I hope that your time is comfortable and pain free. I'm so proud of you, of the grace with which you have regained some semblance of control, of the consideration which you've shown to your family and friends. You are truly selfless.

I have no doubt that you will be swaddled in love (and your gran's dashing night gown) over the coming days. May your 'scheduled visits' be filled with laughter, memories of good times, and tight hugs.

Naively I too have also held out hope that just maybe all this love, all our collective energy could make a difference. I hoped against hope.

Fondest wishes to your mum and dad, to Carrie and all the rest of your family, your friends (those who've been lucky enough to spend time with you in person as well as all of us out here)

Ndinombethe - As I go, I am wearing you!

I will always wear you. You've changed me for the better. You've touched my soul. Left an indelible impression on my heart. You will always be remembered Adrian.

Tight hugs from Trinidad
Tash

Adrian,
I have never commented before and I do not know what to write that would make a bit of difference. You just won't know this side of heaven of the profound yet tender affect you have had on so many people's lives. I do not know anyone who would use an illness such as yours to educate people you do not even know. Eleven thousand people may have actually signed your petition, but do you have any idea how many people you have enlightened on this side of the world? It will be my pleasure to donate my blood marrow, especially in light of what I now know. I have never met you, but like others who have been so deeply affected by your blog, I feel like I do, and that thrills my heart. Thank you for being so open and sharing your life with us.

Love,
Susanna

When you can remember nothing else, remember that we love you.
A lot of us don't know you, but you have made us understand that you don't need to be old to have a heart that's huge or one that can contain all the love that it is meant to.

This is for your Mum and Dad: Mr and Mrs Sudbury a few years ago my daughter lost her son. My heart bled for her and I found the worst thing was that I could not help, other than to hold her, and that she didn't really want, she wanted to be able to hold her son. I therefore can slightly imagine the pain your' feeling now, but only slightly. I do hope that our thoughts and feelings are going towards you enough to help you through this awful time and that we can in some way help you and your family.

You have produced the most wonderful boy, he has done so much in his short life and if his decision is now to sleep then so be it.

I hope that for you all, and Adrian especially, that the next wee while is quiet and not too painful.

Love you all, and thinking of you. Perhaps someone will be able to let us know how things are going in the next few day, but only if you can bear it - not because we are stalkers or because we have some kind of vicarious interest but because we care.

Relax Adrian, take the most peaceful painless journey you can.

Hugs xxxxx (and an extra few for good measure - xxxxxxxxxxx)

Me again, just wanted to join in with Charlotte and Toni and toast to the Sudders effect.

I'll raise a glass to you tonight Adrian

(No it's not just an excuse to get sloshed on a rainy Saturday evening - thanks for reminding me about the weather Christine :)

To Adrian, a young man whose spirit has made waves around the world, inspired many thousands, reminded us that we can all make a difference perhaps even save a life. My words can't do you justice Adrian. To the Sudders effect.

Cheers!

xoxo
Tash

OOH YES Tash - I like that

TO THE SUDDERS EFFECT!!! :-)

and yes, I know I am shouting Adrian, but hey, that's a d**n good toast!

I love you - all the way to the moon and back. (and no, I'm not a stalker - though you look good in your paisley dressing gown - I'm old enough to be your mother)

Hugs

XXXXX

I just want to echo everything that Tash has just said really. (Sure it's a bit of a cop out, but I just happen to agree with everything that she said.)

Except my hugs come from London!

I think you have left an indelible impression on all our hearts Adrian...

Wow, just think - All those people with 'Sudders' stamped on their hearts from all around the world!?

Well done for taking control - top bloke to the end!!

Like Tash said, you will never be forgotten.
Love and peace to you all
x
Cheers! - To The Sudders Effect!

Adrian:
You are a brave soul and your family must be very proud of you. I am sorry that time is not on your side but it sounds like you have some great friends and family that will make this tolerable. I am sad that I did not have the opportunity to meet you but I know that your legacy will go on and many people will be saved because of the difference you have made. I shall drink a pint to you Adrian.
Love always
Teri B
California USA

I have been endlessly checking your blog today for an update and when I was woken just a little while by my little monkey of a son in the wee hours, I went straight for your blog.

I have to admit I've just had a little anxiety attack when I couldnt breathe, at reading your latest post, and I doubt I will be getting much sleep. The reality is that I think many reading this blog, myself included, haven't truly accepted that this has to come to an end.

I wish it didn't Adrian. I'm truly devastated for you, this is a tragedy beyond belief, I am so sorry.

But I don't want you to suffer. I love your blog so much that I would love to see you around in the Autumn but that is very selfish, so I simply wish you peace, no pain, no suffering. I hope you simply fall asleep, and I am sure the doctor I'd right.

It is a little morbid but having worked on a cancer wards all the patients I saw who died were so deeply asleep when they went that they didn't even have muscle tone, no eye movement, nothing. I hope that is of some comfort to you no matter how hard it is to broach the topic so many people are afraid of.

I would have loved to have met you but alas the children and having no car has prevented it, but you have touched my life and to say that I am upset and will miss you is an understatement.

Sending much love and thinking of you so often,
Caroline x

Adrian, All day before this recent post from you I have been asking God to cradle you. To put his hand on you and your family.
Thank you for touching my life in a way no one
ever has. This is the first and only blog I have ever been a part of and it has enriched me in ways I never dreamed possible. Because of you I will always be a better person than I was before. Sharing your journey has been a priceless gift. Thank you. I want to say goodbye now, dear Adrian while you can still read this.
Go well into your next journey, sweet man. I will miss you (isn't that something, since we have never met) and I will ALWAYS remember you and the remarkable, amazing things I have learned from you. Sweet dreams and Peace, Love
Debra (USA)

I have no clue how I came upon your blog but I am glad I did. You are an inspiration to us all and an incredibly brave and honest man. It has been an honor getting to know you through this blog. Thank you for allowing all of us 'in' :) Take care for now...I'll be praying for you.
Catherine (USA)

Dear Adrian

Here's wishing you Love and Light and gentle roads on your journey ahead.

You will always be in our hearts and a part of our lives..........

With much love
Annie
Steven's mom

I have never commented before, But I have been following for a while. I just wanted to say you are one of the strongest people I 'know' may God be with you and your family and may he bless your soul. Prayers for you all the way from Orlando, Fl.

God Bless
Melisa

Yes, absolutely:

"CHEERS! TO THE SUDDERS EFFECT!!"

Adrian~

After discovering your blog a few weeks ago, I have to admit that I have become a very faithful reader. Your story has moved me deeply, and as I mentioned in a previous comment, it left me inspired and in awe. Your story is amazing, and you are truly exceptional. I am sad to read this most recent post. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. As others have mentioned above, however, I admire that you have taken control of the situation and made decisions that reflect what is best for you. You seem such a strong person! So much stronger than myself. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! I hope you continue to feel okay, and that much comfort comes your way.

Thank you for who you are, Adrian. Although I've never met you or talked to you, you have made a difference in my life.

~Valerie from the United States

Adrian, you are an extrodinary person. I am in awe of your inner strength.

Dear Adrian,

I want to cry, but can't really. Because you know you are now ready...or as ready as anyone could be...and that somehow makes it easier for we "fans" of yours to cope. I think it is human nature to know when we've had enough and our time has come. We are all headed down the same road, some, sadly, sooner than others. Your journey has been filled with tremendous emotion, but you have made the very most of it. You should be so proud of all your accomplishments. The world will miss you, but you have made it a better place and your legacy will continue your work.

Now I'm crying.

Wishing you comfort and peace.

Jan from Washington, DC

Totally Agree:

"CHEERS! TO THE SUDDERS AFFECT!!"

Dear Adrian,

Thank you for taking your very precious energy and time to "break it to us gently" what we already somewhat knew about the final stages being near. You have given us all such a gift of your heart and soul. Your strength and courage will go on to help so many; me, our family and especially Ryan being only a few of multitudes. One last thing to tell you -

WELL DONE, YOUNG MAN !
YOU DID THIS LIFE THING IN GRAND STYLE !

You deserve to rest and pass peacefully.

I hope you are one of those who come to greet me when my time comes.

And - you KNOW, I am seriously counting on you to keep an eye on Ryan from above and petition The Good Lord on Ryan's behalf (with even a small amount of the same gusto you petitioned for all of those awaiting stem cells here on earth.)

Rest well in the love of those around you. And I hope you feel the presence of those around the world who love you.

Ryan is determined to send pictures of all his beloved trains for you to enjoy while you are "resting". We will do that tomorrow.

Love to you my dear.

Most devotedly yours,
Amy Patrick
(Ryan's mom)

I can't think of anything profound or even comforting to say. I don't know you personally but really wish I did. My husband and I are getting ready to go through in vitro treatments and knowing you are out there makes me wish I believed in reincarnation. Sounds a bit kooky, eh? I don't understand it myself but you have touched my life in a very profound way and left it a much better place than before I knew of you. I wish you peace, love and happiness in your final days.

Melanie in Oklahoma.

Stumbled across your words by way of research I am doing for a loved one. Wow....How lovely you are Adrian. Focused, real, astute, intelligent, emotional, joyful, goofy... and I, am all the better for having caught a glimpse. Inspiring my dear.. Thank you, for more than you may realize.

In peace - with love,
KJB

Adrian,
What a fool that girl was not to marry you. You are truly one of the bravest, down to earth, full of love people I have ever read about. You are an inspiration and we should all strive to be more like you.

You could have had a wonderful wedding with four months of memories together. Many women would have been honored to be the wife of a man like you.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope you ride off into the sunset with a smile on your face and love in your heart. And I hope you find that perfect wedding on the other side.

Just repeating what everyone is saying; I'm very sad to read that your life is coming to an end. You've been incredibly brave and done so much with the short time you've had. I hope you find comfort from your family and friends. I'm so sad for your parents, sister and friends, though I know they will always be grateful for this time they've had with you.

Please know that you are in the thoughts of people all over the world. Your legacy will live on for very long time. I'm sure your bone marrow campaign will save many lives. I hope there is very little pain and that the end is peaceful.

We knew the time would come to say goodbye dear Adrian, we never dreamed you would become so dear to us and make it so hard to say.

Please spend what time you have left in the comfort of your family and friends, and don't worry about your other family out here. I have a feeling those of us who've come to love you will find a way to support each other when you're no longer able.

We join your loved ones in rejoicing in a life well lived and in mourning a life too brief. It's obvious you are a remarkable human being and we will never ever forget you.

And so, I wish you a safe and peaceful journey dear Adrian. Thank you for letting us come along for the ride,and God speed my dear.

We love you Adrian!
Beth
USA

Adrian,
You sound like such a special person. I hate that you are having to go through so much pain. You are an inspiration to so many people.
Death is not the end if we have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as our
Saviour. The Bible tells us that all we have to do is confess our sins and ask Christ to forgive us, and accept the perfect gift of His love. He will do the rest. He longs for everyone to accept Him as their Saviour, and spend an eternity with no more sickness, pain or death.
I am praying that you know this peace .
God Bless You,
A Friend

Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. It's obvious by reading the comments posted here that so many people love and care about you... you've touched so many lives through this battle you've been fighting. Hoping that these weeks will be full of happy times and peaceful rest for you and your family and friends.

Adrian,
Tears roll down my face as I read your post. I always wished there to be a ''wow you'll never guess what happended, Adrian got better!!''. Then you'd be around to see what wonderful work you've done, knowing that peoples lives have changed forever because of you and that people will live because of the campaign. But now I know that won't happen and it breaks my heart.

Adrian, I hope the next few weeks are pain free and enoyable as you spend time with your friends and family - they must all be very proud of you, as we are, your 'extended' family.
You are, without a doubt, one in a million, and I thank you are sharing your life with us.

Sending lots of love, hugs & kisses from Calgary - you are in my thoughts, always.

Love

Janine

There will never be another Adrian. I feel blessed to have been able to follow your story.
May you go peacefully and surounded by loved ones.
Melinda
Texas

Wow. I am currently in the middle of a nice bottle of central california wine. of the merlot variety. it's coursing through my veins, and i think that's the only thing waring off this shock.

i guess we always knew this time would come. every time i saw a new post from you, i wonder if it's going to be the last one, or if it will be one from liam saying the inevitable.

i wish you peace. i wish you all the love. i am so proud of you, without even knowing you, of the courage and strength and rawness that you have.

i thank you from the bottom of my beach soaked feet for bringing us on your journey. you have touched SO many lives. we are that much better for knowing you.

you remind me of Anthony Glass. he was a fellow that battled cancer and blogged about it. his surviving wife is writing a book about him, and there are several foundations started under his name. he passed away in late july (wow), two years ago. anthonyglass.blogspot.com. more information at yorkrules.com

thank you for sharing your life. if i could hug you, i would do it after a night of drinking and i would probably grab your ass. i would most definitely grab your ass.

thank you again.

and i wish all the strength to your family and friends.

this is ridiculous. there's no way you just wrote this post.

ugh. fine.

yolanda

san diego, ca
usa

Dear Adrian,

I do not know if you continue to read our comments or not.This is actually for Poppy.I hope adrian is not going to read this, because I do not want you to have painful memories again.But I wish Poppy read this.

I always think about her but never wanted to comment, but the comment above made me write this.If you are reading this Poppy,you may have several reasons for leaving Adrian, like if you dont want to see the one who you loved suffer,you are under tremendous tension because of his state ,it is ruining your life, your happiness..etc etc..or it can be due to some selfish reasons.

If I was in Poppy's place I must have married Adrian even if it was for one day.I can never leave someone whom I loved for more than 7 years just because he is having a disease which is not his fault.Anything can happen to anyone any moment,this can happen to you Poppy,can happen to me can happen to anyone.I think this broke his heart and he felt there is no need to prolong his life like this.May be if you were there with him he must have decided to follow the treatment just to enjoy some moments with you,but the end will be the same it is not going to change, still...
I was surprised when Adrian said that he will propose again if he recover from his state..shows how much he loved you.What a MAN he is!!

What if this happened after your marriage?Leave him just like that??...

After writing all these, I can understand why you called off the wedding,may be no meaning for you but it must have made of lot of difference to Adrian.
Anyway past is past...nobody can do anything to change the past, but I beleive somany people learned a lot of things from Adrians and Poppy's relationship.

I hope you will have peace of mind Adrian.

There is a saying today you, tomorrow it will be my turn..and we can all meet somewhere up there.Sometimes when I think about death I will think I will not be scared because all my loved ones will be up there when it is my turn to leave( now know anything can happen like in your case , what if I leave early than my loved ones!!), but in your case you are leaving all your loved ones behind Adrian,one fine day you just leave , leaving us all to drown in a sea of sadness.

Have peace Adrian.

With lots of love
Shiney

Dear Adrian
You have been through so much with so much courage, determination and humour. I'm a district nurse and also have a terminal illness. You will fall asleep peacefully I know, once you have the permission of your loved ones to let go because you are so tired. Be at peace you lovely person. You have made a difference to the world and will always be remembered xxxx

I hope your passing is as comfortable as possible and that you will be floating free and feeling incredible as you journey to your next whatever. I'm glad you won't be in pain. My aunt died of liver and brain cancer and was in so much pain. My 27 year old cousin, David, also has luekemia and just relapsed only 2 months after completing his first chemotherapy. I don't think that's good. Anyway, good luck and Godspeed.

Pippin: I didn't think it would end this way.

Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path . . . one that we must all take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass...and then you see it.

Pippin: What, Gandalf? See what?

Gandalf: White shores . . . and beyond, a far green country, under a swift sunrise.

Pippin: Well, that isn't so bad.

Gandalf: No... No it isn't.

Adrian,

You have been on my mind so much since I stumbled onto your blog. I can only say that the Lord has placed you there since we have never met. I am praying that you have wrestled during this time with who Jesus Christ is. I have found Him to be who He says He is in Scripture, the way of salvation and heaven for all who would call on His name. I have never been where you are, but I have found Him to be faithful in all ways to me; He has never disappointed me. I have come to realize that my disappointment came from my own lack of understanding of who He was. He is my Savior, my Redeemer, and the Friend that sticks closer than any brother could. He has also become my peace in circumstances where I should be terrified. I am praying that you have come to know Him also. How wonderful to find Him waiting on the other side of eternity for you, as He has promised all of us who believe on His name. Praying for His comfort and presence to outdo all else in your heart and mind these days.

Dear, sweet Adrian,

How many of us can say that we'll leave this world having made a difference - even a small difference? Not many, I'd wager. But you, my dear man, can say with all honesty and pride that you have made a HUGE difference. Not only have you increased awareness of BMT in the UK, but all across the world. Think about that for a moment... all across the WORLD! It's mind-boggling to even fathom.

I want to thank you for enriching the life of this woman in the USA, who stumbled upon your blog and who could not stop reading until every last word was read. Your journey shared with us all has been compelling, and the raw truth of this horrendous illness and your fight has been inspiring. We've learned not only about your life dealing with this illness, but what is necessary for all of us in this world to do to ensure we know what is necessary to help others in the same or similar situations. Thank you for that!

My wish for you, dear Adrian, is a peaceful and painless crossing over. My wish for your friends and family is that their pain will be lessened by your incredible work to help those who may be afflicted in the future. Their pride in what you've accomplished must be overwhelming, and rightly so.

Since I do believe in an "after-life" my charge to you is to visit us all to let us know you've arrived and are well again. You'll be our Guardian Angel. Quite a task, isn't it, considering there are millions of us who have been inspired by you and your journey. Quite a feat for a young man, but you've shown your Superhero side, and I'm sure you an handle that.

You are a few years younger than my son, and though we've never met, I feel that I know you, and couldn't be more proud of what you've accomplished. You are truly a very special man and will be remembered as such by the masses, all around the world.

Rest well, friend, and when it is time, fly with the angels and keep an eye out for us.

God Bless you. May your remaining time here be filled with love and peace.

Dee
New Hampshire, USA

Dear Adrian,

Like everyone who cares about you, I have been dreading the day you leave us. But I am glad for you to be able to take back some control. I am impressed that you know just what questions to ask - even in the face of the leukemia's growing effects on your mind that you alluded to (certainly not apparent in your writing!). Good on you for asking the hard but needed questions. Not everyone realizes there are choices.

I am actually relieved for you, as you seem to be. So glad you will not be lingering with half or less of your life, with only pain and no more joy. I will hope too for the falling asleep version for you. Sounds very peaceful. And painfree and nauseous-less (Is that a word? Quick, say it three times fast). I joke, hoping your face might light up for a moment with that wonderful smile you have.

Sooo happy to hear you feel better today (laxative or not, better is better). I hope without meds that you feel fewer side effects, and feel well overall.

Your family and your friends all sound incredible. And I believe that such great people resonate off the one that they are all clustered around. Your pride in them is justified, but remember people frequently give back as much as they receive. I am confident you are and have always been a great friend, brother, and son to them.

Those of us around the world that you let into your life...well, as strange as it may seem, we truly love you too, Adrian (the jump in value of Kleenex stock, and all the shorted out keyboards are testiments to that!) Please know this in your heart, as our hearts go out to you.

