Saved by my family, my friends and this blog

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Just over a week ago I nearly took my own life.

I had drunk a generous glass of whiskey and was lying on my bed. I am sorry to say it now but I have never felt so worthless and empty.

Despite everything I have been through there just seemed no point in carrying on.

There was no hope at all.

An overdose seemed the most logical option. I had even worked out the order in which I was going to consume the copious amounts of tablets stuffed in a bag by my bedside.

I'm ashamed to write this but that is the truth and I suppose this is what my blog is all about.

To indicate just how serious I was I had started playing all my Radiohead albums! God I'm a cliche.

What stopped me in the end was maybe cowardice - a drugs overdose will be a slow and painful death - but mainly thinking about just how cruel it would have been on my family.

I know there are lots of people, including readers of this blog, who care about me and don't want me to die - even though I care much less now.

When it came to it I just couldn't do it.

This is how I turned things around with a lot of help from some wonderful people.

I should point out that I also stopped taking ALL my protective medicines.

My head has started to look more normal again. It's not better yet but it's got to the stage where if someone didn't know me they would just think I'd eaten a bit too much over Easter.

That was one thing to feel better about.

I have not cut my hair since being properly bald.

Believe it or not but in my teens I had the most magnificent mane. Some say blond curtains have gone out of fashion and that the undercut was merely an ill thought out style of the mid 90s, but I beg to differ.

Post chemotherapy my hair has returned but incredibly dark and curly. It looks like a black cauliflower has sprouted on top of my noggin.

Something I had always promised myself was that I would treat myself to my first professional haircut. Previously the most I'd spent was £3 in an establishment which sported a sign warning customers that their hair would not be cut were they to have head lice.

The hairdresser worked a minor miracle and my hair looks much like what it used to. She even got the straighteners out at one point- an experience I never thought I'd have.

During that week my editor phoned up and asked if I was coming to our group's in-house awards do in Liverpool. I said I wasn't going to go and he sounded very disappointed. He seemed oddly insistent.

Anyway, after my haircut, I went back to stay with my parents and went out and got very drunk with my best friend Ben.

I know not all readers of this blog will approve of me getting drunk. However, you have to remember that I'm British and drinking heavily is one of the few things we Brits actually do well.

It really helped and made me see life with a renewed vigour.

The next day I decided to try on my suit and it fit again. A clear sign the effects of the steroids were reversing. With that I phoned up the boss, asked for a week off and said I would be coming to the awards ceremony on Friday.

It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

The do in Liverpool was excellent. It was held in Sefton Park in a magnificent palm house. All the tables were candle lit and set amid a dazzling array of plants and trees. There we were eating this fabulous meal beneath a star-lit sky and a few awards were given.

Then this happened.

I was picked as the overall winner of the excellence awards - check out this video by Claire Gray. It's great stuff but trust her to include the dancing bits. I kind of hoped no one would ever see that again. No wonder Roy wanted me to come!

The background music is UK group the Sugarbabes. I can't imagine Heidi regularly sits down to read about graft versus host disease but if she does please don't sue us.

After all this me and some colleagues from Liverpool, including Liam McNeilis who you may remember from the Vegas award, headed into town.

We ended up in this wicked bar and one of the best things for me was I met this girl who said I was lovely looking. In fact, she said I was "hot".

After feeling so rubbish about my appearance for so long that was one of the nicest things anyone could have said to me.

If she's reading this I just want to say thank you so much.

The following day I headed down to London where I stayed with Will, a friend from journalism college, and his girlfriend Brook. It was their housewarming party and I got to meet some really interesting people.

London people are hilarious. In general, they have no idea where anything is north of the M25.

Not only did one person, an Oxford graduate no less, not know where Huddersfield is, she also thought it's pronounced Huddlesfield.

Harold Wilson would be turning in his grave.

After that I went to stay with my mate Olie in Balham. We had a great time. One day was crazy and booze-fuelled culminating in a particularly exciting game of Trivial Pursuits.

