Just over a week ago I nearly took my own life.
I had drunk a generous glass of whiskey and was lying on my bed. I am sorry to say it now but I have never felt so worthless and empty.
Despite everything I have been through there just seemed no point in carrying on.
There was no hope at all.
An overdose seemed the most logical option. I had even worked out the order in which I was going to consume the copious amounts of tablets stuffed in a bag by my bedside.
I'm ashamed to write this but that is the truth and I suppose this is what my blog is all about.
To indicate just how serious I was I had started playing all my Radiohead albums! God I'm a cliche.
What stopped me in the end was maybe cowardice - a drugs overdose will be a slow and painful death - but mainly thinking about just how cruel it would have been on my family.
I know there are lots of people, including readers of this blog, who care about me and don't want me to die - even though I care much less now.
When it came to it I just couldn't do it.
This is how I turned things around with a lot of help from some wonderful people.
I should point out that I also stopped taking ALL my protective medicines.
My head has started to look more normal again. It's not better yet but it's got to the stage where if someone didn't know me they would just think I'd eaten a bit too much over Easter.
That was one thing to feel better about.
I have not cut my hair since being properly bald.
Believe it or not but in my teens I had the most magnificent mane. Some say blond curtains have gone out of fashion and that the undercut was merely an ill thought out style of the mid 90s, but I beg to differ.
Post chemotherapy my hair has returned but incredibly dark and curly. It looks like a black cauliflower has sprouted on top of my noggin.
Something I had always promised myself was that I would treat myself to my first professional haircut. Previously the most I'd spent was £3 in an establishment which sported a sign warning customers that their hair would not be cut were they to have head lice.
The hairdresser worked a minor miracle and my hair looks much like what it used to. She even got the straighteners out at one point- an experience I never thought I'd have.
During that week my editor phoned up and asked if I was coming to our group's in-house awards do in Liverpool. I said I wasn't going to go and he sounded very disappointed. He seemed oddly insistent.
Anyway, after my haircut, I went back to stay with my parents and went out and got very drunk with my best friend Ben.
I know not all readers of this blog will approve of me getting drunk. However, you have to remember that I'm British and drinking heavily is one of the few things we Brits actually do well.
It really helped and made me see life with a renewed vigour.
The next day I decided to try on my suit and it fit again. A clear sign the effects of the steroids were reversing. With that I phoned up the boss, asked for a week off and said I would be coming to the awards ceremony on Friday.
It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
The do in Liverpool was excellent. It was held in Sefton Park in a magnificent palm house. All the tables were candle lit and set amid a dazzling array of plants and trees. There we were eating this fabulous meal beneath a star-lit sky and a few awards were given.
Then this happened.
I was picked as the overall winner of the excellence awards - check out this video by Claire Gray. It's great stuff but trust her to include the dancing bits. I kind of hoped no one would ever see that again. No wonder Roy wanted me to come!
The background music is UK group the Sugarbabes. I can't imagine Heidi regularly sits down to read about graft versus host disease but if she does please don't sue us.
After all this me and some colleagues from Liverpool, including Liam McNeilis who you may remember from the Vegas award, headed into town.
We ended up in this wicked bar and one of the best things for me was I met this girl who said I was lovely looking. In fact, she said I was "hot".
After feeling so rubbish about my appearance for so long that was one of the nicest things anyone could have said to me.
If she's reading this I just want to say thank you so much.
The following day I headed down to London where I stayed with Will, a friend from journalism college, and his girlfriend Brook. It was their housewarming party and I got to meet some really interesting people.
London people are hilarious. In general, they have no idea where anything is north of the M25.
Not only did one person, an Oxford graduate no less, not know where Huddersfield is, she also thought it's pronounced Huddlesfield.
Harold Wilson would be turning in his grave.
After that I went to stay with my mate Olie in Balham. We had a great time. One day was crazy and booze-fuelled culminating in a particularly exciting game of Trivial Pursuits.
I had such a good time and was able to see lots of my friends and discuss a number of bone marrow donation issues with Caroline from the Anthony Nolan Trust.
Every one of you helped me so much.
Thank you again to all my long-suffering and relentlessly loving family, Ben, Gav, Caroline, Nel, Hollie, Phil, everyone at the Huddersfield Examiner and Liverpool Echo, Will, Brook, Olie, James, Lisa, Ashley, Lucy, Caroline B, Megan, Jen and Rachel.
Lots more people have phoned and spoken to me.
And of course all of you who took the time to comment and wish me well.
This was one situation I couldn't get out of myself- I needed pulling out which you all did in different ways.
One other interesting observation is that because I'm in such a difficult situation some people realise there is not much more they can say.
As a fall back they just tell me their deepest, darkest secrets. One I still can't quite believe!
I wanted to end with a dream I had while travelling around the country.
I am on a plane that is on fire and making a crash landing. The top of the plane has been ripped off and it's soaring over a school field with kids playing football.
Everyone else is panicking but I'm just sat there with my legs dangling in the powerful oncoming air; laughing.