Love always,
Margaret (USA)

Shiney, I can truly understand your words to Poppy, that's all I will say on that. I wouldn't mind marrying you myself Adrian but I doubt you would be open to offers from a grumpy 30 year old with two crazy kids, lol ;)

Well Adrian what a dreadful night of 3hrs sleep and much tossing and turning! I just wanted to say that I hope your tummy is feeling much better this morning. Although I know you are a 'science person' (whatever one of those is!) have you tried homeopathy for it? Give anything a whirl, you might be surprised ;)

Hope you feel a little better after the bloods, and after making your decision - control is a wonderful thing isn't it?

Still upset and tearful here for you this am (and bloody grumpy if I'm honest, not a morning person especially when my babies wake me at 5am on a Sunday!) but sending you lots of love anyway.
Caroline x

Adrian,

I am glad you have been given the chance to manage your own life by all these people you have helping you. I think that is the next thing we can learn - the fact that it is possible to say "enough is enough" without the melodrama of wanting to hang on for pity' sake.
There is nothing wrong with the way you explained it.

It has been a great experience, these last weeks here on this blog, Adrian. Would not have wanted to miss it for anything in the world.

Thank you very much for this opportunity.

Annajon

Hi Sudders,

Just checkin in really. Had a drink on your head to the Sudders effect but not much cheer in my cheers to be perfectly honest.

Adrian "tough as old boots" Sudbury - My money's on you for that wager. I really wish for a you the peaceful end you deserve.

Couldn't help but notice that you had to slip in a little detail about your bowel movements eh? Never one to disappoint :) Thanks for the visual. ugh! :)

To bed for me - it's almost 2:00am and being horizontal sounds pretty good right now.

Lots of love as ever
Tash
xoxo

To my fellow stalkers - I know this is a difficult time but I doubt that the fact of our sadness justifies having a go at Poppy in what must also be an extremely difficult time for her.

I can see that Adrian's shown us enough of the man that he is to make us all think that if we'd have half the chance we would've played our cards differently - he looks damn fine in his gran's dressing gown, he's shown us pics of his bare ass from time to time, he talks freely about his stool samples, he's got dance moves second to none, and he scrubs up real nice in a suit - that's done it for me :)

I leave you with this:

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

Sweet dreams to all of you. Night.

Dear Adrian, Like everyone thats just posted on your blog, I'm so heartbroken that your journey is coming to an end, you will be so missed by us all, but you are right to take control of your final journey, you will be surrounded by your loved ones, and you will never be forgotten. You have enhanced everyones life that's followed your remarkable story. You are the bravest person I have every known, and I hope when my time comes, I face it with the same attitude that you have. God bless you Adrian.
With much lovew
Sandra

Dearest Adrian

Read this post last night before going to bed and couldn't find any words, just tears. Still difficult - so I will just echo everything everyone else has said. So many people on here have a wonderful way with words and all speak from the heart. I'm going to miss you terribly but am so grateful for everything you've taught me and for simply knowing you. I wouldn't have missed that for anything! You'll stay in my heart always.

I'm there with you in spirit, and my thoughts are with your wonderful mum and dad, your beautiful sister, your dear friends and everyone who has written on here.

So rest easy my darling boy - you've made a huge difference by being the wonderful person you so obviously are, not only by leading your campaign and seeing it through to Downing Street, I'm still in awe of the fact you managed to get through that day, but in the lives of all who have been privileged to come into contact with you - how many of us can honestly say that!

More than ever, much love to you all
Barbara xx

Dear Adrian,

Hope you wake up today with less pain and worries.You took a brave decision, I am sad by your decision, but this is your life.

Wish you peace and problem free days Adrian.

Hi Tash,

Ok it is better to leave Poppy out of this.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

That is your quote,may be true, I dont have any experience with love so I dont know for sure!

But seven years is not a short period...

When Adrian asked' who will marry me' I wanted to shout I will..that is all I know.But who will beleive me??

Regards,

Shiney.

I have followed your progress from seeing you on breakfast tele a while back. You are one cool guy and I wish you a peaceful rest.

martin.
South of France.

You go with our warmest wishes and respect.

May we all have such dignity and acceptance when facing our end.A life well lived, for however long we are given.

A pleasure to have 'known' you.

Bless you from Australia

I really don't know what to say other than thank you so much for keeping up with the blog and sharing your life with us. I will miss you so very much xxxx

Dear Adrian

Was very sad to read your news. Difficult to know what to say and to put into words the impact reading your blog has had on me and I'm sure thousands of other people. I really want to say thank you for letting us share a bit of your journey with you. The things you have managed to achieve in such a short space of time have been unbelievably impressive. Even when you have been down, reading about your days, and the thoughts and emotions you have been going through, has been an absolute priviledge and a true inspiration. It is so easy to take life for granted and to fall into the trap of investing time and energy worrying about things that really don't matter. You have packed more passion and meaning into the last few months than most people manage in a lifetime and will leave behind you a powerful, and tangible legacy that will benefit thousands of people in the future. I am trying and failing not to cry as I write this because I am not anywhere near as brave as you. Can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you to make the decisions you are facing and can't tell you how much I admire you. I wish you comfort, peace and add my thoughts and love to those being sent to you from all over the world.

Sam x

Adrian

Sobbing my heart out is not how I would have chosen to start my Sunday. You are truly remarkable - one of a kind. I have to say that you've left a Sudders tattoo on my heart and mind. You have achieved so much, a legacy that people will benefit from for years to come.

I wish you all the best in facing what's ahead. I'm sure you are doing the right thing in taking control now.

I feel honoured and privileged to have “known� you, and also to have been part of the biggest, most caring blog family ever. What will we do without you? Keep on campaigning!

I hope that Liam will keep us updated when you cannot continue to do so, because we all care so much. Thanks for sharing this journey.

Adrian Sudbury = unforgettable.

With love

Lesley
xxxxx

I've been reading for a while now, but not commenting. I have, however, signed the petition (Brit cit) and emailed Kevin07 (Oz PM - I'm an Oz resident) suggesting he try a similar thing here. I'm too old to volunteer but have shared the Sudders Effect with all the people I know. So ... All Oz/NZ peoples (lurkers or not). Let's show this 'tough old boot' how much we love him and how powerful his campaign is becoming. It will live on for him - and become world wide. Contact all your govt officials, newspapers and anyone you know to get the same acknowledgement here. Let Adrian know his campaign is worldwide.

Adrian - relax, let us work for you now and know that your work will continue. May this help you on your way, and may your family and friends cope with their loss, knowing that there are thousands of us sharing it with them.

Adrian, Thank you and well done. Thanks for your update, because like everyone else, I wanted to find out how you were. My wife and I went through this when our daughter Gemma passed away after a two year battle with Leukaemia and it is terrible. People talk of coping but I do not know what coping means or how you measure coping. We use the word "deal". We "deal" with things and that seems to be what you are doing, so well done for that, another brave achievement because this is hard to face at the end. You, your mum, dad & family are having to deal with the most tragic thing a family face but you have made a great choice in taking control. You are moving into intimate times now and the blog is addictive to all and you are brave to be sharing it with us. Stop if you want. Jan and I send our kindest regards to you and your family and thank you all for inspiring so many. God bless. Jan & Tony.

Adrian
When my son slipped away last July - he wasnt as organised as you...so we didnt a such say good bye, he literally went to sleep in front of me...as I say 'slipped away'. He too chose 'no-more' - as wrong as it is to die so young and yes it is far too soon, I see you've had enough.
May you be surrounded by those you love
Again this brings you lot of hugs
Sue

Hi Adrian, little did I think when I saw you with Natasha that you would become such an important part of my life. Reading your blog this morning, although expected after the past couple of days silence, was so hard but also in a strange way made me happy for you. We all knew how this was going to end but the fact that you can face it with such dignity and courage will help everyone around you to do the same. You are a very beautiful person Adrian, both inside and out. I know what it is to watch a loved ones last days and I wish you all strength, courage and most of all a pain free time. Chris

Dear Adrian

I have started writing this so many times, then deleted it. I am useless with words.

All I really want to say is well done, and thank you for making us care more.

Sending love to you and your family and friends.

Peace be with you.

Love,

Elaine A

hi fella
stay strong mate
baz an dawn
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Adrian

Just wanted to say thank you really. From a selfish point of view, your blog has been a huge support to me over the past 4 months and I shall miss it and you so much. It will be like losing a best friend.

Hope the blog has given you comfort, inspiration and focus. It has shown all of us what a wonderful man you are.

Never easy to see the demise of a loved one but I think all humans seem to have this need to set their 'affairs' in order so that they have not left any 'loose ends'.

Why you were affected with this illness, no one will know, but being faced with it and then knowing the outcome, look what you have achieved, a brilliant writing career with awards coming out of your ears! A petition to set things right re bone marrow donation and thousands of new friends along with the privileged ones who have known you forever. Not bad going!

I would like to send my love to your family, don't know if it is a comfort to them knowing they are supported by strangers from your blog, but they are.

Hope the next few weeks are as 'comfortable' as they can be and that you do whatever is 'right' for you.

With much love and hugs as always

Sally x

I'm with Lesley.........tears and dare I say it (snot) all over the place isn't the best start to a Sunday. But Adrian I'm pleased that youve been able to take back some control from the disease.
I hope today finds you feeling better/peaceful and soaking up all the love that surrounds you..virtual aswell as from your family.
Love and light to you for a safe journey.
Val x

Adrian,

This was indeed a difficult post to read.. And as you say, I guess we all knew it was coming at some point.

I am so pleased you have such a great family and large group of supportive friends. I can think of no man more deserving of them. They way you have all faced the harsh reality of mortality is nothing short of inspirational. If I can face it with strength half that of yours, I will be proud.

My thoughts are with you, your family, and friends.

Enjoy winning your gents wager with the doc! ;)

Rob

I've been sitting here for ages crying my eyes out because I don't want to lose you. I feel scared and helpless. I don't want you to go, it's as simple as that. That's very selfish of me I know. I'm going to miss you so much. You are the bravest man I have ever 'met' and an absolute selfless person. Thank you for everything you have done.

Please God, when the time comes you are not in too much pain and discomfort.

Sorry for being selfish.

Sending you lots of big hugs and cuddles and masses of love and kisses.

Carole xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello Adrian,

Thank you for letting us all become a part of your life through your blog. You have achieved so much and we will all do our best to continue the campaign for you when you can't be here anymore.

Thank you for being so amazing.

I will miss you.

Karen x

I think you are incredibly brave and hope you know how many people's lives you changed not only with your campaign but through sharing your experience in your blog...you are truly a remarkable person.

Adrienne
PS did I mention you have a great name :)

Hi Adrian.

How difficult was that to read? Well, not as difficult as the previous one, although the tears still flowed. I was constantly checking in yesterday, hoping for an update to wipe out the sadness I felt after reading your 'Hate This' post. I switched off at 11 pm (post-chemo I rarely make it to 9.00 pm, so that was good for me!) but ended up having a terrible night - partly due to the heat but also struggling to get you off my mind. I wondered how my husband would feel if he knew that I'd spent all night thinking about another man. Actually, he thinks about you a lot too, so I'm sure he'd understand.

I guess there are quite a few of us with Lacey and the voice crying, "But maybe!"; I think it's what gave me the courage to continue reading during my treatment and I'm so glad I did. I thanked you previously for helping me to 'turn my corner' during my treatment and I will be eternally grateful to you for that. Because of you and your blog I stopped asking, "Why me?" and began to appreciate everything that could be done, and was being done, for me. I realised that I my glass really was half full. I didn't dare post when I was given the news a couple of weeks ago that I am now in remission. You've helped me so much, Adrian, as you've helped so many others and will continue to do so for many, many years. As in previous posts, I thank you again from the bottom of my heart. xx

Whilst your latest update is very sad to read, I echo the words of others when I say that it's good to see you take control of the hand you've been so cruelly dealt, but did we really expect any less of you?

I can't even begin to imagine the emotions in your household right now. Such sadness, yet such pride. Your sister knows she can say with absolute certainty that she has 'The BEST brother in the world' (I'm sure my 3 brothers will understand) and previous pictures you've posted of your parents speak of pride in volumes. I smiled when I read about your dad making the phone call to organise your friends' visits - I guess that explains where you inherited some of your qualities from.

Well, I could ramble on all day but would still be unable to say anything of any use, so will take up no more of your time and space, except to say that I hate to talk of your final journey, so simply hope that your remaining time will be filled with love and free of all discomfort.

Lots of love,
Christina,
Riddings

Dear Adrian,
I've been reading your blog since your transplant, but this is the first time I've posted.
I also have CML & I'd just like to say that if ever I find myself in the same situation as you, I just hope that I'm able to show half the courage & determination that you have,
Barbara

Hi Adrian

I've been a reader of your blog from afar for the last few weeks and have finally gathered the courage to write to you (in tears may I add!)given the tone of this post.

I came across your page after I lost my 24 year old husband Lee to ALL on May 10 this year. He was originally diagnosed in 2001, and following a relapse, had a BMT in 2005, but relapsed in Jan this year - 2 months after we were married. Resigned to the fact that there was really nothing that could be done for him, we decided against any treatment and lived out our last days together, until I lost the love of my life.

There's nothing that I can say that hasn't already been said a thousand times by others, and nothing I can say that is going to make you eel any better about the fact that you, such an amazing and inspirational man (much like my hubby in so many ways), are going through something that nobody of your age should have to face. I saw every day just how devastating this disease is and how scared Lee was - not so much of dying, but of leaving me behind after finally finding the one person who he loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world.

Having to watch what he went through, particularly in the last 48 hours, is the hardest thing I know that I'm ever going to have to do. It wasn't pleasant to say the very least, and watching him suffer so badly was heartbreaking. Losing him was my greatest fear realised - there's nothing that scares me now.

So as I write through floods of tears - for you, for my husband, and for what you we're both forced to suffer - please know that as hard as it has been for me to read your blogs after living it so recently, you have touched so many people and made many sit up and realise what fighting this disease is really like. Your courage, your selflessness and honesty are inspirational (and I know that word is overused - my husband hated it when people called him that!).

After Lee and I met, I also became a bone marrow donor - although the BMT failed him long-term, I will be eternally grateful to the person whose marrow he received. Without it, we would never have been given the opportunity to spend the most special 2 years of our lives together. I only hope that I can repay the favour myself one day. I'm also establishing a foundation in Lees name to assist in the research for a cure for leukaemia - I'll do whatever I humanly can so one day, other families won't have to suffer what yourself, Lee and our families have.

Please know that although there is nothing anyone can do or say to make what you're facing any easier, you are an amazing man, and my thoughts are with you and your family. And thankyou. Thankyou so much for sharing your story with the world.

All my love, Sheree

Morning Adrian,
Said what I wanted to in the early hours of today but just checking in.
You are so lucky to have all these wonderful comments and I sincerely hope that they help to ease you on your way with a smile on your face and that they help your family to face the next few days.
Just wanted you to know that Tash and I are going to keep in touch so that's another good thing to come out of your journey, getting people together. Tash always seems to find the right words but with enough humour to lift your spirit.
Well I've got a few words of my own!
Gorgeous, courageous, inspirational, funny, positive, intelligent, fighter,mad (in a good way ):)............and the rest. That's our lovely Adrian.
YOU HAVE CHANGED THE WORLD!!
Peaceful journey.
Love, kisses, hugs and soothing thoughts to you and yours as always and to your blog family.
Christine M.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ps. Said "CHEERS to the Sudders Effect" with a large brandy and port at 2.30am and don't I know it this morning lol :)
Christine M.xx

Adrian,
I don't even know where to begin..I have followed your blogs for as long as I can remember now and I know it probably seems childish but although I had anticipated this moment I did have that slight bit of hope in the back of my mind that this would all work itself out and things would get better.

I cried when I read your latest post.. tears of sadness for a journey ending of a great man that although I have never met I feel I have come to know and certainly admire, these tears are also tears of relief and if I can say it happiness - that you were able to make this decision!

I know that simple words cannot make this situation better but know that I along with so many, many other people are thinking about you and your family through this time. Adrian, I wish you peace in your final few weeks and I hope and pray that you get to see everyone you want and need to before the time comes and that when it does you are surrounded by the ones you love and it is as peaceful as can be.

With all the love and best wishes in the world
Rebecca M xxx

Adrian my thoughts are with you at this time and I'm sending all my wishes for a peaceful passing, your spirit will live on in the things you have done and in the memories of family,friends and strangers who have got to know you through your writing.
Safe and speedy painfree passage

Dear Adrian,
I'm another person sat writing this not being able to see properly for tears. You are a star and a very brave person making this decision. My hopes for you now are that you can enjoy the very short time you have left and that at the end you can just slip away peacefully and quietly. (Not at all like the last few months of your life have been!.) I will remember you forever, you will always be special to me. You have been fantastic keeping up this blogg and letting us all know exactly how you have been feeling. I'm sure i couldn't have done it.
Love to you and your family.
Jane (Slaithwaite, Huddersfield)
xxx

I'm so sorry you've had to endure this.

Get some rest now mate. You really deserve it.
x

Adrian,
Thank you once again for opening up to everyone who reads your blog. It occurred to me that the blog would make a fantastic book that I know I would want to give to so many people as a pointer of what can be achieved under the most awful of cercumstances.

If this were to come about, maybe there could be a deal with some of the money going to something nominated by you? That way, we can all feel that we were doing even more to spread the word and give finacial bebefit to something that mattered to you too... yet another Sudders legacy!!

God Bless You and keep you close, Denise

Sorry.. the above post re the readers directing thoughts at a specific time every day was from me.., the personal info got lost before I posted for some reason!!!!!!!- 'd'oh!
Love,
Laura
X

My dearest Adrian

Orisen Swett Marden wrote: “There can be no failure to a man who has not lost his courage, his character, his self-respect, or his self-confidence. He is still a King.�

He is describing you.

You are indeed a beautiful person, inside and out, and you've changed my life: I feel priveleged to have been able to write to you. I will do everything I can to help your vision become reality.

All my love, and God bless you.

Amanda

Adrian,
I have been reading your blog for some months now, and was so sad to see this latest update.
Like so many other readers, I too was holding out hope that there would be a 'Guess what? There's been a miracle!' post - however naive that might have been.
I was a journalist too, before I had my children, and I can honestly say that you have done yourself proud. What a legacy you will be leaving behind.
You are an inspiration to so many people, and your honesty has helped so many of us to see more clearly.
I am thinking of you and your family so much - hoping and praying that the time you have will be serene and sweet, and filled with love.
Safe journey - we're all there beside you in spirit.
With love and best wishes,
Alison x

dear Adrian, never met you, but how i will miss you thanks for sharing your life with us love to you and all who love you pam xxx

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

god bless ya adrian.will miss ya loads.we all love ya xxx

When walking the pathway of life we meet many people; good, bad and indifferent, as the pathways merge and divide and then merge again.

Occasionally we are lucky to share the pathway with a remarkable individual; one who marks our hearts with something special, something memorable.

I can't remember my path to this blob Adrian, but I'm know my life has been changed for the better sharing your pathway for just a few short weeks.