I had such a good time and was able to see lots of my friends and discuss a number of bone marrow donation issues with Caroline from the Anthony Nolan Trust.

Every one of you helped me so much.

Thank you again to all my long-suffering and relentlessly loving family, Ben, Gav, Caroline, Nel, Hollie, Phil, everyone at the Huddersfield Examiner and Liverpool Echo, Will, Brook, Olie, James, Lisa, Ashley, Lucy, Caroline B, Megan, Jen and Rachel.

Lots more people have phoned and spoken to me.

And of course all of you who took the time to comment and wish me well.

This was one situation I couldn't get out of myself- I needed pulling out which you all did in different ways.

One other interesting observation is that because I'm in such a difficult situation some people realise there is not much more they can say.

As a fall back they just tell me their deepest, darkest secrets. One I still can't quite believe!

I wanted to end with a dream I had while travelling around the country.

I am on a plane that is on fire and making a crash landing. The top of the plane has been ripped off and it's soaring over a school field with kids playing football.

Everyone else is panicking but I'm just sat there with my legs dangling in the powerful oncoming air; laughing.

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96 Comments

I'm glad you're still with us! I can't imagine how you've been feeling. You sound as if you've come through the worst.....I know it's not all better by any means but your family and friends must have given you a reason to live and perhaps let some light in? I hope that makes sense.
Oh, and step away from the Radiohead albums!!

Best wishes

Catherine x

Welcome back Adrian. It's a long hard road to get back after such a blow. Some would say that its a lack of courage not to go through with suicide, but I think in your case its a show of strength and character. You knew you could not do this to the hundreds of people that care, especially so to your family. It's strength to pull yourself back from the edge because of caring for others. Well done!

Also congrats on the Excellence Awards - thats awsome :-)

I hope you never feel as low as you did last week - once is twice too many times, in my opinion, for anyone to feel that bad.

And I loved your dream! Enjoy life to the fullest under any circumstance...wonderful! Just my interpretation :-)

ps - I did not see the link to the video..?

Lots of love and light, Adrian
Annie
Steven's mom
http://livingwithcml.blogspot.com

Hello fella you didn`t`take your life BECAUSE you thought of everyone else and not yourself which is what YOU do so thankyou for that!
Big Grandma is doing okay as well ( little Zoe is helping too!)
So lots and lots of hugs from us and hope to see you soon Uncle Brian & Aunty Lucy

Hi again Adrian,

Again i have been left staring at my computer gobsmacked.
We have both been thinking about you a lot since your last post and i must admit to being a little worried that you had not left another post since (until now).
Great to have you back, as you say you made the best decision ever by taking the time off, going to the awards do and spending some much needed time off with family and friends. Family and friends will always pull you through and it sounds like emotionally you have been through the worst of it.
Im sure there will be many more appreciations to come! (like the one from the girl you met!) and i bet i speak for many people on here that it would be great to see a recent photo - and the funky new hair do!
Look after yourself,
Love Katherine (and Dave) x

I'm glad that you're still with us. It takes a lot of courage to keep going, and I'm so glad that you have good friends and family who are close to you. I hope that it never gets that bad again for you.

All the best.

Hello Adrian, Glad you are back, and on form with your writing!!!

So Glad that your hair is looking great and that you are getting compliments about the way you look, HOT!!! I have never been called that in my life.... lol

Its damn right what they say you have to hit rock bottom to get back up again, and you are back again, much to the relief to all of your family, friends and cyber mates on here!!!!

Please keep posting the blogs, don`t give up on life yet!!!

Lots of love Dawn xxx

PS I like getting very drunk too sometimes, its a cleansing thing!!!! Thats the way I see it anyway...

Hi Adrian
So glad to hear you have had a better week. I can't imagine how you must be feeling from one day to the next but I hope you have turned a small corner now. You are an inspiration to everyone who follows your blog.
Take care

Dawn Doran x

Hi there Adrian, just wanted to say that I've read your entire blog now and have to say it's a really great blog. It was really good to meet you the other week so if you fancy a beer or coffee in shef to have a rant about working in the media or anything else then drop me an email and i'll send my mobile number. Take care mate.

John
Ross Parry Photographer

It's so good that you've been able to have a bit of a break from the bad stuff. Keep on hanging on...

Pru

Hey Adrian,

Just read your last couple of entries. One word - shit! I'm glad that you've pulled through the worst of it though. Hooray for the piss-up! You poms need to keep practicing if you want to keep good at it ;)

Not a lot else I can do or say from way over here on the other side of the world, but just wanted to say hi and let you know that I'm thinking of you. Hope the de-steroid-isation continues!

Kim xo

Hi Adrian

Sorry not been in touch for a while-computer been down as they say!

Good to hear you`re thru` the rough - keep going - it`ll be great in the end.

I`m not even going to mention the football!

Take care and best wishes to you and your family.

Liz

Hey Adrian,

Just been reading your blog in the Daily Mail, and thought i'd log onto your site just to say how moving your story was to read.

You've certainly been through the mill, its good to see your hopefully through the thick of it and things can only get better from now.

Keep your chin up, and well done for trying to keep so positive, even though it must be so hard at times!

Best wishes,

Liz

Hi, I have just read your blog in todays Daily Mail and I just want to say that you are amazing! My Dad died from cancer so I know a bit about this awful disease. Well done to you for fighting it so well, I firmly beleive that these things happen for a a reason and only good things are in store for you. By the way I think you are gorgeous and if I wasnt a married mother of three I would def ask you out! Good luck and dont give up, you are an inspiration

Hi Adrian,

I have just been reading the article in the Mail today and I must say it brought me back down to earth with a big bang. Unlike you I did try to take my own life and reading what you have been through has made me realise how small and insignificant my problems are compared to other people in this world.

You stick with it hun and I'm sure you'll have more compliments from the ladies!! :o)

You are truly an inspiration to all.

Claire

Dear Adrian, i have just read todays daily mail and your diary page and felt i had to go online and read your blog. This is something i have never done before even tho i have read many similar stories of people who have done the same as you but there was something so open and honest in your writing that somehow, i feel i know you .... weird i know! Anyways, please please stay strong, you obviously have the most amazing support system around you what with friends and family etc and they love and need you as much as you love and need them. Hang in there, big x Allie

Dear Adrian
Keep trucking my boy! You are a joy to read and should know that by doing so you are helping other people too!Great stuff.Liked the dancing too!

Kate

Hi Adrian

I have just read your site after discovering you today in the Daily Mail I have to say I am totally gobsmacked by the content and the wonderful way you have produced it. Its so very well done darls, very well done.

I orginally came from Sheffield many (many!!) years ago and today I live just outside Perth in Western Australia. I have lived in WA for the better part of 40 years. In 2002 I suffered from three brain anueryisms - one of which bled- so it took me quite some time to recover but I think 'normality' is about average today.

I will continue to read your blog now Adrian and I wish you all the joy and luck in the world. May your days be long and truly happy and thank you soooooooo much for your wonderful contribution. I am sure many people are very grateful to you

For days I have been trying to read this post beyond "And then this happened" - and every time my PC crashed! Talk about a nail-biting page-turner! SO glad to hear you are being appreciated out there in the scary world of hot young things! All the best, Roobeedoo.

Bloody show off with your piece in the Daily Mail. Double page spread indeed. I always thought they printed rubbish stories ;-)

Seriously though hope you are ok, i'm off to Rome for Bank Holiday weekend but when i get back let's try and meet up again. I'll try not to have any meetings this time!

x

Hello Adrian,
Just fininshed reading an article in the Mail about you so decided to take a look at your blog.
Just think about how many lives you've touched positively to be able to have so many people you can rely on to pick you up and dust you down. Not many of us have that emotional support you must be pretty special.