You are a remarkable individual. You have marked many hearts. What a wonderful legacy.

Gentle hugs to you...

Nicola x

If you go I hope you get there
If you get there I hope you like it

Thank you - from all of the people who will have a chance of surviving because of you.

It's taken me 36 1/2 years to encounter someone I can say I truly admire, and that's you.

I am sending you love and wishing you a smooth and painless transition.

~Alexandra.

P.S. The Sudders Effect is a lasting one!

Adrian,

I am breaking my heart as I type this. You are so brave and an inspiration to everyone who reads this blog and to people around the world. Hopefully from your fantastic campaign we and thousands of others will not have to go through what you and your family have gone through. Becky sends you her best wishes. She is amazed at how you have done what you have. She is tired and has just started really on Glivec. Lots of love, Dawn xxxx

Adrian,
Here I am a mom of 4 all the way in Atlanta, Georgia USA. I found your blog several weeks ago and just loved your sense of humor and determination. I read your update this morning with tears streaming down my face. The world will be a lesser place without you. You have done so much in such a short amount of time. I wish you peace on this next leg of your journey.
Kathy

Hi again Adrian, dont know how often you will be checking up on your army but unfortunately we have been drugged by you and cannot keep away even if only to read other peoples comments. I have burnt the bacon and toast and thought of nothing but your words since reading your blog. My children are off to visit their dad in Thailand this afternoon and I am going to miss them so much. Between you and my own children I think I might end up a bit of a weepy mess by the end of today. I hope if you do check in your spirits are lifted to know that you are truly and deeply loved by all who have had the privilage to cross your path. Chris

You are so brave,There are so many people supporting you. Fantastic to start the campaign. Lots of love Mary

Your words are so real and I wish someone could ease the pain for you. What an amazing strength of character you have. I will be talking about you to all my friends, to open their eyes and minds to what real courage and bravery is! Hoping the sun keeps shining on you! I too have a blog about my journey...I had a childhood cancer and now years later I am waiting desperately for a lung transplant...the clock is ticking but I am ever hopeful. Your story has really inspired me :-)

Dear Adrian,

I keep on checking for an update.Just want to know you are ok there with no pain.

It will be very hard for your parents and sister.I hope god will give them enough courage to face this bad phase in their lives.

Today was one of the bad days in my life.

If you have to leave this world, think that you have done everything to the maximum.Even now it is difficult to beleive that you will have to leave this world.I am trying to prepare my mind because today morning was a BIG shock for me , I beleived that something positive will come in the end ..somany people were praying for you.Feeling so helpless.

Actually do not know what to write, wanted to meet you,almost an impossible dream..but nothing is impossible...

If Adrian needs rest please Liam can you give us an update.

Lots of love,

Shiney.

You are truly unbelievable Adrian,

As always, i am humbled to say the least.

You are an inspiration to me and all who read your blog's

Blessings to you

Stu

Considering I work with words for a living, I'm a bit stuck on what to say. What can I write?

It's very sad that you have had to go through all this. You're in my thoughts and I'm sorry I'm too old to do the bone marrow thing.

I'm not going to try to say anything unique, it's all been said. You've single-handedly restored my faith in the individual's ability to truly make a change. You've also taught me to feel blessed with what I have, and I'll never forget that.

This post broke my heart, and I only hope that your time comes to an end in the way you want it to. I think after everything that has happened to you, it is the least you deserve.

Wishing you all the love and hugs in the world,
Amy
xxxx

to our dear sudders

i have never posted before but feel compelled to now. I feel like the rest of the world and have been crying my heart out this morning. Although i have never met you we only live a few miles apart, about 18 miles (i live in between doncaster and rotherham). I feel like i know you a bit through this blog.

We have all shared so many laughs and tears but now alas is the time to say goodbye. I myself realised on thursday that you wanted to give up the fight. You have brought joy to millions and will be a lasting legacy.

On a silly note to tash and everybody else it is just something us yorkshire people do all the time, talk about our bowels. I dont know why really because it is disgusting but i do aswell.

Anyway we all love and respect you and will never forget you. We wish you peace love and happiness and laughter for the rest of your days on earth. From the bottom of our hearts we hope you have a peaceful passing.

Your funeral in sheffield cathedral is only what you deserve. You could have filled westminster cathedral 10 times over. It is just a shame the people from around the world could not show their respects and see it. Have you thought about someone videoing it. I know it is sombre but i think everyone would appreciate it in order to say their respects. It will be a celebration of your life and a very huge affair.

All my love and thoughts are with you and your family in your final days.
Tammy (mexborough)
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I first heard you on 5 live and I then checked out your blog. I can honestly say your a inspiration to many and I have joined the bone marrow list thanks to your campaigning. You and your family can take enormous pride in your attitude and actions since this began.

Good luck buddy and enjoy your peace I think you have deserved it.

Neil
Stafford

hi Adrian, i have never left a comment before, but have been reading your blog sinceit appeared in The Daily Mail several months ago... I haven't posted before because i found it hard as to what to say to someone who is as amazing and brave as you are, i wish that there was something that i could do for you, life can be so mean and cruel sometimes.
i'm sending all my love to you and your amazing family and friends,
will always be thinking about you
Puline xxxx

Adrian,

That must surely be one of the hardest posts you have ever written. I cannot imagine for one minute how difficult this is for you but at least you do have some control over what is happening to you and I know that you will make the decision that suits you and your family.

You have been given a very special opportunity to firstly spend quality time with your family and your friends. This is sadly something that many people never get the opportunity to do. Secondly, you can leave knowing that you have made a significant difference to people now and in the future who have or will have Leukaemia. Thirdly, you have given a lot of people who log onto the blog every day, who dont necessarily know much about Leukaemia, the opportunity to understand more about this vile illness. Hopefully, we can all work together to continue your work and maybe, one day, a cure will be found!! In the meantime, we just have to ensure that your campaign really gets into action and follow on from there. Raising awareness is just so important and people need to be made more aware.

Although my faith has been severely dented following the loss of my precious Maria to this horrible illness, maybe God put you here for this special reason and has decided that He now wants His Angel back by his side. Someone once said to me that maybe God needed Maria more than me. Difficult to understand but maybe slightly comforting. I'm not sure, I havent worked that one out yet.

These days and weeks are going to be very tough for you and for your family. You have all been through so much but at least you have been through it together and no-one can ever take that away from you all. You have all been a part of something really special - something that will bind your family together -stronger than ever before.

In a way, its lovely to think that you have been part of your own funeral arrangements. When I arranged Maria's funeral, I had to think very carefully about what she would have wanted. At what was a very distressing time, it was difficult to work that out and I was worried that I wouldnt give her the fitting tribute that she so deserved in a way that she would have wanted it to be. Your family can also take comfort in knowing that what they do for you will be exactly how you would want it and will also take away some of "the stress" for them when the time comes.

Adrian, I am so so sorry that this is happening to you. My words just seem so inadequate at this time. You are such an inspiration to so many people and I really hope that after the inevitable happens that people wont just forget...but that from this, Leukaemia Awareness will grow. I for one promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure of that.

God Bless you Adrian and your wonderful family.

Diane x

http://www.mwb-leukaemia.org.uk

Hey Adrian,

I'm sitting here with my laptop reading the comments through smudgy panda eyes(it's not a good look!)...my heart aches at this latest blog entry, we all knew it would come, but it doesn't make it any less sad.

At the same time, I feel happy that you're able to make all the arrangements necessary, talk to all your loved ones, and have some degree of control over what's going on. I only wish you could be assured that the end will be painless and peaceful, and I will keep hoping that it will be for you.

I've never met you, and yet I will miss you so much! I am so grateful for your amazing honesty in everything you've written, thankyou Adrian.

I wish you comfort in the remaining days and weeks, however many or few they are. I will be thinking of you.

Love to you and your family,

Catherine x

Dont know where to start but to say thank you for being so up front and honest with all you have had to deal with.

Never got the chance to meet you but so wish I had, I will be one of the ones helping to celebrate the memory of your life at the cathedral and wish your family all the lvoe and support in the world at this hard

chin up old boy x

Well Adrian, I'm glad that you feel better for having taken back some control and I can fully understand the route you have chosen to take. Thank you for writing this post, even though it has been very sad to read. I was doing okay until I got to the organising a wedding and funeral bit and then my emotions got the better of me.
Your strength in adversity in amazing and my thoughts will be with you and your family.
May your remaining time be peaceful.

Adrian,

Personally I'd go and enjoy a beer, even if they don't recommend it! Hope the stomach can take it. Life is short, so make the most and thank goodness you have such a great family on your side.

Take care and will e-mail soon - have a good weekend as pain free as possible

lot of love Sarah and madhouse and furry animals xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Adrian,

I have not posted much, only once I think before this one.

I am a shorthand teacher and I have taught many journalists over the years. Most of them have hated it! I live in Lincoln, not far from your neck of the woods.

Throughout the reading of your blogs your smiley face has reminded me so much of the young men I have taught over the years.

I have to be honest and say I like the cheeky energy of journalists, their great sense of humour combined with empathy for people who have come through a bad time.

You have been that and much, much more. You have livened up our days with your blogs, your plans for your compaign and grinning on your pics despite everything.

You will leave a legacy of helping others to perhaps get help when this awful thing strikes them.

I will carry on reading. It is hard for all of us readers, but you have inspired us so much that we will have to carry on to the end.

I believe we never die, just move on to somewhere else. Your spirit is too strong to die!

May your God be with you.

Phyllis xx

Adrian,

Like everyone else on this blog I honestly don't know what to say to you after reading your post. I've not added a comment to your blog before as for some reason I didn't feel that it was my place to intrude. Now, though, I feel compelled to say something.

I was directed your way by a great friend of mine who had sadly lost her son from the same illness as yourself. When I first started to read your thoughts I was struck by how much bravery and determination you showed to this terrible disease. Maybe being a journalist has helped but also I'm sure that the "Sudder's Effect" has something to do with how much you have touched people's hearts in such a unique way.

The campaign will continue, if we've all got anything to do with it! You can be sure of that! And..from one adopted Yorkshire girl to the most inspirational Yorkshire gentleman I've ever had the pleasure to encounter (albeit briefly)..god bless you, sweetheart.

Anne xxx.

Im lost for words.

Dear Adrian,

I will miss you dreadfully,you are such a
wonderful person,love and hugs,
Jean xxxxxxxxxxx

Adrian

So many of us have been on this journey with you and I (as so many others)am devastated that this post has come. I was expecting and hoping for a last minute miracle for you. You deserve it after all the pain.

I don't blame you for your decision - as with so many other decisions you have made, it is extremely courageous and obviously what you want.

As I have said in my various contributions to this blog recently, you are an inspiration to me and all these other people that run into cyber traffic trying to write to you! Your attitude to these illness has been incredible. I would hope that this, as well as your campaign will be your lasting legacy. I know I have talked about you to lots of people and will continue to do so.

I am still praying for that miracle but if not, please keep posting as long as you can...

Kara x

Dear Adrian,

I have no words. You and others have said everything for me. I feel so honoured that you care enough about us readers to think about what the impact of news of your impending death will have on us. Whatever happens, I hope it is peaceful and painless and that you always know just what an impact you have had on so many people, both now and in the future. Sleep well.

Love from Embi in Australia

I think you should enjoy an ice cold beer in this gorgeous sunshine. That would be my dignosis for making you feel better!

Im really pleased that you can have some control over your life again and spend your last weeks with the people you love.

God bless to you and your family.
Love charllotte xxx

ps, your blog should be published, you have such a great gift for words. x

Adrian, what an incredible and inspiring person you are, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. When my time comes I hope I have even an ounce of your strength.
You are an absolute gem, I'll be saying a prayer every day.
Lots of Love,
Fiona (Brighton)

Hi Adrian,

Strange mixture of profound sadness and a degree of comfort from your post. So much of what you have been through is completely out of your control, but at least you can have some say over your quality of life towards its end.

I wish you and those close to you peace in the coming few weeks.

Jill x

Dear Adrian,

What can I say? You will be missed lots. Love to you and your family. Thinking of you all at this time. Regards Julia x

Much love Adrian. I'm glad I had the chance to chat to you - but dreadfully sorry this story has such a sad conclusion. Be proud of everything you have achieved. Nikki x

In earlier posts you mentioned ways of keeping people in touch to ensure that the campaign for educating young people about marrow donation continues. Is there a facebook group or e-mail list to join?

I hope these final weeks are as comfortable as possible for you, and I pray for them to be pain free. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, right until these end stages. You have demystified many areas of this disease, from treatment to the final conclusion.

Adrian,

Much love to you and your family. I wish you all peace and God Bless!!

Thank you for all you've done. You are truly an inspirational person.

Love,

Kim (NY)

Dear Adrian,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I am sad you are losing your fight to this terrible disease.

You are a remarkable person and will not be forgotten.

I wish you peace.

Heidi
(USA)

Dear Adrian,

I hope you are feeling better now.

Whatever I am doing, you are always in my thoughts.It is affecting my concentration,I am feeling so sad and upset, not able to concentrate on anything.

I hope someone will find a cure for this type of leukaemia very soon.
I will continue praying for a miracle, nobody can prevent me from that!

Lots of love and my heartfelt prayers.

Shiney

My hearts broken into many pieces,
although my virtual friend I've never met anyone so brave.
Which ever path you decide to take the Lord will be walking with you.
Go into the light with peace.
You will make a wonderful angel.[don't forget to make em rock an roll up there]
Love as always
X Marlene.

Hello Adrian,

I have read your blog for months now - you've almost become an obsession (in a good way, not a stalker on the loose take cover way!). Like many people who are posting today I too thought that maybe, just maybe, there was a miracle somewhere in your future and while it seems that is not going to be the case I now believe that you are the miracle. Your campaigning, how you have raised awareness of bone marrow donations, the registry, how you have let the world share your experiences (good and bad) and how you have touched so many people around the world. How many of us can say that?

Like everyone else I hope the remaining weeks of your journey will be pain free and given the wonderful medical team you seem to have I am sure that will be the case.

It has been a unique experience sharing your life over these past couple of months and though I have never met you I can genuinely say I will miss you. God speed....

Hazel x

Dearest Adrian,

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, it is just too frightening to contemplate. You are a truly amazing individual, and I feel incredibly proud to have shared a small part of your life.

I hope with all my heart that your remaining time is painfree and that you can enjoy some quality time with your wonderful friends and family.

My thoughts are with you constantly, and I will still continue to pray for a miracle.

A gentle hug with much love Helen x

Maybe this will help Adrian, his family and all the people on here, whether we knew him personally or not. This is a quote from, of all people, Dr. Seuss. It goes, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened". Adrian, you put smiles on many faces during a very difficult and emotional time in your life. I think we should all keep those smiles going for you. Once the tears stop let's all smile at a life well lived!

Jan from Washington, DC

Hi Adrian

I'm struggling to write this as the tears pour down my face. Someone said up above, it's like I know you know. You're my first port of call whenever I switch my computer on...just to see that you're still there.

I'm glad you've come to that decision, your last post shows how bloody brave you are, even though you have had enough. My heart cries for you. And your family.

Lots of love
Melxx

I have been gardening and have decided that this autumn I am going to find a very special tree and plant it in my back garden, along with some snowdrop bulbs. Snowdrops remind me of the way life never goes, but is always just under the surface.

I will make sure the tree is deciduous so that every Spring when the buds arrive it will reinforce my memories of all the life and fun that Adrian brought to his really bad situation. Maybe other people can do it too?

Dear Adrian:

What is left? I don't have words.. I read with some comfort the words of Shiney and Tash and Steven's Mom, and, and, and...

Maybe that is what you want from us? To take comfort from each other and continue on with your legacy? And remember always the Sudders affect?

I don't know, I have no answers...If you and your parents are choosing how to end all of this, you have my respect and my encouragement..but I will miss you terribly..

Love you with all my heart and I won't say we have never met......We have Adrian, WE HAVE!!!

heart to heart...

therese

Dear Adrian,

We love you and support you all the way. We will always remember you and talk about you. Just know now that you will have saved many people long after you have passed. You have done great things with your life. Congratulations!

With lots of love,
kathy from USA

Adrian
I have been following your blog for some time now. I want you to know how much you have inspired me with your honest sharing. Your approach to how you are dealing with your illness is such an inspiration to all of us who read the blog. Thank you for sharing it with us. It is important for our lives to have meaning Adrian, and you have given meaning to mine.
I am praying for all you wish for during these final days. May our God and the angels carry you in strength, courage and peace.
Barb in Arizona

Adrian,

I have been reading the blog for a short while now. However, I have never replied. After reading this post, I must reply and tell you that I admire you, your strength, and your love for your family and friends. God made someone with such a beautiful soul. I will continue to pray that God holds you in the palm of His hand during your journey. My heart aches for you and all who love you. But, I know that you will forever be in my heart, as well as, theirs. God Bless you!

(((((HUGS)))))

Mary from Martinsburg, West Virginia

Thank you for sharing your journey with us Adrian.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Rest assured your memory will live on with your friends here on the internet.

Hi Adrian

Just one of the many, here again.

I'm sobbing too. Full of pride for you and your achievements - honoured to have 'known' you through your blog.

And now, you've made a very brave choice - wishing you and those close to you nothing but peace.

Vic x

Adrian,I can fully understand your decision,Iwish you painfree peace,You are a truly amazing man.You are surrounded by love and your army will send you on the wings of love. To Laura,good idea, how about if we bloggers say Adrian,at midday whereever in the world we live.TO Adrian and Everyone sharing this sorrow, love light & reiki hugs p.s. I mean everyday.I have cml,and your blog has said it all.Enjoy your family & friends, but save some strength for.brave,amusing,caring,lovely you.God Bless. Brendiexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HI

I just wanted to say HI - I'm Chris Austin's cousin who has dropped into your blog regularly over the last weeks & months... I wish I had words half as good as yours but I don't but you are in my thoughts.

Can't be in Sheffield area but sending you a huge hug.

Sue

Thinking of you Adrian, as always x x

An unexpected effect of the Sudders effect...yesterday after reading your message and shedding a few tears (okay, maybe more than a few) I stepped out on my patio to have a smoke. I'm what is considered a 'social smoker' but it seems that the last couple of weeks, I'd become a lot more 'social.' Then, my hypocrisy hit me. Here was our beloved AD being so strong and fighting so hard, yet his body is fighting against him. And, here I am, healthy, yet fighting against my body. Well no more! I promptly threw my pack of smokes away. Just another one of the many ways that Adrian has had an impact on me. I hope we all treat ourselves and each other a little better in honor of Adrian.

As always, much love to you and yours Adrian.

I totally understand the decision you've taken for yourself. All that is left to say is God Bless, take time to say your proper goodbyes to your loved ones. It's been a privilege to know you through this blog.

Been fighting the urge to comment every time I log on. Don't want to overwhelm you with things to read when the time you have left is so precious and has to be shared with so many, not to mention the need to have some time for yourself.

Have to echo Tammy's suggestion about the Cathedral service. I can only speak for myself, but knowing the human spirit and knowing a little something about grief, I know that it'll be hard to attain closure without some sort of access to the service.