Everyone has challenging times in their lives, and when given these challenges we seem to lose hope as you did but something or someone comes along to give a clearer perspective on things.

Now you're back to a stange of normalcy (is that a Word?) and doing your odd dancing and getting chatted up by hot women life aint so bad.

Keep laughing at our crazy world, talk and talk to family, friends, collegues & us here your captivated audience. Keep doing what you're doing its served you well so far.

love
Kath

PS Trivial Pursuit Question "What is the colour of Yaks milk?

One of the strange facts you keep in your head after playing said game

Shed a tear today when I read your story today in the Daily Mail. I had cancer myself at 26 and can remember many of the experiences you have been through and are going through. Keep strong and keep the faith !!

What a complete inspiration you are. I have just found out about your blog in the Mail, and I'm amazed at what you have been through.

I had a few ups and downs and getting dumped whilst I was in hospital with an MS attack....but nothing compares to your experiences and the way you are facing it.

I have also been at the other end, with my best friend dying of cancer. He fought all the way, and it seems daft to say it, but that was so important to his family and me....he ashamed us all with his joy of life and courage. Keep fighting and smiling - we are all rooting for you.x Carol

Ive just read about you in the daily mail-im a reiki practitioner, would you like to try some distant healing??? I know this might seem wierd but your article nearly made me cry! My daughters best friend suffered from leukaemia at a young age, no-one should have to go through that! I'd like to help with your say-so i'll get started i can do it with the photo from the paper best wishes tess

Hi from Dublin Adrian,

I am an "older" lady who is formerly a Brummie, married to an Italian with two sons and living in Dublin.

I've just read your article in the Daily Mail. Unfortunately, my comment will be quite boring in comparison with the lovely ones that have been written. What a wonderful inspiration you are to us and such a good example for young people.

Don't worry about getting drunk; what's new in Ireland!!! Sometimes, you just have to do these things.

You say that you went to Mass at Christmas; well, keep praying!!! I've heard that Padre Pio is good at working miracles too. I don't want to give the impression that I'm a "Holy Joe" but it's worth a shot isn't it. You have nothing to lose. In fact, I'm going to see "him" in Italy in August - look I'll ask him to look out for you.

Keep strong Adrian.

All the best,
Rita

Hi Adrian,
After reading your extract in the Daily Mail, I logged on to read your blog. What an inspiration you must be to so many people and how proud must your family and friends be of you. I wish you well and pray that you find strength every day to deal with your illness. You will be in my thoughts even though I do not know you.

Keep well!!!
Tracy

Hi Adrian,

I have just finished reading your blog in the Mail and then found your site as many others have before me. The insight you give us of your daily life and the challenges that face you is I am sure thought provoking for many. What stands out is your courage,strength and determination....Keep dancing!

Hi Adrian

What an amazing "story" to read in the paper today? I have never in my life been so hooked on a story as I normally just flick through the papers and read the headlines! As soon as I finished reading it I came online to read your blog and your an insperation to us all. One thing for sure I will be registering for becoming a doner for bone marrow after reading your story. Keep on in there and I am sure you will now have a great time as you have had your "crap" bit in life.

With warm wishes and deep respect

Just wanted to say All the best, you can beat this Adrian.

I have read the article in the daily mail and read your site, you are a credit to your family, wishing all the best.

Have a long and happy life mate.

Hi Adrian
I read your story today in the Daily Mail. I just wanted to know if anyone has mentioned the Hoxsey Treatment for cancer? I know there are loads of 'alternative' treatments to consider but this one is def worth looking into. There is a clinic in Mexico (Bio-Medical Center) claiming an 80% success rate for advanced cancer. Take a look at http://www.cancure.org/hoxsey_clinic.htm
Sending you love and light,
Katie x

Adrian

Greetings from Dublin..just read your story in the Daily Mail..what an inspiration you are..I will pray for your recovery and again hope and pray you meet a wonderful soulmate. God Bless you.

What an inspirational blog and what a fantastic person you are! Even with your health problems I would say you will be fantastic catch for some lucky girl, so don't give up on the idea of marriage!
Good luck and good health.
Marina.

Dear Adrian
Was so touched by your brave and wonderful article in the Mail !You have been to hell and back ,and come through it all ,Thank god .I had hoped your girlfriend would have stayed regardless of your appearance or how ill you were!many people do because they love someone .Again you blamed yourself ,you were the same person ,so sad ,I hope you meet someone else and be happy .You have a hell of a lot of people rooting for you and wanting to be a part of your life !Loved the sound of your pal in hospital who sadly died ,what a sense of humour !brilliant!
I am visiting a young girl of 16 in hospital with this dreadful disease and the injustice of of all makes me so sad and angry .I wish you good health ,joy and lots of hugs and love keep in touch with us all !!!Love Christinexxx

Dear Adrian

I too was touched by your article today..at this point in my life I am caring for my Mum who has Bone cancer and we are not sure how long she has to live..a year ago today my Dad died of cancer so I am beginning to understand the sorrow and sadness this illness brings..BUT you are doing so well and I hope by writing this blog it helps, keep strong and am thinking of you.
Love Michele.

What a lovely young man.... Will be following your progress...Good luck with your treatment.

Hi Adrian,

Hopefully you remember me from the Harlow days, I had no idea what had been happening to you until this morning when I picked up the Daily Mail and saw your smiling face staring back at me.

Hon, I always admired you're down to earth approach at college and having read through your blog the same Adrian who we all adored is still there and that's so important.

I can't try to pretend to understand what you're going through but I'm here for you, even though I've been crap at staying in touch over the years. Laura should have texted you today I hope, would love to catch up properly....

Take care, stay strong - my friend who died of cancer in February had an amazing phrase: Live well, laugh often, love much, I know you can get through this sweetie.

Much love

Kerry xxxx

Hiya Adrian,

Wow...am speechless really. I have done exactly as everyone before me has said and have concluded like everyone else that you are one hellava guy! I just want you to know that I will be adding you to my prayer list.

Did you read Thursday, April 24, Daily Mail Page 46/47 about Siobhan Kilfeather? Eight years ago, as a mother of two young children, suffering from cancer that was ravaging her body she threw herself at the feet of the statue of Mary and prayed for extra time to allow her young children to remember her. Days later, back in London, doctors were astonished to discover no trace of the disease which had threatened to destroy her. Siobhan Kilfeather survived another seven precious years before her cancer returned. Her mother-in-law Ellen Jameson, wife of former newspaper editor Derek, tells her extraordinary story.

When I was 19 years old I had a motorbike accident in South Africa in the Drakensberg Mountains. I nearly lost my right foot and had I not been wearing a helmet I most probably would not be here writing to you now. That night the daughter of the family I was staying with sat next to my bed and stayed up all night with me praying for me to have some respite from the pain. I was also quite badly bruised internally. I can only say that this experience left me knowing that I had felt the presence of God with me and that I also know without any shadow of a doubt that he does exist. May God Bless You Adrian, Annette x

what an amazing and brave lad you are adrian, you are a true inspiration for all the bad in this world, you have all the courage, strength and determination to beat this horrible illness, keep strong and positive and always look to the future, my thoughts are very much with you and i hope for really good things for you in the future, you take care lad.
marilyn

Hi Adrian,
I've just read your blog in the Mail and you really are an exceptional young man, very brave and courageous.
Your story pulled many strings in my heart and I truly wish you the best of luck, health and happiness. Keep smiling as it seems to be something which you sound like you're good at!!
All the best,
Jo

Hi

Another one who just read your blog in the Daily Mail. Can not imagine what you are going through, but everything crossed for you, in my thoughts with the treatment etc. Massive congratulations on the award, thoroughly deserved.