I know that I've already begun to feel somewhat jealous of everyone who will be able to get to Sheffield (again with the making me feel like a selfish person eh Adrian?).

I've been at services that have been filmed for family members living in Australia and unable to make it home. Ultimately, it's a personal choice for you and your family though Adrian, as to whether or not you think it's something you'd agree to.

Phyllis' tree, Laura's convergence of energy at one point of every day, Therese's "heart to heart" - You have touched us all Sudders!

Thinking of you as ever.
Tash

Sharing your journey through illness will help many people that you know and indeed many that you never heard of.

I celebrate your life and hope the next phase is painfree and peaceful.

I'm like many people here who don't want to be one more thing you have to do, one more thing that takes away the time you have left. I've not commented before now, but I've been reading for quite some time. I just wanted to say how proud I am, that through your dying you've shown so many how to live. Thank you for everything you've done. My best to your family and friends. My hope now is for you to go gently.

To your parents - thank you for giving us this gift that is your son. Bless you.

what an amazing guy. im sure your family know it already, but you truly are remarkable and everything you have done will help someone else one day, just remember that!

Dearest Adrian,

You will live on in so many others as you have touched all of our lives. I am so sorry you have to endure the cruelties of life but thankful that you also got to experience some of the beauty as well. You are definitely leaving this earth much better than you found it and have left me awe struck with your honesty through this journey you are now on. You are a hero to all that know you and know about you, and have deeply affected my life in such a positive way. I tell all I can about you and your strength, bravery, and willingness to share your final days with the world. Not many could do as you have, using these last moments of this life in such a positive way to help others. You are a selfless person, my friend, and that is one thing you can be very, very proud of. I pray that God gives you peace and serenity and that you will not suffer or languish, but mostly I pray for that MIRACLE that could still be. I know you have accepted your fate, but one must always have hope and faith to the last. If this is not to be, then I know you will flourish in your new life and will make a difference wherever you are. God speed, Adrian and know you are truly loved by so many. Thanks for letting us into your life and thanks for showing us the way.

God Bless you, always,
Tracy
Oklahoma, USA

Hello Adrian

We are all thinking of you and admire the fact that you have regained some form of control for the coming time.

Cherish each moment and go well, my friend.

Best Wishes as always to you & your family.

Liz

Hello Adrian

We think of you daily & are pleased you have regained some control over the coming time.

Cherish each moment and go well, my friend.

Best Wishes as always to you & your family.

Liz

You take the best option for you lovely tyke lad,
Bit of an arse that it takes the rest of us a lifetime to get" it "
You my friend got it in spades !and only took you 27 years !
Always throw your very bad shapes when I'm playing that girls aloud track,and always will.
Love to you,your mam,dad and lovely sister
sue xxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Adrian,

You are one of the bravest, most inspirational people that I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know. You have literally impacted the lives of thousands of people, and you will never be forgotten.

I have been reading your posts for some time now, and I find myself alternately laughing and crying, but always rooting for you. Your attitude during this time of unimaginable adversity has been nothing short of remarkable!

My fondest regards to you and your wonderful family.

Don't really know if I have the right words here but when I read your blog today this is what came to mind.

Reading the arrangements for your funerals is very sad but I'm sure planning it brings comfort to you and you family.

Have you contacted the council to get them to stop the trams? There will be so many people who will want to say goodbye and whose lives you have made a difference to they will spill out all over the front of the Cathedral and onto Fargate.

You are very inspirational in everything you do. I wish you and your family peace and laughter in the time ahead.

Hi Sudders,

THANK YOU for being YOU! You will never be forgotten.

We are all here with you, holding your hand. Sending you lots of love and support to you and your family.

Sending another BIG hug and a sloppy kiss.

THANK YOU!
Sarah xxx

Adrian, I wish you peace and love. You are one of a kind and we need more people like you in this world. Your heart and soul is immeasureable. I feel so privileged to have gotten the chance to meet you through this blog. You have changed my life. Thank you.

God Bless you my brother,
Michael

Dear Adrian,

I was so sad to read your post, but glad that you have made the decision you feel is right for you. Your courage and dignity at this time are humbling. My dad is at the beginning of a similar journey to yours, and we don't know how it will end, but reading your blog has given me the courage to face the situation. You have given so much to so many of us and your absence will be sorely felt. I wish you peace, comfort and love in these next few weeks, and, when it finally comes, a quiet passing.

My love, thoughts and prayers

Elaine x

Adrian....

Your last post was, in retrospect, not unexpected and I hope you get the plan of action that helps to keep you in control for as long as poss.....

Alongside my husband, I helped plan my father-in-law's funeral (he died of bowel cancel).

Having your family and friends involved in planning your celebration of life (I hate the word funeral), will always be a comforting memory for them all.

And for those who attend, it will give them a feeling of closeness and that you really are there with them in spirit. Just knowing that it is exactly what 'you' wanted !!!! How fitting....

I salute you Adrian, and I feel so sad that your journey is nearing its end. I will never EVER forget the impact you have had.

I truly wish that your remaining days are filled with love and laughter, and when it's time to let go you will rest in peace.

much much love
xxxxreiki hugsxxxx
dawny

Oh Adrian,

What can I say that hasn't already been said, and much more eloquently than I could ever have managed (I just scraped a pass in GCSE English. My teacher was amazed and delighted...)

I would have loved to have met you in this life, but as that's now very unlikely, I'm going to find you in the next one and give you a big hug!

Thank you for all you have done, and for being such an inspiration to more people than you will ever know. I wish you peace.

With lots of love, Diane xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Adrian,

I have no useful words. I am in complete and utter tears, crying like a baby. I just kept hoping..

I've been one of your blog readers for a year now. Your honesty, and brilliant writing made me (and I am sure everyone else) feel like you were talking directly to me. I laughed with you, cried for you, and prayed for you. Even though this end is not what we all hoped for you, I believe God answered alot of prayers.

That you find your purpose. That you serve your purpose. And of course along the way, look how many lives you touched, and affected. Yes, you are amazing.

I pray that your remaining time is filled with love, peace, and as much comfort as possible. Know that your impact is and will be known far and wide, long into the future.

Darlin Tash...

Hang in there...I know this is rough for you and all of the regulars here...Close your eyes for a minute and go deep, deep down..There you will find your heart, with mine next to it..You can feel the love...if we keep this moving...even though we can't be there for Adrian, we can be there, all of us, not

keystroke to keystroke...but truly heart to heart...

I can feel it. We are walking with him..

therese

It was with so much sadness that I read this latest post.As much as the news is not unexpected it is the news that none of us wanted to hear.I hope that when you read through the comments you can find some solace in the way that you have begun to educate so many people on the need to become donors.There is no doubt that you have made an incredible,lasting impression and brought about a change for the good.
I never met you Adrian and now I never will.What I do know is that thousands of your readers feel like you are their friend due to the strength of your writing and the sheer force of your personality.You will never be forgotten and this record of your struggles will live on and in some sense will give you the immortality you richly deserve.You are a force to be reckoned with Adrian and I sincerely hope that your last days with your family are full of love and free from pain.

Very best wishes and a heartfelt thank you for taking the time to reach out and educate others.Your generosity of spirit and sense of determination should serve as an inspiration to all.You will be so greatly missed.

Elaine
New York

Dear Adrian

Your strength & courage amazes me. You have moved thousands of people and through your campaign will save so many lives. Your Army will stay strong.

Wishing you lots of happiness and peace to you and those close to you.

Thinking of you as always

Jet xXx

Gorgeous words Therese.

Everyone's words are so heartfelt on here, not really a big surprise, but it's so wonderful.

Phyllis, if you don't mind I'll borrow your idea. Snowdrops are by far my favourite plant so that would mean so much to me too to plant them and think of you Sudders and anyone else dear to me who I've lost and to remember them with something that refreshes and regrows each year would be amazing.

Tash,totally understand what you mean re closure and am sure it can be arranged if Adrian and his family are in agreement.

Today, I've thought so much about you Adrian, your family and all your friends and everyone on here.

I've kept thinking about a song from the musical 'Wicked'. It's called 'For good'. I'm not given to sentimentality (or at least not displaying it) but it's words more than ever have resonated with me massively in this. I've not had the pleasure of knowing you in person Adrian but by god, I do feel I've learnt so much from you and I hope I became a better more patient person as a result.

Rather than copying and pasting I've linked the words. Sorry for being mushy. It's the Sudders effect!

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/w/wicked22494/forgood1009588.html

I hope you're having a restful day today Adrian. Same goes for everyone else and I hope tomorrow goes okay.

Love to all.
Toni xxxx

Dear Adrian,

One more day is over, I hope it went quietly.
It is night here in India,just few mnts to midnight.I do not know how I can sleep peacefully from now on.Tried to watch a movie, no use..

I hope when I check tomorrow morning there is some good news from you.My mind says you will not have any troubles tonight, I really hope so.

And I hope you will change your decision tomorrow and decide to take your tablets.More than we want ..I want you to be alive for as long as you can.Sorry to write like this, I know you may not like it.I never want to attend your funeral,I want to see you alive.

Whether you take your tablets or not you can leave this world only when someone up there calls you.Who knows he can call me first before you!!

Hope you had a nice day...it is only evening there, I think.

All of you out there sleep well tonight, we all had a very bad Sunday.

Lots of love,

Shiney.

Hi Adrian

Just returned from a month in France and so I was out of reach of a computer to see the final total for the petition. I've just seen all the news about it on the blog now. I am delighted that you hit the 10,000 mark. That is amazing.

Thought you also might like to know that the facebook group we started at the beginning of the campaign now has over 2,500 members and is continuing to grow. The support and messages about trying to spread the word on the group home page show just how passionate people are about the topic.

We're all thinking of you, you are one amazing guy.

Best wishes

Helen and everyone at Sheffield Marrow

Adrian,

I just wish you peace , I hope they sort out the pain for you . I still think you have done so well to do all that you have done whilst undergoing all of this serious battle with leukaemia and the treatment.

Wish you are feeling better or have an easy night .

Much love to you

L x

The expected is almost unexpected because we don't want you to lose this fight. But, let's get real eh! This is NOT our fight, it's been yours and you need peace. At this moment in time I feel I can only keep you in my daily thinking and wish you as much peace as is feasibly possible, but really I don't feel that's enough. xxxxxxxxxxx

Thinking of you, Adrian. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and that includes this blog family as well. Nothing profound to say, except I wish us all peace and joy and love. I'm going to enjoy some quality time with my family on this sunny Texas Sunday, and I hope everybody out there gives their family and friends extra hugs and is truly thankful for what we have, and what we've been a part of.

Wow, reading all the comments echoes how I feel. You are someone who inspires me and I dont think I could ever be as brave as you. Thinking of you and sending big hugs. xxxxx

Dear Adrian,

Rest easy with your decision. You did your best for others, now do what you need to do for you.

Go gently into that long goodnight.

Go out with the tide....the tide of love and support from so many who have learned to love you. Let it wash you to a better place with no pain and no struggle.
Above all, slip away from us gently.
Go with our love to carry you.
Goodnight Adrian, God Bless.
much love
Christine Cook

Adrian...
You are amazing.. How you still manage to share your feelings with us as poignantly as you do, when faced with this outcome, is beyond me. I have been away for a week and I could not wait to get home and check how you were. I am so sorry it has come to this.
Although we have never met, my thoughts are with you daily, as well as with your family.
Warm regards
Dawn xx

I only found your blog recently - but it has been an honour to read about you and read your posts. You are a truely inspiration man, thank you Adrian, much love xx

Hi Adrian,

You are such a lovely and brave person. My father has just started treatment for a relapse of aggressive non-hodgkins disease, which came as a bit of a shock to all the family to say the least. Like yourself, he is just about to undergo a stem cell transplant sometime over the next few weeks. I have found your blog entries and account of your treatment so inspiring and informative. When times have been tough over the past few weeks, i have taken solence in this site and have found you a total inspiration as i'm sure so many people who have exprienced cancers such as Lukemia and Non-Hodgkins will agree.

You will be solely missed to turn to for guidance. I have never found such a web site to be so addictive and heart warming with genuine comments of support from people. I agree that you are a true hero and my sincere wishes go out to all your family and loved ones who have been lucky enough to know and spend time with you. What a brave and hard decision you have made, i dread to think how i would cope if my father had to make the same one. What i do know, is if we do ever have to make that decision, i will sit and think about you, your braveness and this site and will get my inspiration to carry on from that.

You will be forever in my thoughts

xx

As much as it hurts us all we must let you go. Your parents have been blessed with a wonderful Son and your Sister with a wonderful Brother. We will all miss you but will always respect your decision. May you have the peace which you so rightly deserve. Your lifes work has been 'well done'. With love Caroline xx

Evening Adrian, evening all...

Just checkin in as usual. Toni - absolutely perfect song! Saw Wicked last time I was in London - Brilliant - but had forgotten how apt the lyrics are!

Thanks for your kind words Therese. More tears. Think I'm trying to get the sad out :)

Hope you've had a good day Adrian. Best of luck for tomorrow's appointment with your medical team. Will be thinking of you.

Here's to what dreams may come.

Ndinombethe
Tight hugs
Tash

Just like everyone else here checking in by the hour to see whats going on - see if our sudders had worte anything else in the blog to th blog family.

One comment i received earlier was regarding the education system that was posted in my personal blog - "there are many things that should be included in the system, but it dissapoints as always". I think this is very true.

Vicky

Ah Adrian,

What to say? A HUGE thank you for sharing so much with us, your blog family around the world. You have done all the hard work, so try to relax now and bathe in the peace and love being sent your way from us all.

Will always remember what a difference you made to so many.

Night, night. God Bless you and your family.

XXX

Hi Adrian,
Been out to friends for a barbeque since 3pm and am just checking back in.
I didn't really want to go but realised I was being silly because we all need our friends around us. You were talked about (in the nicest possible way) and all sent their love.
Hoping that you've had a really restful day with your lovely family.
Have read the messages that have been posted since 3pm and such beautiful things are being said.
You have justly earned all these acolades, lovely Adrian and there will be many more.
Have a peaceful, comfortable night.
Love, hugs, kisses and soothing thoughts to you and yours.
Christine M.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Adrian - well what can I say that hasn't already been written. Although expected its still a shock and brings back so many memories of losing my husband only a few years ago to cancer. I remember the consultants saying to me with only a few weeks to go 'he won't be suffering any more because we will look after him - its you who will have it hard' well they did look after him and we had a very special last 2 weeks and in the end he did go in his sleep, as far as I am aware and hope peacefully. I sincerely wish for the same for you. The impact you have had on peoples lives is phenomenal, unfortunately I am to old to go on the bone marrow register but I am encouraging anyone I know to register. Adrian i hope you and your family treasure the time left and add a few more precious memories. AgainI know its selfish but please try and keep us updated as like everyone else although I don't know you Ifeel as though I do. The sudders effect will live on.
LOL xxx

Hi Adrian,
Just been at a barbeque with friends since 3pm so checking in to read messages posted since then. There are some beautiful comments being made about you and you have earned all of them.
Hope you have had a peaceful day with your family and that you have a restful and comfortable night.
Love, kisses, hugs and soothing thoughts to you and yours, lovely Adrian.
Christine M.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Adrian,
I just wanted to add my name to your list of admirers and tell you what an inspiration you are to the CML world we live in. I recently passed my 12th year with CML, but my life with CML could never come close to all that you have suffered. I'm sorry that you didn't get to be the writer you set out to be before fate intervened, you would have been great at it. You have inspired us with your animations and awakened us to the plight of patients who do not respond to drugs. You have emptied yourself and in so doing, you have filled us with warmth and encouragement. May your journey help you close this chapter and open a new one.

Hello Adrian

I am so sorry to read that you are coming to the end of your journey. I have so much admiration and respect for you, and I sincerely hope and pray that you are at peace in yourself. I hope that the end, when it comes, is as painful and dignified as you deserve it to be.

I have been keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers for a couple of months ever since I first came across your blog. I will continue to pray for you and your family after you have gone.

God bless you and keep you,
much love Rosie xxx

(P.S. Confirmation letter received last week that I am now officially on the bone marrow donor register...like I said to you in an earlier message, the legacy you are leaving behind goes on and on xxx)

Oh my god! Just re-read my post above and am mortified to read that I typed painful - I obviously mean painless! Sorry (I'm such an idiot). Much love again, Rosie xxx

Hi fella
stay strong mate
baz an dawn
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi fella
stay strong mate
baz an dawn
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi fella
stay strong mate
baz an dawny
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gosh! I am never lost for words. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and friends. I just don't know what to say at the moment. You are an amazing man. Louise

Adrian
thankyou for coming into our lifes the short time we had nursing you will always be special. remember when tracy and i came to see you our conversation about at least you have time to spend with your parents and are able to say goodbye not like me and my son who was taken suddenly and what my reply to you was, this is what i mean . you are an inspiration and what your parents must be going through at this time seeing you in pain and not being able to do anything to ease it my thoughts and love go out to you and your wonderful family. all the patients at work keep asking about you. hope your time left is peaceful you deserve that.
always in my thoughts
Maggie

Dear Adrian,

Another first timer, although again I've been following you for a while. I work for TM too, and signed up for the register a couple of years ago after doing a story on a baby brother and sister who both needed transplants.

I always wanted to tell you that after meeting them, signing up was a just complete no-brainer - if there was just the slightest chance I could do something to help these beautiful kids (or anyone), to attempt to change what they'd been fated to, there was just no question but to give it a try.

That's why I guess I've been a bit slow on the uptake as to the importance of your campaign - it's hard to believe what people need telling about what should be so damn obvious.

Your work, and your words, have been incredible and compelling. Thank you. x

Vicky

Dear Aidy

Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us all, I have followed your blog & You are truly inspirational, with a great heart & great Courage.

I will help & support my cousin Ben to the best of my ability, as will my mum with Fee and Andy. On a final note all our family send you our love & wish you the very best in this deeply sad predicament.

you have made your mark & you will be remembered we great affection, bravery & spirit.

much love
Tam XXXX

Dear Adrian

Thank you for strength and courage which has helped me turn my life around.

May you be blessed with peace during this time...

your are in my thoughts and prayers

Carole

Dearest Aidie,

No magic words of wisdom just the biggest hugs possible and loads of love for you and the family, who are all very special people - just as you are.
Hoping that all those that love and support your quest and decision making will be always close to hand helping and easing the tough moments ahead.
I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and all those that love you.
Take care special thoughts and hopes.

Love Janexxxxxxxx

Adrian, Just checking in, am in agreement with us all thinking of you at twelve oclock whereever we are. Also have snowdrops in my garden, will plant some more to make me smile in the Spring. Would like to add........think we should have a toast to you at eight p.m. on a Friday night in your honour.
Have had the family round for Sunday lunch today and whilst thinking of you (yes with panda eyes) luckily no one noticed (what does that say!!?) Was extra nice to everyone (not in a sickly way). Am now about to hit the rose (again) have turned into a lush (hey ho).
but will recycle the bottles.
Love and light lovely man. Your mad old aunty (by proxy) Val x

Adrian, as a medical doctor I know it is true that 'towards the end patients just fall asleep.' These are certainly the most important words I like to ad.