With love, hugs and smiles.

xx Diana

Adrian,

Just read your story in the daily mail - can I say how uplifting i found it. I wuz feeling so down over ridiculous (apparently now) stuff - you made me realise don't be so pathetic.

Thankyou and good luck!

I think your hot too!!!

X

Hi Adrian

Like lots of the above, I too read your blog in the Mail today and just had to send you my best wishes. You're obviously a fighter with a lot to live for. Keep fighting!

With very best wishes,

Jen

Hi ADRIAN
Just been reading about you in the Daily Mail.Your story touched me and i think you are very brave. Please keep thinking posative. You seem are a lovely person and the world is a better place with you in it. Keep up the good fight. Pauline

Another Mail reader.
Just to say I'm rooting for you.
Plus, give me dark curly hair anyday, it does it for me!

Hi Adrian

Another Mail reader!!

Had to just say how moved I was by your article and how much it made me laugh and cry in equal measure. Keep on with raising that right arm mate and I think you look fab with or without hair. The woman in Huddlesfield (!) was spot on!

Take Care Debbie x

Hi Adrian
You have fought so hard to beat this 'pig', with your upbeat humour and determination, however Adrian I know you feel 'I just can't take anymore' many people are praying for you.

I have recently had a kidney transplant, a gift from my brother and it is a life gift, he went through a operation to make my life better one I will never be able to return, I seize each day and I do have my 'leave me alone' days. Side affects from the medication, feeling sick, my hair is going thin but what the hell. You have had some good offers on your blog kid they don't think your bad looking. I have a hamster face now but my quality of life just gets better.

Keep you chin up

Love Brenda & 'H' of Ruddington xx

Wow! Like others I just read your story in the daily mail and immediately logged on to your blog....actually in the hope you'd written more! Your writing is so engaging. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this, all of it, illness related and otherwise. Please keep doing what you're doing as obviously you're bringing light love and laughter into a lot of lives!! Good luck to you, and congratulations on all your achievements so far! Hope to see you put and about having fun in Sheffield when I next visit my mates up there!

Like others, I have just read your story in the 'Mail'. My mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, so we are all going through the shock stage. Your story has given me courage and hope for the future. keep fighting,take care and enjoy every day to the full.

Hi Adrian,

Ive just read the article in the mail and am so sorry you have had such a terrible time. Your blog is amazing and you are such an inspiration. I wish you all the luck in the world with your treatment, you have an incredible support network, wonderful family and friends and enough strength to keep on fighting this disease.

ps - you are a lovely looking bloke with a big personality and I hope you meet someone really special to share your life with.

God bless

Christine (Doncaster)

Hi Adrian, read your Daily Mail article, really well written and I can understand a lot of what you said. My husband was diagnosed with AML 2 (Nov 04), he was in remission after 4 lots chemo but then relapsed june 05. It had spread to his spinal fluid and fluid around his brain which was gonna be difficult to treat. My husband was 42 at the time, they needed to use intra-thecal chemo by lumbar puncture and normal chemo through hickman line that took 6 months then started cranial radiotherapy over christmas 05. February 06 had non related donar bone marrow transplant. I have made this all seem matter of fact and straight forward but you will know that there's a lot of heartache and tears unseen in these words that only people that have gone through this will see. My husband just celebrated his 45 birthday last week and is at Barts, London today for his 3 monthly checkup. He is a picture of health and is completely in remission for 2 years. I think its good to hear the positive/success stories because we so often dont, sometimes selfishly people that have been through this want to move on a forget it all. Just wanted to share this with you, will keep seeing how you're doing and wishing you well. Well is such a small word but means so much. Gina Griesel

Hi Adrian,
I have been so inspired by your blog, it has made me go through the whole gamut of emotions, from laughter, to tears..
You are a true inspiration... and a reminder of how precious life is and to focus on what is truly important in life.
You are a truly gifted writer.. and I admire the fact despite your own suffering that you have been using your gift to inform and support others.. may you be blessed many times over for doing that :)
I pray that you will experience much brighter and happier days from now on.
You are in my prayers.
Laura
X

Read your blog in yesterday`s mail, sorry to read you are so ill.My dad Ray had Chronic Lymphocytid Leukaemia so know what you are going through,when he was told what was wrong with him dr`s said that he would only live for 5 year`s and when he told us what was wrong he said that he was not going to let it rule his life and that he was going to enjoy what time he had left.He was in and out of hosptal,some day`s it was as much as he could do to get out of bed but most day`s he did.Dad died in 2005 at the age of 77 he was in hosptal for nearly 4 week`s, he did`nt eat for the last 7 week`s and did`nt drink for the last 2 week`s.Shall be loging on again, Best wishes and keep your chin up. Linnie. x

I read your blog in Yesterday's Daily Mail and just wanted to say good luck for the future. When you get through this episode I know you'll have huge success and happiness in the coming years.

Best wishes

R

Adrian,

Thanks for sharing so honestly with us your "Blog" readers and friends.

It was humbling to read your "Daily Mail" article and moving at the same time.

I have also had recent health problems and "Blogs" have become a part of life for me, same with one of my Dear Friends in the USA, it is a way to release tensions and stress while helping to bring some peace.

You are in my thought and I look forward to sharing with you from now.

Best,
John

Hey Adrian,

I read about you after someone passed yesterdays newspaper article on to me and just wanted to wish you well. I'm 25 and went from being fit and well in Novemeber to having undergone Open Heart Surgery in January to replace my aorta and aortic valve. I wouldn't want to compare this in anyway to what you're dealing with but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone...strangely I'm also bald as I've been suffering from Alopecia since I was 12...I'm the original baldy!

Hello Adrian,

I too have just read your article in the Mail and although I never leave comments normally, I felt compelled to say I think you're awesome. An absolute inspiration to us all. Keep up your strength and humour and yer, stay away from the 'headlice barbers'! I also think you're rather hot!

(this blog stuffs great ain't it-strangers telling you you're great, I might have to start my own, hehe!)

All the best Adrian
Georgina

Hi Adrian
Like many others, I read the Mail and felt compelled to contact you. My gorgeous 6ft 16 year old son, A grade student , playing football and rugby for his school, healthy eater, was diagnosed with ALL March 2007. A jolt went through me after the first few lines of your article, he too had pains in his hips and knees put down to sport, got a cough that wouldn't go away, was pale then was breathless even walking up the stairs. After 2 visits to hospital, being told he had 'a virus' explained by low neutrophil counts, it wasn't until a bone marrow test was demanded that the diagnosis was made. A dream like quality took over and like you his daily routine consisted of chemotherapy, steroids and anti side affect pills. However, not to be beaten by this set back, he rolled of his sick bed to sit his GCSE's at home and has now been attending school since September 2007 studying for 3 A levels. He only goes in for lessons, often throws up on the way in and has to go straight to bed on his return but refuses to give in to this monster that tried to take over his body. I have always admired my son and his two siblings but my respect and overwhelming love has risen to heights that know no bounds. Your blog and writing are inspirational and I know you must have dark moments and it is only you dealing with the treatment but I am sure there are many who admire and are in awe of you and want to empathize.Take a day at a time and take the good things from each day, love Sally

Read your blog in the Mail yesterday you are a real inspiration and i wish you all the best . Donna

I along with many others it seems have read the Daily Mail article and I just wanted to say keep smiling, although no one knows where our lives will take us I truly hope that yours takes you to happy times where you achieve all your dreams and find your soul mate, you truly deserve it! You are an inspiration. :-)

So glad to hear you decided to take that week off work and go out and enjoy yourself.

Did the girl call you hot before or after you had danced with her?

Now that dancing was HOT!