Sad as it is, you've made a logic decision and by doing so naturally you feel a little bit better.

Your readers have known that it would come to this by your recent postings 'last staying in my apartment, last job as a national journalist, last trying to have some fun as a reporter', trying to forget that the leukaemia has been ruling your young life for 18 months.

Better than medicines, music and literature can cure wounded bodies and souls.

I was reflecting on that attending a World Music Festival this weekend. I've heard Portuguese Fado tristessa (having a disease is horrible, we can do nothing about it, just cry and be miserable and melancholic), Spanish Flamenco passion (we fight against it with all our power and anger, although we know it will kill us) and African joie de vivre (we have a disease, we feel sick and depressed but we still enjoy the good moments with friends and family).

http://www.myspace.com/lulapena

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__AdseE2boU&feature=related

http://www.myspace.com/victordeme

In your blog, you showed the world that you have a gift to write on all these feelings in Medicine and Science.

I found your video's and writings searching in YouTube for a movie to educate patients about stem cell transplantation. And I found so much more. 'There is a wisdom of the head and a wisdom of the heart. - Dickens'. And you have them both Adrian. Thank you very much for sharing them with the world…

I will probably post nothing more, leaving you time for saying goodbye to your parents, family and friends.

But I like to give you a text that I've sent to a very good friend during his stem cell transplantation (as you've said a very, very hard period; with nothing else comparable).

'It begins with a journey. You must cross an ocean.
Can you imagine - can you feel - what it is to cross an ocean? For weeks you see nothing but the horizon. All round you. Perfect, and empty. Your ship is small - tiny - a speck in such immensity. You live with fear, in the grip of fear - fear of storms, fear of sickness on board, fear of the immensity.
What if you never escape? How can you escape? There's nowhere to go.
So you must drive your fear down, deep into your belly, and study your charts, and watch your compass, and pray for a fair wind - and hope.
Pure naked fragile hope, when all your senses scream at you, Lost! Lost!
Imagine it. Day after day, staring west, the rising sun on your back, the setting sun in your eyes, hoping, hoping -
At first it's no more than a haze on the horizon, the ghost of a haze, the pure line corrupted. But clouds do that, and storms. So you watch, you watch.
Then it's a smudge, a shadow on the far water.
For a day, for another day, the stain slowly spreads along the horizon, and takes form - until on the third day you let yourself believe.
You dare to whisper the word - land!
Land. Life. Resurrection.
The true adventure.
Coming out of the vast unknown, out of the immensity, into safe harbour at last.
That - that - is the New World.'

- 'To Cross an Ocean', words spoken by Sir Walter Raleigh in 'Elisabeth, the Golden Age' (2007)

A New World without leukaemia (here and in that other for us totally Unknown World)…

In the Stem Cell Transpant World, we will never forget you.

Ann

Adrian,
I am not a religious man. But I know that we are given oppurtunities from different conditions in life.
You have really taken care of your oppurtunities and been using them to even strengthen other people around you.
You have given your best and thats why I admire you.

Adrian,

I also wanted to add my name to your long list of admirers. You truly are an inspiration to so many people. You should be very, very proud of all that you have achieved. Your blogg has only recently come to my attention and all I can say is that you are an absolutely amazing person. You are in my prayers.......God bless.

Della
xxxxxxxx

Adrian,

you've occupied my thoughts most of the day. I hope you're more comfortable now stomach-wise and that your decision may even have brought you some degree of relief. I also hope the meeting with your healthcare team goes well tomorrow.

...I also wanted to thank you, your family and friends for the tremendously generous gesture of an 'open' funeral service / celebration of your life in Sheffield. I'd be honoured to go, I will do my very best to be there. Thank you for considering and including us at this time - it means the world to us.

Sorry - I feel a little flat tonight. I've allowed the sadness of the past couple of days to catch up with me. On a lighter note though, I have to say I like Val's idea of the weekly '8pm Friday night toast' to you! - No, it's not just another excuse for a drink, honest - lol !!

All my love to you, those around you - and the wider blog family, Charlotte xx

"Dying is a wild night and a new road",
sleep well Adrian,
Vx

8pm Friday night, Val. Be there or be square! I love it that we're planting flowers and trees and raising glasses and being "extra nice" to everyone around us, some even giving up smoking. (And I cleaned my whole house!! That's nothing to make light of. Just ask my husband. :-) )Does the Sudders Effect have no limits?? I think not. I won't offer to plant anything in your honor, Adrian -- I have a "black thumb" so to speak, but I have printed a copy of your face in front of #10 and I have it framed and sitting on a shelf in my office, so I can smile back at you whenever I want. Much love to you. xoxoxoxoxox

Lacey

Hi Adrian, Today has been a roller coaster of emotion to say the least. I am now sitting in my house on my own after seeing my children off to Thailand, reflecting on how unfair life can be. Why do beautiful, intelligent, unique human beings have to be snatched from us when they still have so much to offer. The idea of planting a tree to remember you is a wonderful idea and something that was done for my brother in his school in Brazil and it is wonderful to see how much it has grown and how beautiful it is. I can see your tree on sale in Homebase with a carefully chosen name (to be decided after careful consideration) and all proceeds to Leukaemia Research. I am sure the volume of posts will make for difficult reading and I am sure none of us would be offended if you skipped through these but I think it is probably true that it makes us feel better to leave a post and if you read it great but don't worry if you dont. Hope you have a peaceful night. Chris

Hugs from Glastonbury

and when the time is right,

happy dreams.

XXXX

Adrian,

You're breaking ground now.

I am not a psychic nor am I a medium but I have had many expierences with those no longer with us. I know there is so much more than just the physical time line we live in.

You cannot begin (build) anything new without breaking ground first. This is not a new idea and is witnessed with every new building in every town, our career exploits and even in every new relationship we make. Every single thing has a beginning. This is the start to your new beginning - your new stomping grounds.

It doesn't mean reading this post is easy in any way, I can only pretend to imagine what it was like to write. I am so very sad. The breaking point at the bottom of my heart sad. At the same time I can feel only happiness for you because breaking ground of this sort is so very, very special and miraculous. Last year I held my best friend in my arms as he moved on. It was painstakingly brutal for me, that is no lie. At the same time it was the most beautiful, love filled moment of my life. I carried him to the end and against all my will, let him go. To be honest, It was so peaceful it was hard to tell, even as I cradled his body in my arms, the moment that this world came to and end and when the new one began. For me, I was incredibly happy and relieved that I was there for him, so glad he wasn't alone.

The greatest gift from and for you and from and for your family is being together at that time.

It is the ultimate gift of giving & recieving.

The fact that you are able to make this choice for yourself and your family speaks volumes. Knowing the peace and beauty that awaits, I am so very thankful that you and your family can have this time. I pray that although it will be the time of deepest sadness it can also be a time of great comfort for all. To be circled with such love when you are breaking new ground IS truly the best that this life can provide.

I dreamt of you twice last week, I knew at that point it was getting close and you were hurting quite badly. In one dream, your mom was cooking, you were lying on the couch and I was patting your head with a cool towel. Suddenly you began to laugh for no reason and then everyone else started laughing too, as they were happy for you. And happy they were.

My intuitions always start as dreams and then the communication progresses. No doubt you know many people waiting for you. I also have the unfortunate luck of having many friends and family on the otherside. This may sound like crazy talk to some people reading this and normally I would never expressed this side of myself so willingly but it is the very least I can do for you - someone who has loved strangers so selflessly and created the hope of a new life for so many. I let my crew on the otherside know that you are coming. They'll be there for you if you need them. They will hook you up.

This is going to be a beautiful thing for you.

I was going to email this directly to you and then thought maybe someone else might feel better reading it as well so I decided to make it a public post. I hope it helps you, your family, friends and perfect strangers.

It is so hard to say this but congratulations on this new beginning.

Sing a song the angels know when this time is right for you.

They'll be carrying a little piece of all our hearts on your journey.

Love, Bethany

Dear A,

Of course your entry was hard to read, but after following your journey it would be impossible to look away. I wish that you feel as many of us around you as possible.

I wish you comfort, calm, friendship & peace.

All the best to you and your wonderful family,

Howard

'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits seems an appropriate dedication to you my friend:

http://www.youtube.com/v/k5JkHBC5lDs&hl

Paddy

Adrian love,

Denial can really take over when something as painful as losing a loved one/friend happens. I, like many of your other blog family members, wished, prayed, and hoped that this time would not come. Therefore, with the power of all of this wishing, praying, and hoping, this could not and would not happen.

Adrian, I am devistated. I don't quite know how to say goodbye to you. I am so very honored to have met you through your wonderful blog. You are truly a beautiful person and you have lived your 27 years to the fullest. You have maintained control over every aspect of your life. You have expertly executed a world wide campaign for bone marrow donation. You have succeeded in journalism. You are a loved son, brother and friend.

I just know that your next journey is going to be full of love and beauty. You will never be forgotten and your cause will continue to be carried out through your family and friends (including me).

Thank you for being who you are. Thank you sharing your most intimate, painful, funny, successful, sad, loving moments of your life with me and this community. I feel blessed to have witnessed a piece of your life.

You are loved Adrian. I wish you peace, comfort and love.

Love,
Rachel

And thank you Bethany for your words. Had a good cry while reading them, but this time happy tears. :-)

It really has been heartbreaking to read these last few posts, i really feel for you.

From my time on this blog, i've learnt that you are a wonderful person, a true legend.

So i raise my metaphorical glass to you, Adrian - a true legend.

I've read comments saying how 'brave' you are but brave is when you have a choice and you don't, so I guess you have been making the best from a bad situation more for your love of your family, friends and life itself, imagine if you hadn't had that? it is that that has brought you this far....there are too many people that die without feeling that love, alone maybe and without achieving anything near what you have done, theres also the ones that die suddenly and its only after they've gone people write on blogs, myspace, etc how much they loved them - and I always think how much would it have meant to them to read that before they died? you've had that amazing oportunity which most people never get and for every single one of us one day will be our last....and the hardest of all is for the ones left behind, I can't begin to imagine how your parents must be feeling (how the f**k would I feel?) it must be physically and emotionally draining for you all, you will leave a space that no one else can ever fill and I hope that feels kinda good, I remember that poem from somewhere saying something along the lines of 'I'm not gone, I'm just in the next room, call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the same way you used too, laugh at our same old jokes, just cause I'm out of sight, let me not be out of mind'
this has ended up being a far longer message than I meant to write! but I hope in the many ways that you've 'touched' other peoples lives they have also 'touched' yours and really makes you see how much compassion there is in the World - if you just reach out for it - and for however bad your feeling it must make you feel good! Thankyou for making me realise that x I don't know you at all, but I feel connected, like I understand where you are coming from and in some way how you must be feeling, keep strong (not brave!) keep laughing, keep loving, and sleep tight xxx (and don't let the bed bugs bite!)
Sarah x

I have been following this blog for a long time but never posted before, Adrian I am so sorry to read the latest news, I dont know what to say, only that you are such a brave person and a true inspiration to so many people.
Sarah mentioned a few lines from Henry Scott Holland's beautiful poem - it gave me so much comfort when i lost my father, (SEE BELOW).

Sheila xxxxxx

I HAVE ONLY SLIPPED AWAY INTO THE NEXT ROOM

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

Dear Ad and Family, and Liam and Team HEART TO HEART...

Its 4 in the afternoon here and I am hoping most of you are snuggled in the beds..awaiting what may come on Monday...God keep you all and give Adrian and his family the strength to take the right turn in the road....

I'll be praying for all of you tonite..

My prayers to you
My heart to yours....

We can't help him, you know, only love him and walk with him.......

heart to heart

Therese

Your name is and will certainly always be a household word Adrian.

And on Fridays at 8pm Val, Charlotte, Lacey and I (and many more, I'm sure) will be raising a glass to you!

(Uh, Val is that 8:00pm GMT cause that means I'll be drinking at the office at 3pm - Oh well, sounds good to me! Think Lacey will be drinking at 2pm? haha!)

Love and warm thoughts to you and yours Adrian!
xoxo
Tash

Hi Adrian, (post no 3, i'm getting over my shyness!)

Just remember it aint over yet! You can still enjoy the best things in life - waking up, fresh air, rain on your face, seeing lovely familiar faces, laughing at old jokes, favourite foods and drinks (alcohol?), a trip to the seaside, good music, old photos, a good glass of vino; memories that last forever.....

You have touched my life. You are an inspiration, an education and you will live forever, of that I am sure. Thanks for your blog time, that is a selfless act in itself. I am sure we all understand if this is it from you on the blog front(but I bet it isn't!)

Thinking of you, as I have done for months now! I am not going to mention the S(talker) word! xxxxxxxxxxx

Enjoy each day as much as you can. Much love from my house to your house xxxxxxxxx

It's so unfair that this has happened to you, and I don't think that if I was in the same position I would have had either the strength or the selflessness to dedicate my time and energy to trying to change the world and make it a better place. The world needs more people like you and it's going to be our loss when you are gone. I wish you peace x

Count me in on the drinking at 8pm each Friday thing. You've had to really twist my arm on this I hope you all know.....

I absolutely love Team Heart to Heart (not at all anything to do with the fact that I have a faintly embarrassing love for Hart to Hart from the 80s) and your words never fail to make me smile.

Paddy, that song is one of my absolute favourites and so apt too. Bethany, Sarah and Jo, your posts tonight have had me in bits, tears and smiles.

Off to bed now, love to everyone and hoping you all have a good Monday.

xxxx

Dearest Adrian and family

Just checking in before trying to sleep..you'll all be in my thoughts tomorrow, or should I say today, and in everyone else's on here. Hope it goes as well as it can in the circumstances. The comments above are just full of love and sincerity and we are all walking beside you on this journey.

Can I just say to Therese, your words are so comforting.

Bethany, what a beautiful way to look at things! Quite inspirational...have to admit to more tears!

So goodnight to all, and a special goodnight to our lovely Adrian.

Much love as ever
Barbara xx

Tash, if I have to drink at 2pm, so be it. All in the name of love. :-)

24yrs ago my father died peacefully in his sleep surrounded by the people who loved him..he too died of leukaemia,i hope the ending is as peacefully for you when it comes...i remember him in many ways ,but always with a smile...
If im lucky enough to be here in another 24 yrs you will be still etched on my memory also,
God Bless you Adrian you have done so much for so many,Thankyou ..Karen x

Adrian
I've never posted before because I could never find the right words but stuff that cos its now or never. All I can say is that I constantly think about your plight and the difference you are making now and for the future. You have made your mark on the world in a way that is truly amazing yet ultimately tragic and so sad. I know you don't like the word brave hey thats what you are. So many people will remember you and I for one have been changed by what you have done.

So thank you Adrian and I hope the rest of your time is peaceful and painless. It's the very least you deserve.

Ros
Cardiff

God bless....

Adrian - and I hope you appreciate this! I was thinking about my own 'wake' and the songs I'd want played (how selfish is that!) would have to be Queen 'Show Must Go On' or 'Who wants to Live Forever' and Simply Red 'I Thank You' ... I'm sure everyone has a song that touches their lives and theres always a song to express how we feel, wish I'd wrote them! I'd be a millionaire now....x

I admire your courage and strength as you walk life's path. You are a brave warrior and will always be remembered.
Bless you,
Genie

weeping--yes

but i still can't help realizing the truth, that your life is a triumph!

as you move on to the next phase, i pray for peace for you and your beloved family.

post as long as you possibly can so that we can all walk together with you as long as we possibly can

and when it is time to soar, go with all our love

when you get there, say hello to my dad--you will like him enormously!

I'm glad my post is helping a little. :)

I would love to plant a tree. I love plants! Please keep us up to date on this plan. :)

I can't think of anything to say other than it's not fair - it's not fair for you, your family or your friends.

I mean, I know, blah, blah, life's not fair - I'm just suppose to accept that this is how things go, but I don't want to.

I want someone to find the cure for all cancers - I mean if someone could, what a day that would be, wouldn't it? If some doctor or scientist ever found THE cure there would have to be parades and celebrations in every country on the planet.

I mean, there are so many people in this world who are millionaires for stupid stuff like playing sports or acting in movies - but if some man or woman out there could finally find the cure to cancer - I think we would all agree that that person would deserve every sort of award and reward possible. I personally would be more than happy to be that person's maid, footman, floor polisher, whatever they needed.

I guess I am tired of how many brave, wonderful souls are taken from this world so needlessly - a few years ago a former classmate of mine died from melanoma - she, like Adrian, wrote a wonderful blog, which unflinchingly documented her struggle and all the ups and downs (I would definitely recommend that any fans of Adrian check it out at: http://tebspage.blogspot.com/)

I wish there was cure, but I know that for the moment - there isn't. Adrian, I wish life had dealt you a better hand, but you are and will always be an inspiration to me, because of what you did with the cards you got. If I can face life with even a 10th of your enthusiasm, strength and courage - then I'll be doing pretty good.

I wish you peace in your final days. You changed the world - and you changed us - and for that we say thank you.

Kate
Michigan, USA

Adrian,

I realized a couple of weeks ago that you and my 12 year old son have the same birthday. As every parent I pray that he will live a long fulfilling life full of adventure and love. I can tell that you have had that type of life abeit way too short. Your parents must be very proud of having you as their son. I pray that you continue to have peace in your heart as you are surrounded by your family and love ones near and far.

Carla
Indianapolis, IN

You are an inspiration and I wish you much peace as you start your final journey. I will be keeping you and all those who love you in my thoughts.

Peace & hugs
Laura (Ontario, Canada)

Been thinking - there's no much else to do on Sad Sundays is there?

Anyway, if you're a member of:
Adrian's Army;
Team Heart to Heart;
Green Thumb Gardeners;
Friday Night Lushes;
Cyber Stalkers;
or just can't stop thinking about our boy Adrian "Tough as Old Boots " Sudbury...

and you're interested in keeping in touch to:
1. Ensure that Adrian's legacy lives on;
2. See his campaign through until there's a mandatory talk to all sixth formers;
3. Lend support and comfort to one another;
4. Change the world one heart at a time...

then drop me a quick email, just a one liner and I'll start a mailing list and send out a group email so we all have each others details.

Just a thought, if you're interested. Some of us have already exchanged details but figured I'd open it up to anyone else who's interested. No pressure.

tashkelshall@yahoo.com

With love to you Adrian, your mum and dad, Carrie, all your friends and everyone else who's online at unGodly hours checkin in...

Warm wishes
xoxo
Tash

Peace be with you. You are in our prayers.

Dear Adrain,

You must be sleeping now, sleep peacefully.

I thought I am not going to sleep yesterday night, but I slept peacefully,I was very tensed to check your blog today morning dear Adrian.
But no post from you today...all these days I was eagerly waiting for your post,today I didnt want to read anything...I just do not want to hear that you are feeling unwell..just dont want to hear anything bad.

Have peace Adrian.

Hope you will have a peceful day today!

Lots of love,

Shiney

I continue to pray for God's peace and healing upon you. With that prayer for healing, I pray specifically for no pain, no discomfort and that you will feel well enough to see all of your friends and family. You are such an amazing man, Adrian. I pray for God's light to shine upon you and give you an amazing sense of peace, which I believe it already has. God bless.

Amy
Pennsylvania, USA

If it's ok...this comment is for Mr. and Mrs. Sudbury and Carrie;

I have posted several times over the last couple of months, and I read other comments, as many as I have time to. I see how your son has touched so many lives, and what a brave and determined man he is. Through everything he has, and is continuing to go through, he has a mission, and he is seeing it done, until the end, isn't he?

So, at this point, I just wanted to tell you, that as a mother of two boys (4 and 6), if they grow to be a fraction of the man that you have raised in Adrian, I will be especially proud, as I'm sure you are. Personally, he has brought new meaning to my life. He should be equally proud of himself!!

Carrie, as a sister (I have a sister, and a brother), I think of you as well. I just can't imagine. So my thoughts are always with you also.

To friends of Adrian;
I have several people in my life that I consider aquaintances, but you must all feel so lucky to have someone in your life such as Adrian, to call a friend!

I know you have so many other comments to read. I simply wanted you all to know that you are in my mind every moment.

Sending love and as always, well wishes.
Victoria

P.S. I have thoughts for you too Adrian.... I figured I'd split them up!

Oh my goodness Adrian, what to say to you...

Fighting through heartbreak to comment to you; Well, quite frankly, I find it very hard, slightly positive, but mostly sad.

I am a person that has a difficult time with this sort of thing, and when someone goes before what I consider their time, I continually say "It's not suppose to happen this way". (Who am I to say?) I simply don't handle this well. I literally cannot give my children a bath, being afraid of what might happen. I could go on... I won't

I have so many thoughts, but I said I wouldn't go on didn't I? I just want you to know that you have done something to me. This man, that I have never met, has made me think differently. About so many things Adrian.

So thinking of my cousin, who just passed away. He was so at peace, and ready to go. Just wanted all of the family to think of happy times. And wanted everything just so, as it seems you do. Positively just wanting peace and comfort for you!

Sadly, I feel like I'm losing the best friend that I've never met!

Every post, I try to keep short, but I have so many things to say to you.

I suppose on a funny note: When my husband passes me on the computer, he says, "Checking on Baldy?"

All my love; Victoria

Adrian...in the time I have been following your blog I have hoped and hoped for a miracle cure that would take this all away for you. I have commented here and there, but never quite seem to come up with the right words. After all, what right words exist for something like this? Something that should never happen to anyone, much less someone with so much life and happiness yet to live. I still don't have the right words, but please know your blog has touched my life and I am honored to have known you from a distance. As I said previously, cancer may take your life, but you have already beaten it by not allowing it to take your wonderful spirit. You are an amazing inspiration and I wish you peace. Know that you will not be forgotten.

Sending you more warm thoughts Adrian...

Heck I'll even throw in some of Christine's red talking hearts to float around your head and bring the message of love - was something along those lines wasn't it Christine?

Hope you're having a restful night...
Tight hugs from Trinidad
xoxo
Tash

Adrian (one of my favorite names...you share it with my great-great-grandfather),

I sit and read this post over and over again trying to comprehend how you must be feeling. It sounds as if you are at peace with your decision. I'm so very sorry to see that the time is coming soon. It breaks my heart to think that your posts will end in the near future.

I just want you to know how much you have effected me and thousands of others in the world. I know that your life may have left you with some things that you will never accomplish, but in my eyes...you are one of the most accomplished men out there! Look at all you've done! Your petition and story are changing things for so many others at this very moment. What an inspiration you are! We will all miss that beautiful smile of yours, your beautiful words and your beautiful spirit. You are a beautiful man to so many of us...inside and out.

Thank you for allowing us into your life and world. You HAVE made such a difference in many ways that you'll never know...Your Angel Wings will be well-earned, my friend.

I wish you courage, strength, peace, comfort and most of all....love-filled days and nights with your family and friends.

Much love and respect,
Tracy
Saginaw, Michigan USA

Dear Adrian, I only discovered your blog, there are not words to tell you how much I wish this wasn't happening to you. All I can do is wish you as much joy with your family and friends as possible, and the love and peace to see you through your journey. Take care- You are a Hero.
xxx
Liddy
Dunedin
New Zealand.

Adrian

so sorry for you & your family, you are an inspiration to all of us.

I hope the end, when it comes, is peaceful & pain free - you certainly deserve it to be!

Adrian.

You leave a legacy of hope for others.
I will never forget you .
I only wish that things go easy for you .
Emmeline

Adrian its 11:41pm here in arizona and I cant sleep, I cant get you off my mind. I find myself crying this evening, I will really miss you. Reading your blog every day has changed me, made me a better person. You are my hero.

Michael

Adrian

Your campaign will carry on - look at all the support there is for you. We will not let it stop - PROMISE! The Sudder's army will march on and on!
As you rightly say you must now focus on yourself, your family and friends and we are so grateful to you Adrian for sharing your journey although it is not the ending we would ever have wished for. Thank you.
Wishing you all much strength and peace at such a difficult time.

Alisonxxxxxxxxx

Good Luck with the journey, I hope its as comfortable and peaceful even as restful as possible. My mum almost passed away with a heart condition many years ago but is still here today - she talked about feeling incredibly peaceful and did the old out of body bit and going down a tunnel with light at the end but knowing it just wasn't her time yet - she now has no fear of when it is her time at all. She is a very practical woman and not 'other worldly' at all so I'm taking her word for it and hoping it is just as peaceful for you and anyone else when we all eventually get there. I hope your friends, family and yourself get to experience as many, or more tears of laughter and happiness as those of sadness. I've been quietly following your post for months hoping for the best for you, I'm still hoping for that best in whatever form it comes. Wishing you love, peace and happiness in a non-hippy but very real way!
Emma
PS whoever gets you as a guardian angel if that is the way things turn out is an extremely lucky and honoured person I reckon - where do we send our application? :)

Wishing you peace Adrian. Your legacy WILL continue. Know my dear man that you are loved by one and all....

I am being selfish here but not being able to get to your open celebration in sheffield is there any way of it being taped so we can all share with pride the celebration of your life.

To Adrain's mam and dad, you must know what an extraordinary man you have raised knowing what an inspiration he is and the lives he can save in the future with the talks and his "army's" dedication to ensure that his legacy continues, take comfort in our words and wishes as you are not alone in this.

May your passing be smooth and your party in the afterlife be wild....

love suzanne

Good luck Adrian. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family you will be sorely missed. I bet it will be amazing looking down to see how many people attend the second funeral. It will help your parents and friends to see how many lives you touched.

Enjoy what is left and you will soon be a peace.

Henny

Good Morning Adrian,

I hope you slept peacefully yesterday.

Today is your meeting with your doctors,I still have hope.May be I am selfish and I do not know about others, but I want you to be here as long as you can, provided doctors can reduce your pain and other serious discomforts.

My prayers are always with you and family.I can imagine what your family is going through.I wish them all peace of mind.

Lots of love

Shiney

Just one word sums you up - "Inspiration".

I think everybody is at a lost as to what to say, it is difficult reading this - but everybody is living this with you.

Stay Strong.

Jill and Paul

Hi Adrian,

You made me cry in my office! Now my colleagues are looking at me strangely and I suspect discussing whether I have some variety of drink problem or hormone issue. Or whether I'm pregnant. Ah well.

I think the way you can discuss these things and make decisions so clearly is amazing. I'd be sat in the corner like a complete wreck but you can look at the options and make sensible decision, for this I applaud you. And for the way that even now you are thinking of others, your family and friends, truly you should feel so proud of the way you've handled all this. Those who know you personally and those, like me, who know you through this blog will be left with memories of someone who didn't wallow in self pity when it all went bad but who made the best of it, started something that will save lives and handled the end with dignity and hunour. Oddly I'll miss you when you're gone, even though I've never met you, It's a funny world, this computer thing, isn't it?

Take care,
Loads of love,
Vicola

Im crying my eyes out after reading your post. i dont want u to go away.. not now not ever. i love reading your blog even if its been hard lately. i feel so sad but im happy u get peace now.
Take care lovely Adrian.

Hannah, Sweden

Like many others I don't have a clue what to say other than I wish you peace.

I log on daily and have been dreading reading this. You have become part of many peoples daily lives and I for one am going to miss reading your blog.

You will always be a massive inspiration and I will never forget you.

You and your family are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

Keep strong.
Much love Tracy x

you will always be around.we will know you are there making sure that damn government listens to us the SUDDERS ARMY til they give in n do whats right.come on folks lets keep this going and get adrian's wishes granted.his legacy will live on as will he.in our voices, our hearts ,our minds adrian will be there and that makes us strong to keep this fight going.will miss ya so much chuck you have given so much to so many and we know you wont truly leave us.a king among men my friend thats what you are.3 cheers for sudders.xxxxxxxxxxLynn.

Adrian and family....hope all goes as you want it to today.
Tash & the rest of the lushes....raising a glass to our friend anytime is fine by me:-)
Love and light Adrian xxxxX Val

Hi Adrian

Glad to hear that you're feeling more in control of this process. I was sad to read your last post and this one sounds so much more positive. Making decisions for yourself while you still can is really important.

Planning your funerals with your parents is - although a very sad thing - a very positive one too. When my daughter was in ITU with pneumonia last year and we thought she would die one of the things that haunted me was that I had no idea what her wishes were. At least you've given your parents that - allowed them to know exactly what your wishes are so that they can make sure they are fulfilled.

I just hope that you will feel well enough to have those visits from your friends and have the opportunity to say goodbye.

with love and positive thoughts

Angela

How many times have I sat at my desk at work reading your posts while trying not to cry? Well today I cried, big snotty, puffy faced tears.

I am happy I got to have you in my life and me and all the readers of your post got to know what an ispirational person you are.

I wish you and your family love and strength.

I think, my dear, I have witnessed my first legend in you!

Thank you sweetheart.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Adrian,

Words can never measure the impact that you have had on so many. Like many others, I have been captivated by your blog for quite some time. Today I am deeply saddened but incredibly humbled by your fortitude and determination to take control. I wish you much peace. Thank you seems hardly enough but alas the only words I can muster for sharing your journey!

Godspeed friend.
Jamie

Morning Adrian, just checking in to wish you a good morning and hopefully a good day. Waiting for news of my children arriving safely in Thailand and have my nails nicely chewed up to my elbow! I think the idea of Adrian's army keeping in touch is a great idea (if only for holidays in Trinidad!) I hope you realise Adrian the difference you have made to this world. Love to you and your family Chris

Dearest, lovely Adrian,
Tears again, whilst reading all the messages posted since I went to bed last night.
We keep saying this, but you really have touched so many hearts and put so many people in touch.
I am already in touch with Tash, and she is another special person taking on getting people from the blog together even though she keeps taking the mickey about my vision of red hearts floating around you lol :).
Lovely Adrian, today is another milestone for you and your family, speaking to your GP to arrange your care during your last few days.
Each and every care person are going to feel so priviledged to be able to help you on your last journey and I'm sure there will lots of laughter and tears.
Stay happy and peaceful knowing that we are all walking with you on this journey and when you choose to walk through the portal the red hearts will be floating around you and in spirit we will be waving and saying "Si thi later, lad."
Oodles of Love, kisses, hugs and soothing thoughts to you, lovely Adrian, mum and dad, Carrie, your friends and your blog family.
Christine M.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hope today gives you a clearer understanding of whay will be...take each day as it comes - one day at a time.
We all have to work hard to get an end to this horrible disease - all of you who have 'posted' do what you can to raise awreness. For there are many Adrians /Carls (my son died last year) out there who need to find a cure. Our tears are wasted if we do nothing.
God bless you Adrian - this comes with hugs
Sue

Dear Adrian,
I have been reading your blog since march and really wanted to say how brave and strong you are. You are truly an amazing person. I had a bone marrow transplant 10 years ago on 19th august and realise how very lucky I am. You and your family must be living a nightmare but what a wonderful person you really are.

Oh dear you left me in tears again. I hope you, your family, and you friends can take some comfort in all that you have acheived. You will always be remembered for the way you faught and accepted this horrible disease. We have all laughed, cried and ridden this roller coaster with you and for that I thank you. Many people who never even thought about Lukemia and bone marrow donation now know about it and how important it is and thats down to you, be proud. You, your family and your friends are in my thoughts and prayers.Take care Adrien and I hope you enjoy the time you have left.

God bless
Sarah

Adrian
You are truly brave and I hope with all my heart your end will be a painless and peaceful one. To know you will leave this world with a legacy such as yours it something we can all aspire to.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Elaine xxx

I hope you had a peaceful night Adrian, and that the meeting to take control of your final weeks gives you strength.

Enjoy your family and loved ones, you are all very special and I feel honoured to have been given an insight into your life.

Wishing you a pain free day today, and every day!

Lots of love, Alxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Adrian

I have been reading your blog for a while, but haven't posted before as I was not sure what to say. But after reading your post today I realised I just have to say something as you are such an amazing person with so much strength and fight. You are a credit to the human race.

I wish you a peaceful ending to this dreadful disease, my thoughts are with you and your family

Best Wishes
Liz
x

Dearest Adrian,

We are going to miss you SO SO much. It is awesome just how many people you have touched and how many people have just fallen in love with you over the last months. You can leave feeling very proud of yourself.

I talk about you to my friends all the time and they find it quite weird that I speak of you as if I know you and you are a friend of mine, but hey that is how you make us all feel. We are your buddies and so grateful that you have shared so much of your life with us.

I really hope and pray that life becomes peaceful for you now Ade. Well done for being able to make such a tough choice, You must do what is best for You and everyone will support that.

I feel like I am losing a family member and it has hit really hard but it has also taught us all so much by going through this journey with you. You are a fantastic guy, only sad we never met in person but hey ho feel like I know you so well anyway.

Take good care lovely man. We are thinking of you every day and praying for you. Hold that in your heart that even at your lowest ebb there is someone somewhere in this world who is wishing you well and caring for you. What an honour for us and I hope some comfort for you.

Love you dearly (no that's not weird, we just do!!)

Peace and hugs

Michelle.

Today, I was about to have an argument with my sister. I was irritated with my little boy. I was feeling generally down.
Then I had a coffee in a cafe in Didsbury, Manchester, and read The Times article by you.
What an inspiration. How mad it is to argue and spread misery or succumb to irritation when we are well. You made me realise how stupid it is not to grasp the good wherever it is. Straight away, I called my mother. Invited her to lunch.
Yes- I'm sure I will succumb to having arguments over petty things again - but you inspired me with your words. You must have done a huge amount of good in your life. I hope you are peaceful, at ease and without pain.
With great respect,
Neil.

Dear Adrian,

I just read an article about you in the Times which led me to log onto your blog for the first time.

Reading back through your entries over the last few months all I can say is that your strength and frame of mind have blown me away. My boyfriend and I have been talking about donating blood for quite some time, and I know now that there really is no time quite like the present.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish to you all much peace.

Clare

XXX

Adi

Strange how things go, we never thought when you were tracking donated clothes around the world that your biggest journalistic campaign would revolve around your own life. It is not the hand we are dealt but the way we play it which makes us what we are. Through all the tough times you have shown that you are a star.

Just looking at the list of replies to your blog shows the impact you have had on so many peoples lives. I am going to miss your amazing blog, as that has been our main link to you for a while now. You will leave a lot of love behind you.

It has been a pleasure and a privilege to know you.

Mick

Adrian,

Oops sorry, I think I posted my comment before I had finished it! I just wanted to say how much we as a family admire your courage. We are thinking about you.

The Gardiner Family

Hi Adrian,

Like so many others here, this feels like a farewell from a truly amazing friend.

Since seeing your lovely face light up my TV a few weeks back on BBC breakfast, I've been following your journey. As an AML girl, I know many of the things you are going through, but feel a mixed sense of guilt and yes, relief, that I am in remission from this terrible disease.

Anyway, this is about you, not me!

I only wish I'd had the chance to meet with you. A fellow wordsmith who is funny, grounded, compassionate and intelligent in equally huge measure, I'd loved to have shared a pint or two with you (blood, beer, either would do!. I can't give bone marrow or blood for obvious reasons, but there are thousands out there who now will.

Whether you like it or not, you're a hero - and a very handsome one at that!

Sudders, I salute you.

Ali Jacobs

hi Adrian,

My dad has CML and in the early days what upset me the most was thinking about how you actually die from leaukaemia. Its not one of those questions you can ask is it ? Like speaking the unspeakable. So thank you from my heart for this post, it has answered some questions and made me less fearful for the future.
You are truly amazing, wishing you peace and tranquility
Sarah xxx

Hey Adrian,

After reading your blog, (the whole of it, today - rollercoaster of emotions doesn't even come close) I want to let you know I've promised to get donating bits of my bodily stuff here there and everywhere - officially, of course. starting with signing up to the bone marrow donor register.

It's the very least I can do to honour the effort you've been making these past months.

You've worked insanely hard and deserve to rest in the knowledge that you've inspired so many people to make a small change which may save someone's life while we are lucky enough to have the luxury of time.

Apologies for the rambling and surplus adjectives. You are incredibly brave.

Becky x

Dear Adrian:

Every since your last post I have been thinking about you so much (more than usual). It is quality of life, not quantity and I am glad you have made the decision that is right for you. I just want you to be as comfortable as possible. I dedicated my yoga practice to you this weekend, just hoping you would feel some comfort that I sent out there.

You have done so much, affected so many lives (more than you know). You have changed my outlook on life, I'm on the bone marrow registry here in the U.S. and you have taught me a lot about dignity, grace, and selflesness.

Rest well. You are a hero. A great writer and I wish I could have met you in person.

Thank you for all that you have shared, all that you have taught and all that you have written.

You will always be in my thoughts. Sending you peace and comfort. Sending thoughts to your family for strength as well.

I'm really crying as I write this, I wish I could write better and convey my thoughts in a better way. I will end this way for now.

Thank you.

--Caitlin
Denver, CO USA

Hi Adrian,

I've read your blog for the last year now and wanted to thankyou for being truely inspirational to me.
Because of the troubles you've gone to in sharing your experience so many people (myself included) have benifited.
I thought to myself the other day when it ends what will i remember and I can tell you the answer is not a chap called Adrian who died of cancer but instead an intelligent and brilliant young man who made a lasting difference
, a man who inspired me with his courage, selflessness and determination.

I hope you find the peace you deserve in your time left, my thoughts are with you and yours.

Thankyou Sir.

Dave

Thanks for sharing so much with us. Dying is nothing but an adventure and you, Adrian, will conquer this one with style.

Yesterday I saw a man with a beanie just like yours. That sight kind of made me freeze for a minute. I live in a different continent and know I'll never get to see you in person. But they thought that one day you'll be even further than our current distance was slightly sad.

Weird hey? This blog is in my top two (sorry, I have this group of writer friends who would kill me if I demoted them from the top). I guess I'll just have to incorporate some of you into my life, in order to keep the dust away.

As your door closes - sudders - you have opened quite a few for others.
I wish you all the best for the last leg of your remarkable journey.

Adrian,

Well, we all knew this post would come. It isn't a surprise yet it takes your breath away to read.

You will be missed by so many people around the World. I am very happy for you though that this suffering will soon be over. As much as none of us want to let you go we also don't want you to suffer.

Thank you so much for all of your posts, for taking us along on your journey. It has truly been a life altering experience. You will be with me always.

So Adrian my dear go fly with the angels and we will all take comfort in knowing you are at peace watching over us all.

Much love to you and your family. Peace be with you. -Tela

It's so difficult to know what to write, you're a real champion to me, I'm very humbled everyday when I read the blog. My warmest wishes to you and a big Scottish hug.
Lorrs x

Adrian, i dont think i have ever known anyone who is so caring. All through this awful time for you, you have worried about others.

Its time to think about you now.

Like all I will miss you.

Jill

x

Dear Adrian,

I have not seen your blog before reading your article in todays Times 2 newspaper.
I am not sure what to write, but feel I must.
My best friend passed away from luekemia a few months ago, and she may not have done if she had had a bone marrow transplant in time.
I feel your petition to Downing Street is so vital, and should have been done years ago.
I am someone who has always given blood, but until I knew someone with luekemia had never considered giving bone marrow. However, after my friends story and now yours I am seriously researching it - so for that I would like to say thank you Adrian.

Best wishes
Kay x

You are a beautiful spirit and a beautiful soul. I pray that you have peace and comfort, if not on this Earth, then certainly for eternity. May God bless you and keep you. And I'm so glad you're not gone yet.

Dear Adrian

I just wanted to offer you my Love & Peace at this time.

Thank you for all your hard work on the Bone Marrow Campaign.

Take care

Dave

Dear Adrian,

In reading your blog I feel I have gotten to know you as a friend.

And so it is in reading this post that I feel grief, yet amazement at your bravery to take control of your future.

Thank you for letting all of us get to know you.

Hannah
USA

As a haematology/oncology nurse I am impressed by your and your family and friends courage and spirit. I hope to use some of your blogs to describe to my students the nature of AML. Take care x

Adrian. How presumptuous of me to call you by your first name. We have not met. Sadly we will not meet and yet your blog has brought you into my life and that of my children and we feel, somewhat arrogantly perhaps, that we know a little of you and so we write today. Wanted to write before, could not ever seem to find the words. Indeed I feel and know that I cannot find them now. Somehow you always do find the words. Your blog has been instructive and inspiring. I want you to change your decision and fight on and yet I know you will not. I understand, or like to think that I do and respect your decision. Go peacefully. Enjoy each day. Welcome the sunshine and the breeze on your face. Walk in the rain. Kiss and hug those closest to you. Know that there are many many people thinking of you and caring about you. Be proud of all that you have achieved, you are a good man. A brave man. A gentle man. It has been a privilege to share your journey. May the end be peaceful. We send you our thoughts and our prayers and our love.
Gina Tom and Jack

Adrian,

So many people waste their life or squander opportunities. You have chosen a different path, and the legacy you will leave behind will serve as an inspiration to others for many years to come. Your campaign will be a success, your efforts will change lives. A fitting tribute to your remarkable achievements.

I hope your final days are as peaceful and pain free as possible, for you deserve nothing less. My very best wishes to you and your family.

it is a sad post Adrian ....and my prayer for you is that your final journey will be peaceful.

Sue x

Oh Adrian, what a truly sad post to read.

I'm sure you will receive many wishes and comments from your readers, I just hope you get chance to read them, and to absorb the love and admiration these people clearly have for you, to help sooth your final moments.

I am sure many will agree when I say reading your story has changed my life. I have been encouraging my sisters who are both teachers to try and find out more about educating the kids in their schools on a voluntary basis about the issues raised by your campaign.

Personally, I'm not going to read any more, because I don't want to know that you've gone. I want you and your story to stay with me to remind me that the trial and tribulations I go through are really nothing.

You have a beautiful soul, and have inspired many, and I wish you the most peaceful of journeys to wherever you go next.

with love

Pennie xx

I am very sad Adrian.

Adrian,

I think you are magnificent and your blog inspires me. Although we have never met, I have followed your blog for a little while now.

May God take you in his arms and cradle you and give you strength into your next journey.

Debi Cassetta
Boynton Beach, FL USA

Hi Adrian

Really upset to hear that you are where you are I know it is inevitable but that still makes it no easier to bear. You have shown a courage much larger than your years and you are a shining example of how resilient the human race can be and that you have kept your humour and positivity throughout is quite amazing. Some people live long miserable lonely lives, yours has been taken away from you before it had really even started but you must get some comfort from the fact that you have been happy and loved. I hope you will not have to suffer and I am sure you will be given all the help possible to make this as easy as it can be, be proud of yourself and try not to let frustrations make this any harder for you.

Jxxx

I'm so sad to hear this Adrian. I don't know what else to say.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wonderful family and friends.

May your passing be gentle my love,

God bless

Sam
x

Hi Adrian
I read the page in The Times today and was instantly moved. More than that it struck a chord. Six years ago I was diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma and in 2004 and was lucky enough to have a stem cell transplant. As far as the cancer goes I am in remission but I have suffered badly from GVHD so know what you went through. The transplant period was a grim period and if I relapse I think I would do the same as you. I couldn't bear the thought of doing it all over again. Lots of people say I have been brave - but it really isn't about bravery. Brave people decide to jump - I was pushed all the way and it has been hard. But you are being brave in knowing when enough is enough and it is great that you are surrounded by peopole who respect this. I don't know you but my thought are with you and your family. Take care.

Mary-Anne
Nettlebed, Henley on Thames, UK

Adrian,

You have made such a difference - most of us will never do what you have done and in such a short space of time.

Your legacy will live on - others will have chances they would otherwise not have had. Be proud.

Love to you and your family and friends.

Elaine

Sending you my love and thinking of you. xxxx

Adrian I found your blog thru Diary of a CF Husband blog about a week ago.

You are beautiful!
I wish you peace.

Adrian,
We don't know eachother, but I have just read your article in the London Times and felt that I had to find out more. Then after finding out more, I felt compelled to write.
(Thank G-d for the internet!)
Your courage, strength and dignity at such a difficult time is truly amazing - you are a unique individual.
Your ability to "tell it like it is" will no-doubt raise awareness to yours and so many others' causes - I for one am more aware than I was before reading your article/blog.
You are an inspiration to us all.
Thank you.
Jonathan
New York City

Hi Adrian,
Just to say I hope that you have had a happy, peaceful and positive day.
I see that the 'Sudders Effect' has worked its magic again - an article in the Times and more people find themselves hooked on you and your blog - fantastic!!
Sleep well Adrian and I will check on how you are in the morning.
Love, kisses, hugs and soothing thoughts to you lovely Adrian, mum and dad, Carrie, your friends and your blog friends.
Christine M.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Adrian, you are amazing and your legacy will live on. You have accomplished more in your short life than most people do in an entire lifetime. You should be proud of the work you have done and the amazing things you have inspired in others - particularly me. You and my own cancer have inspired me to be someone I never thought I would and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You have moved and inspired so many people around the world. I can only imagine what it is like to actually know - you are amazing!! May your God take you peacefully from this earth and let you begin to your next great adventure - either as an angel in heaven or as another amzing human being on earth!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lucia

x Saying my prayers for you and thinking what you've achieved is awesome x

Dearest Adrian, we all knew this time would come for you, some in denial, some hoping and preying.
I have never come across such a person who life has been read like an open book untill i started reading your blog's. I first heard about you on my local news and from then on have followed your blog's not always replying but always keen to find how you are and what you are up to.
I hope you are proud of your achievements and all that you have done. You can leave this world knowing you did all you could making others aware.
You are a very selfless man and a true inspiration to many many others in life and beyond.

Death is my worst fear and i hope that i too can face that time like you have, dignity, courage and surounded with a loving family and friends.
I shall miss the laughs and the tears you have given us.
My only wish is that you have a pain free passing.
When you get to heaven i know you will be given your wings.
A true angel and a true inspiration.

With Luv and blessings.XxXxXxXxX

Nikki.
West Midlands

Adrian

I was just looking through Times on line and spotted an article about you which I read. I then went to sign the petition, sorry, I was too late. I was captivated so I headed to your blog which I have just finished reading and what a read...I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Your positive approach and acceptance of your desperately sad situation is truly humbling, you are an incredible man. I am sure you are aware that you are a very, very special person, who has touched the hearts of many people way and beyond your circle of family and friends. I think you may have changed my life too in a positive way and for that will always be forever grateful. I wish I could do something practical to help you but this obviously isn't possible but I will support your campaign and it is a wonderful legacy to leave. I am going to keep your blog on my computer and I won't forget you, you have touched my heart. I am thinking of you, and your family and friends, and sending lots of love and positive thoughts to you all. In my thoughts. With love Hilary, Scotland

Well what can we say to that. You have been so brave by tackling bone marrow donation head on. You have educated so many people in such a short time this will benefit others.
We should all sit up and take heed of your courage & follow your lead in helping others, the world be a much better place. But now you have come to the crossroads in your life....
You are now in control. you will have peace and dignity with your family. Everyones thoughts are with you and close family & friends.
love Claire xxx

You don't know me, I'm just a blog visitor, but I'm comming out of lurkdom today to say that you are in my thoughts Adrian. I don't know what else to say, except that I am so sorry for all your suffering. So so sad. You deserve to at least be at peace and pain free.
Your handsome smiling face is etched into my memory, you are a special bloke.
Jennette in Melbourne, Australia

Adrian a friend has just sent me your web address. Even though we have never met I am sitting in my office crying at the moment. What a wonderful and brave person you are. God bless you.

I fully support your petition on the pm's web and hope this dream is realised. Two years ago I was a bone marrow match for a chap that lives in the Chech Republic. I was delighted to hear recently that he is 100% cured. I just wish I could have done the same for you.

Hi Adrian

Like the majority of people posting on here, I don't know you, but I sure wish I did. Although I have to say that I feel like I do from reading your blogs.

It's fantastic that you have so many people posting on here from a far as America. What an amazing achievement to have touched so many people in the world, but I'm so sorry that it had to happen in these circumstances.

You truly are an inspiration to all. You have continued your hard work for the sake of others, even when you were feeling at your lowest, and have shared your most personal feelings with us, when others would have buckled under the pressure.

I am saddened by your recent post, but understand your reasons for what you have chosen to do. I was only saying to my husband the other day how awful it must be to know that you're going, but not knowing when, especially when you're going through so much from one day to the next.

If miracles can happen, I hope one happens for you. I do hope and pray for you, and as we have our daughter christened in church this Sunday, I will say a prayer for you there too.

I know you're up front about what you're going through, so I hope you don't mind me being the same; I wish you all the best in the next few weeks. I know it will be the hardest of all your battles, but you will be looked after, and by the sounds of it, there will be no shortage of people around you that love you dearly.

Bless you for making such a courageous decision, for fighting your illness like a true fighter, and for making a difference for future generations. I think you're amazing.

With all my love and best wishes,
Anthea

just read this post and don't know what to say except thanks for the honesty, telling it like it is.

Is there anyway this blog can be turned into a book? the reason I ask that is because my mum doesn't have a computer but she would read a book and maybe it would raise money and continue the campaign to raise awareness.

not really sure how to end this comment except to say "Tarra"
Jo

Hi Adrien,

I hope your day is going ok.I have been following your media campaign but today is the first day I have been brave enough to read your blog. I am truly overwhelmed by your honesty and courage.

My 1 year old grandson Noah was diagnosed with luekaemia at just 14 weeks old. Noah is currently in Sheffield childrens hospital recovering from a cord blood transplant. Your campaign inspired me to contact our local news paper the Spenborough Guardian and ask them to run a story on Noah's illness. My aim like yours has been was to raise awareness for the need of bone marrow and cord blood donors. The paper ran the article last week and subsequently the Anthony Nolan trust has been in touch with the paper as they want to use Noah as a case study for the launch of their Cord Blood Bank. Hopefully like your blog Noah's story will help make a difference.

Thankyou for giving me the inspiration.

I will be thinking about you and your family as you are reaching the end of your journey together.My admiration for you will stay in my heart forever.

Kind regards,

Kim

Dear Adrian,
I have not posted before but have been reading your story with increasing admiration. I am humbled by what you have achieved against the odds and so sorry for what you have had to endure. I helped a dear and close friend through the last stages of cancer. She was just a few years older than you. Her doctors and the McMillan nurses were wonderful and made sure she had a peaceful and pain free exit. I am sure nobody will allow you to suffer. I wish you peace and absence from pain. The world will be the poorer for not having you in it but richer for what you have done. With much love.

Adrian,
My heart just aches for you and your family. I watched my sister make the same decision you are making now. She was at peace with letting go. After all, she had a 6 month old son waiting for her in heaven. I think about you every day and pray for your comfort and peace.
Brandi

Hi, I just wanted to say how inspirational I think you are and thanks to you I will be becoming a bone marrow doner. I have followed you through you're blog and on Calender. I just think that you are so brave and the world would be a much better place with more people like you.

Best wishes and my thoughts are with you,
April

x

Hi Aidy!

Ive not wrote on your Blog before so thought it a good time to just say a few things. It seems an ever growing trait in todays celebrity obsessed society to always look to 'famous' people or those in the lime light whether it be in sport or a tv personality for inspiration or motivation but sometimes that can be found a lot closer to home. 'Heroes' aren't always that far away. With that in mind I wanted to say it has been a privilege to have met you and known you!!! Im sure you have been an inspiration to your friends, family and now people from further a field.

I wish you and all your loved ones all the best and my thoughts are very much with you and your family.

You'll Never Walk Alone,

Rob

Adrian,

You have a great support system around you both in person and through this blog.

Facing your ultimate demise and taking it all in stride is very admirable.

I don't know about other people who may read this blog or even post their thoughts... I have become more appreciative of all that surrounds me. Including that of good health.

I wish that other 'healthy' people that seemingly throw their lives in the gutter could learn from you. You come across as someone who still has a lot to achieve yet whose time is limited.

You, my friend, have done a lot more in these last few years since your diagnosis than most accomplish in their entire life. That says a lot about your character.

I am grateful to have been able to learn about you. I will continue reading and posting as long as this blog exists.

In reading this post, I admit that it made me sad but also appreciative that you are able to share your final planning with your parents. As difficult as that task may have been, I am sure they are very proud of you.

You have suffered through a lot since your diagnosis and turned it into awareness. I don't know what else to say but I wish you the best, most peaceful ending possible.

Agape,

Kimberly Parr
Cincinnati, Ohio
USA

Dear Adrian,

You've been unbelievably brave, an inspiration to all of us.

Wishing you peace and happiness in the time you have left.

Mike.

Hi Adrian
You are in my thoughts so so much and I can't stop crying. God I'm such a girlie and I'm sorry I never met you.I hope and pray you are comfortable and not suffering. My Garry just slept more and more and more towards the end with his leukaemia and he just slipped away from me - I hope it will be peaceful like that for you.
Give your mum and dad and family loads of hugs.
Sending you tons of love, you're a star!

Jane xx

Dear Adrian

I've only just heard about you since reading your brilliant article in the Times the other day. Now I've spent hours reading the blog. Thank you SO much for everything you have shared with all of us out here - all the advice, thoughts, feelings and everything that you have written, it is truly inspirational. I only hope and pray that if I or any of my loved ones ever have to go through something like this that we will be able to be as brave and as inspirational as you are - though I doubt it, speaking for myself. I guess the old saying that you never know what you have the strength for until you have to go through it, still holds. You sound like you have immense strength of character. I feel like I know you, which is ridiculous because last week I hadn't heard of you, but your blog is so honest and direct, and you have allowed so many of us to take a glimpse of what you are going through and to take inspiration from it all.
Thank you for all the info about the bone marrow register - another thing I didn't know anything about last week - I'll certainly be looking into that and I will tell everyone I know about it. You and all your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
love and prayers
Philippa

Adrian,

Following your story was sometimes heart wrenching but always inspiring. It amazes me how much energy and optimism you have despite everything that has happened to you. You accomplished so much and have done so much good in the world! I wish I had half that.

I'm glad you're surrounded by great friends and family. I wish you didn't have to leave us but please know that you will forever remain a true hero for everyone involved in the world of marrow transplant. Thank you so much.

Smooth sailing.

Kamila Triplett
Minneapolis, MN

Adrian,

I have been reading your blog for a while. This is my first time posting. It was very heartbreaking reading this post as I think we all hoped somehow you would beat this. Tears just poured down my face while I read. I wish you never had to go through this but because of you, the importance of bone marrow has been brought to light and hopefully more people will donate bone marrow. For those of us who you have touched by your blog - you will remain with us forever in our hearts. I still don't understand why good people go through these kinds of things when they don't deserve it. I think you are one of Gods angels. This was your purpose and now he's saying it's time to come home. With all my respect and love, may you find peace.
~Kelly
Florida, USA

Adrian,
What can any of us say after reading this post? It is truly sad, but are also extremely lucky. Not everyone gets to choose how they go and has the opportunity to say goodbye. You came to terms with your fate a while ago and none of us can truly understand that, we can only offer our love and support. And that is what I offer. May whatever time you have left be filled with friendship and love.
Amanda ~ Ontario, Canada

This is for Adrian's Mum - you are going to be a member of a club that no woman ever wants to join. I had the privilege of having been present for my son Rob's first breath and also his last. I imagine that you feel, as I do, that the greatest achievement in your life will have been to help your son through this journey.
Adrian - don't fear the end, if love can ease you through then there is a tidal flow to help you. God bless x

Adrian,
Dont have so many word to say but I want you to know that although I dont even know you, I am hoping with all my might that the end will be peaceful for you.
All my Love xx

Hi Adrian,

It breaks my heart to read this, but it sounds like you have found peace. You are always in my thoughts and I wish you nothing but love and comfort during this time. Thanks for being a true inspiration to me and many others.

Hugs,

Anne
San Francisco, CA

Adrian

It is so sad to read that the end of your life is approaching, too fast. However you will be remembered for long after you have departed this earth. And I WILL carry on the fight for your campaign here in Leicestershire.

You are someone so special and I am sure that gift you have will continue to shine.

Love to you your family and friends.

Amanda

Hi Adrian,

I'm normally a lurker not a commenter - but it seemed too strange not to tell you how much your blog has affected me when you have let us all so unconditionally in on your life.

I literally read your whole blog in two days after seeing the article on times online(thanks for the respite from the usual employment focussed slog behind my computer).

Its strange that this week has become a time of reflection and I'm happy to say that I've finally come round to making those all important life decisions that one tends to put off until 'tomorrow'. Should they all work out or even not, I absolutely owe my gratitude to you for showing that courage and dignity will see me through whatever the outcome.

You have obviously touched so many lives and left a legacy that your family and friends will undoubtedly be proud of.

I will certainly be rallying donorship amongst my friends and hope that one day someone can benefit from that and everyone will know its because of your drive for awareness and selfless compassion for others.

My thoughts are with you - I hope you're at peace - you're an absolute legend. Love to you and yours.

Lisa

You are a true inspiration Adrian and I say that with the uttmost sincerity and admiration. I have been glued to your blog for the past hour and admire your strength, courage and bravery. Your positive attitude to illness is truly remarkable.

I signed up to the Anthony Nolan Trust some years ago but before reading your blog, I didn't really know much about Leukemia. Thank you for teaching me.

Amy x

Hi Adrian

I've been waiting for a post like this one, but also hoping naively it wouldn't come. However in some ways I was happy to read what you have done. Like so much of the last few months, you have taken control and doing what you want and what is right for you, not letting that f*cking leukaemia dictate everything. You now know what is likely to happen and the timescale and so maybe can at least stop worrying about each infection and wondering 'is this it?'

I'm going to my consultant tomorrow for check up bone marrow results. I won't pretend that reading this has cheered me up! However should I ever get the worst of news, you have confirmed to me how I would try and face it. Do as much as you can with your time and take back some of the control that the illness has on you. You've been an inspiration in life these last few months, I will get involved in awareness raising now because of you.

My very best wishes to you and your family. I'm not religious, but feel that death is synonymous with peace. I hope for that, for you, your family and friends.

I will do all I can to make the Sheffield ceremony.

Allon

P.S. If you have read my previous posts, you are probably aware of my deeply inappropriate sense of humour. I have made it clear to my loved ones, that should they ever have to organise my funeral, I want my coffin to head off to the crematorium flames with The Crazy World of Arthur Brown classic 'Fire'...

Adrian

I have spent the last couple of days trying to think of something appropriate to say to you but there are no words that could ever be enough. However, I do feel absolutely compelled to post a message - apologies - I know it won't say everything I want it to.

I echo all the sentiments expressed in the other posts. You have been so brave and have handled your illness with such dignity and grace - you are a complete inspiration to all. My heart just breaks for you and as I writing this I just can't stop the tears from flowing.

I have been completely hooked by your blog since I saw you on channel 5. I think this is because you just have an amazing ability to connect with people on all sorts of levels - we never know when logging on if we are going to be laughing or crying - you are a truly gifted journalist.

I also think that your story resonates so stongly with me because I was at Liverpool Uni at the same time as you. Some of my good friends were in halls with you and rave about what a great bloke you are (btw I loved the dessert disk choices of Chesney and Queen a la the Raz/Time Tunnel/Double Vision. When you hear those tunes it just takes you right back there doesn't it!?)

You have achieved so much and you should be so so proud of yourself.

All that remains is to say is Mwah!! (and just in case you don't realise that is me giving you a huge kiss over cyber space). I wish you peace and happiness in the coming days and feel priviledged to have "known you".

You are a very special person.

xxxxx

Hi Adrian,
I don't even know you but I have been tuning into your blog for awhile now.

Is it weird for me to tell you that I love you? Because I do, and I've been feeling that way, and it would be sad to not say it. Us silly humans hold back too much.

Anyway, you have touched my heart and I will never forget you. What an amazing thing you have done with writing this blog and it reached people like me - WAY over in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

I am just aching inside thinking that such a magnificent human being is having to deal with such a situation. I wish we could do something to keep you around. I will DEEPLY miss reading your posts. Please, if you can, become a spirit who can channel messages through someone and get them to keep posting on your blog. You're that great. Shine bright.

Many Blessings to you,
~Monica Erdei

Adrian, I don't know you personally but all I have to say is, I love you with all my heart. When you do eventually fall asleep, do so with a smile on your face because you've LIVED so brilliantly. The light which burns twice as bright lasts half as long.

With absolute love, admiration, affection, inspiration, sadness, heartbreak, tears, elation, and peace all at once,

Jonathan
San Diego

Hello darling Adrian,

I am sure you know this already, but I wanted to say again what a privilege it has been to read your posts and to have you sharing your experience with us. What an honour to know you in this way.

We love you, you brave, funny, bright light.

xxx

Adrian,

Reading your blog I think I actually felt my heart break but I am glad you are feeling more in control.
I thank my lucky stars every day that I have had the privilege of 'knowing' you. You have changed my life in ways I never thought possible. You are the most inspirational, beautiful, bravest and talented person I have ever come across and I will never forget you. Any friends I meet or children I have in the future will also know all about you - I'll make sure of it. If I manage to be half the person or the journalist you are I will be very lucky indeed.
I wish you and your family peace.

Laura,
Ireland

My first post, but i have followed your blog and watched you on our local tv station. I'm sorry you have to fight this terrible battle, but take pride and comfort from the fact you and your legacy WILL help to save lives in the future. I and my husband are going to sign up to be bone marrow donors. God speed, love and light Adrian. XX

Oh my God where do I begin this. I guess I have been following your story for about 4 months now, and I guess as everyone has, I just keep thinking a miracle will come. This post from you was everything you said it was. Very very difficult to read, heartbreaking-ly sad, (if that's a word!lol) but it was extremely positive. I totally understand the need to retain control, or is it re-gain control. (ironically as I write this, Brianstorm has just come on the radio - how odd!)
I cannot imagine the emotional pain you and your family are going through Adrian, really I cannot, if I am honest, I don't want to either. I know that makes me sound incredibly selfish, but I don't want to know that kind of pain personally.
If you take out of the equation your family and close friends, you must remember you have many thousands of "blogettes" here that are all sitting tuning into this blog day in and day out, loving the fact that you are so fantastically brave, and we are all waiting, wishing and hoping for a miracle to happen. We know it's not going to happen, and we know that one day we are going to lose you. BUT, you have to know that we all will do everything we possibly can to keep your memory alive and your campaign will be taken to every corner of every country we possibly can.
I have today heard from Nigel Gorvett at the ANT and I am very eager to get things moving with the bone marrow donation drive here that I have mentioned before. As soon as school goes back, I will complete the risk assessments and try and get a date scheduled asap. We will not let this drop Adrian. We will NOT let this go. We all HATE the thought od having to let you go, so there is no way we will let this go.
Take care of yourself and remember, we are all with you in our hearts and mind.
As always, much love and loads of cyber hugs to you and your parents and carrie.
big kisses
Tina XXXX

So many never get the chance to say goodbye and I thank whoever is up there that you have. I hope your passing to the next journey is peaceful with your loved ones around you.
You are a star and no matter what happens you will always be shining x

Dear Adrian

I'm so sorry to hear your news. But you are doing the right thing in deciding to live your life your way right until the end. Not many of us get the chance to make that decision, and you are being incredibly brave about it.

I wish you a peaceful passing, whatever your beliefs, and the very best to your loving family also.

In the end, we all come to the end, no matter how much we pretend to ourselves, and you're an example to all of us of how to live well, make a difference and die well.

The very best, friend.

Trish :)

Dear Adrian

I have been following your blog since you hit the headlines a few months ago and I am so so sad for you and what you have gone through/are going through.

You are so brave, and this world will be a worse place without you. Why is life so unfair sometimes? You had so much to look forward to and yet this world is full of destruction and people with no respect for humanity. You didn't deserve this.

I hope the final weeks are well managed for you pain wise and that the end is a peaceful one. You are very very brave.

Alison xxx

Hi Adrian,
I'm a friend of Sian, Toby and Gav and you might remember my husband Declan - I think he played footie with you on a couple of occasions at Uni. They told me about your blog and since then I have visited the site regularly to see how you're doing.

I've wanted to leave a message for a while but was unsure of what to write. I think what you have achieved since being diagnosed is incredible. You've faced your illness with humour and grace, and it's been fascinating and so, so moving to read the blog. It shows what an immensely talented journalist you are, as well as being a thoroughly good bloke. You've touched the lives of so many people and left a wonderful legacy through your campaign.

I wish you all the strength and peace you'll need over the next few weeks. I have been thinking of you and your family a lot and hope that you remain as comfortable and happy as possible.

Take care
Lucy x

Dear Adrian

I've wanted to post a comment for a while but not being the most articulate of people I've shyed away (I think that last bit was grammatically flawed).

However your latest post has touched me greatly and I just wanted to echo all the comments that have gone before. You are a true inspiration. Honest, courageous and despite what you face incredibly good humoured.

My thoughts are with you and your family. You are all quite incredible and taught me and I'm sure many others some very important lessons (not just about being a bone marrow donor).

I hope the next few weeks are filled with special times with friends & family and not stomach cramps and such.

I'm sure you already know this but you're truly one of a kind and very special.

Claire

Dear Adrian,
Thank you so so so much for all that you do.

You have touched so many people, so many lives, through your words, your actions and for just being you.

I admire your commitment and want to thank you. Your life is a blessing to us all. Thank you for inspiring us.

Dani
Toronto, Canada

Dear Adrian, You have touched my heart throughout your ordeal like no one else has. My wish for you is that you find peace and love with your family and friends in the final days and weeks ahead. You are a very brave and special person and I feel sad that you will be leaving us but thank you for your honesty, good humour and inspiration to us all. I will never forget you. You are such a special human being. I wish you a peaceful passing surround ed by loved ones. I will pray for you. Love always xxx

Adrian,
I've been following your blog for weeks now & I just wanted to say, well what can I say. Just that you sound like a fantastic bloke, your parents and family must be incredibly proud of you. You have touched the lives of so many people. My thoughts are with you.

Julia x

Adrian,

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are truly amazing, and your accomplishments, honesty, and spirit have given so many a new perspective on life. While most of your blog fans have never had the priveldge of meeting you face-to-face, you have become and will remain a very real part of our lives/thoughts.
Thank you for providing a glimpse of what a truly wonderful human being can be! I am happy you were able to make your own path, and I laughed out loud thru tears that you bet your Dr. The Humorous man shall end his part in peace =0)

We'll definitely miss you!

Wishing you love, laughs and warm hugs
x0x0x0x

Mr. Sunshine,
Thank you for all of you - for all that you are....For thinking of others and preparing to leave a legacy for all of us to cherish. You are an indomitable spirit and I thank you for an example in which to live life by.

Indomitable - incapable of being subdued...you embody this to the fullest!

I will send out the happy waves into the universe for Monday's meeting for you as well as for your family and friends. Take care and never waiver from the wonderfully bright, amazing, articulate,brilliant person that you are!

Cheryl

Mr. Sunshine,
Thank you for all of you - for all that you are....For thinking of others and preparing to leave a legacy for all of us to cherish. You are an indomitable spirit and I thank you for an example in which to live life by.

Indomitable - incapable of being subdued...you embody this to the fullest!

I will send out the happy waves into the universe for Monday's meeting for you as well as for your family and friends. Take care and never waiver from the wonderfully bright, amazing, articulate,brilliant person that you are!

Cheryl

Adrian,

I lost my best friend last October, and think about her all the time. I was there when she passed, and at that moment I knew my love for her would transcend time. Your love for your family/friends and their love for you will transcend time. What you have accomplished will live on forever.
Your posts have meant more to me than words can say.

All my love,
K.D.
Salt Lake City, UT

Dear Adrian,

I have read and written on ur blog before. Again, u have left me in tears. But yet I find it so amazing that u are able to know exactly how, around when, and why u are going up to Heaven early. I must admit, I wouldn't probably be able to plan or do anything, let alone my own funerals, but its quite wonderful that u are able to do so.

Adrian, U WERE PUT HERE TO DO A MISSION, HOWEVER DUE TO YOUR STRONG-WILL, INTELLIGENCE, LOVE FOR LIFE AND PEOPLE, DETERMINATION, STRENGTH, FAITH, HOPE, ETC U COMPLETED UR MISSION EARLY [too fast] AND THEREFORE GOD WANTS U BACK BY HIS SIDE TO GIVE U MORE.

DON'T THINK OF THIS AS THE END, THINK OF IT AS A CONTINUATION [next stage] THAT U REACHED SOONER THAN US LEFT HERE ON EARTH.

MUCH LOVE AND U ARE A PURE HERO, A HERO THAT GOD PURPOSELY CREATED, NOT THE DISEASE.

xo i want some of ur strength xo,
Carina
Portugal/ USA

Adrian,
Although I never met you, I wanted you to know how inspiring your words and your actions, and your entire life have been! You have accomplished more in your few years here on earth, than most people ever will in their liefteimes. You have truly made a difference in this world, and inspired so many others to do so as well. I wish you a peaceful and restful transition to the everlasting life. You are a true angel!
God Bless,
Sue
Massachusetts, USA

I just wanted to say thank you for all your courage that you have shared. When the time comes, you will be missed. You are an inspiration to many. This world will lose a great person, but the next world will gain someone bigger than life. Someday we will meet on the other side and it will be an honor.

Bill L.

Hi Adrian,

Like a lot of people, I've been following your blog for weeks. This year I had my first experience of losing a loved one. It sucks.
It made me realise that we need to appreciate each day as it comes and not take anything for granted, because it's a strange life.

Thank you so much for baring all (not literally) to thousands of people.
Like Wet Wet Wet, I think that 'love' is an abstract entity that's all around us, and persists, even after death.

Like another poster, the one thing I remembered from GCSE Physics is that energy can't be created or destroyed, only changed. So I look forward to shaking your 'abstract' hand and buying a pint for you in wherever it is that we all end up in. (If Carlsberg made heavens...)

I really hope the next weeks are as pain free and restful as possible. x

Hi
I hope you can feel all the love all
around you,for all your young years,
you are so wise,and a very beautiful
person for all you work you will leave
hope for other people to live on,
I will be thinking of you.

love marian (maz) xxxxxxx

We've not heard from you for a few days Adrian. I hope that you're bearing up.

I've followed your blog for a month or so now and not left a message of my own before. I thought that my feelings about what you'd written were irrelevant. But reading your latest posts and knowing that time is passing has made me realise that I owe it to you to add my voice to the many on these pages.

You've done a great thing here Adrian.

There's a famous saying that we're not defined by what happens to us - but rather by the way in which we react to it.

You sound like a nice, ordinary guy who developed cancer. Dreadfully cruel luck. But look at your reaction to it - you've used the skills and talents that you've developed in your short life to raise awareness and understanding of leukaemia and then to try to improve the chances of people with leukaemia in the future. You are defined by that - not by your illness. You're a powerful and important man and what you've done will have an impact long after we're all gone.

Thank you so much for reacting as you did and for doing it in this public way that we've all been able to share.

I wish you peace Adrian and I wish your family and friends all the strength and courage they will need to live without you.

With luch love and thanks

Daisy

Hugs to you,,and mom & dad... and liam this has to be hard for you too,,,,,,,,,hugs you are doing great.......Adrian,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,all i can say at this point,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Is Bravo,,,,,,,,, you are one inspiration to all........Good Bless you ,and your family,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Deb,Usa

Adrian -

I stumbled upon your blog and think you are one of the most beautiful and amazing human beings i have ever had the pleasure of remotely knowing. I lost my father to lung cancer 4 years ago and to hear someone's story from your point of view is completely inspirational. I wish you only the best and you will be in my thoughts always.

Samantha

As long there is life there is hope...

Adrian, Like all the others I am quite devastated that your miracle hasn't happened although I know we have all been hoping that you would wake up and feel better.

I am just so glad that you have had the chance to tie up loose ends.So many people never get that chance and it must be of some comfort to you and your family.

Your blog has made so many people aware of this dreadfull illness and I hope your campaign to raise awareness of bone marrow donation will continue in your name.

You are much admired and loved by so many and we will all miss you so much.
I will be thinking of you and hope that you just fall into a deep sleep and drift off with the knowledge that you touched the lives of thousands.Your parents and family must all be so proud of you.

There are so many words in the english language but I am really lost as you sum up some of the most creative of them and I could be here all night listing all of them that make you the person that you are.I can only say you made us proud my lovely ....
sleep well, with love,
Tracey & family.

Writing all the way from MN, USA. Found your blog somehow a month or so ago. I find you an inspiration, your strength and spirit is amazing. From someone who has never met you, my heart breaks and I am praying for you and thinking of you and mostly wishing you peace and love.

Hi Adrian,
Where will we find such inspiration in the future. Your courage is amazing and humbling to those of us who just sit and read it. I wish you all God's gentle help in the rest of your precious journey. Big love to you and your parents. XXXX

Hi Adrian - As a follow up to the 5live phone in last month
We will be taking the issue (of introducing the tutorial talk about blood / organ donation to all 16 - 18 s at FE colleges) to our student council in the new academic year.
I will be liaising with our student union president and asking him to take this to the National FE Colleges student union conference
It will happen!!
Thinking of you - a true star
All the very best
Jan Jordan and family
Chichester College

It will soon be time for you to go but you will leave so much love and hope. Set your sail straight. Peaceful journey man.

adrian i have never posted on here before but have read your journal from day one ,i have been living a nightmare for the past 2 years as my dad has cancer which has spread everywhere ,he is now nearing the end ,i must say your courage and braveness is absolutely amazing , ,your close family must be so proud of you ,life isnt about how long you spend here its about how many lives you touch along the way and you have touched the hearts of so many people of all ages there is not many people out there that can say they have brought tears to complete strangers eyes but you have brought them to mine ,love to you and your family i am thinking of you xxxx

adrian i have never posted on here before but have read your journal from day one ,i have been living a nightmare for the past 2 years as my dad has cancer which has spread everywhere ,he is now nearing the end ,i must say your courage and braveness is absolutely amazing , ,your close family must be so proud of you ,life isnt about how long you spend here its about how many lives you touch along the way and you have touched the hearts of so many people of all ages there is not many people out there that can say they have brought tears to complete strangers eyes but you have brought them to mine ,love to you and your family i am thinking of you xxxx

adrian you are an inspiration to so many theres not many out there that can say they have brought a stranger to tears but you can ,your parents must be so proud of all youve done,i have read your blog from day one ,my father has cancer and we have lived this nightmare for 2 years now ,he is nearing the end now ,i hope you are not in pain and i send you and your family my love xxxxx

I feel so, so sad and heartbroken but you are going to a better place. I wish my daughter could find a beautiful, bright caring star like yourself. Poppy will regret not marrying you for ever Im sure.

God bless you.

Angela xxxx

Dear Adrian - I am so very sorry to read this latest blog and like so many others am in tears but I will sign up to keep the blog going and your efforts will change the face of this awful disease. May you find peace in the coming weeks. Ann xxx

Safe home, crazy diamond.

Peace and Love.

Keep being courageous and brave. Your strength is very inspiring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ReZThBQmAU&NR=1

Peace & light.

Adrian, I connected with your story and brave response in two ways. My daughter had leukaemia when she was 2 years old, but by the time she was six she was in remission, even though she was only given up to 40% chance of life. she now has two children and it 30 years old.
It seems so unfair that you should have the strain of the disease that can't be treated.
I used to be a reporter for an evening paper and admire your attempt to deal with your illness by writing down your thoughts. I know I would try to do the same, I hope I would be as honest and cope with losing my life as you have done. I admire you, yet feel so sad, it's difficult to write about it. I have been thinking of you and your plight since the story was in the Times. God bless, thank you for sharing your struggle with us. I'll keep an eye on your blog!

dear adrian god bless

Again today I am thinking about you and your family. I think you have touched the hearts of so many people and such love and affection is going out to you. I hope for a miracle but wish you a peaceful night. God Bless. Bern

Adrian,I'll be thinking of and your family in my prayers tonight.God Bless Lots Of Love Ang.