Cath x

Hi Adrian.
Fantastic diary. Have laughed and cried,you deserve an oscar.Nasty business cemotherapy,had a few doses myself via the hickman line. Hair loss, {looked like a monk myself}Have to say since completing my treatment on the 21st December i had the biggest party ever. Yes i had a headache the following day.So go for it.Travelled too. Nothing like family and friends to keep you laughing oh and i got married too. Shame really because your defo hot. Enjoy life x

Hello Adrian,
Read your article in the Daily Mail yesterday, & you are such a brave fellow. You deserve a lot of luck & love & I'm sure you will find it all one day. Hang on in there.
love Chris xx

Hi Adrian

My friend Steve is going through a bone marrow transplant for AML ..his donor was a 20 year student @Newcastle Uni ..Steve's wife is wondering (read hoping) if she will get any other characteristics of a 20yr old male along with the marrow.

I'm sure each of your readers is overwhelmed with admiration at how well you are handling such physical and emotional trauma ..I hope things get much better for you ..you deserve so much happiness.

Phew, it has taken me 24 hours to find out how to post a reply. I know, I know, I am just a girl.

You have been through the hoops but seem to be doing so well. Keep jumping.

I have had 3 cancer scares and when the Docs give you the news it is shattering. 1.I was phoned on the Thursday and asked to be at the hospital on the monday. Cervical cancer scare. The surgeon and a gtoup of trainee doctors examined me with a colpoloscope. A goup looking into my most intimate parts. He said I needed surgery and was booked in the next day. Surgeon came to see me the next morning and declared that he could find NO CANCER CELLS at all and thought it a miracle.

2.Malignant melanoma level 2. Another shock that sent my head into what felt like an electric mixer. As the surgery was being done (in my groin where the sun has never shone)the two young male surgeons had a very funny conversation about the type of stitch and thread to use. I felt as if I was in an embroidery class. We all laughed. The funny side of surgery.


3. Another melanoma that was not malignant.

Keep jumping through the hoops. Thank you for the inspiration.

Have never done this thing before and dont even know what an URL is so this might not even get to you Adrian!

After reading numerous articles in The Mail ranging from boring,sad, depressing and even more depressing I feel compelled to write to you to wish you a long, happy and healthy life. You have true spirit and deserve only but good things.

All the best

Ali

Adrian-
All the best to you - two types of leukemia? Overdoing it, mate. Just home after 8 months of chemo for AML. No match, but the chemo has done well so far. Cancer free (two great words together), hair coming in, life is good. You've been terrific so far - hang in there. It will get better; you have a lively wit and the guts to stick it out. I'll be thinking of you and sending all healing thoughts.
Carol

Hi Adrian

I'm sorry for being slow in writing this but I read the article in the mail and wanted to respond. I am 31 and I am currently just over half way through a four month course of chemotherapy for breast cancer so I understand some of what you've been through. I felt compelled to write but I'm not sure how to say what I felt because it seems rude and too blunt as I don't know you. I have decided to just go for it though so I hope I don't offend you. I thought "You can't take your life after going through all you've been through. You've fought the illness and suffered the chemo - don't give in now!"
I wish you luck and happiness. Stay strong - you've been brilliant so far!

I have just finished reading your blog. You are a true inspiration to all cancer sufferers around the world.

I am glad that you have won so many awards for this blog. I just hope that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. What you and your family have been through is the hardest thing at the moment, but you will get there.

Take care and I will keep reading avidly. My fingers are crossed and you are in my prayers!

Hi Adie,
So sorry to read about all recent the problems. Keep plugging away, all this will only make you stronger. Remember to never stop smiling! Keep writing and thinking of you.

Best Wishes

Nick Brooke (Physiology Liverpool)

Hi Adrian,
I just heard you being interviewed on 5 live and I can't even begin to tell you how sad I am feeling for you right now. You sound so kind and genuine. Life is so cruel & unfair. Why you? Things like this are so random, I know there's no point in saying that but it's how it makes me feel. My father died September 2nd last year, after having been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour on July 6th. It was so awful. I miss him. Your family will miss you very much too. I wish you all the very best for whatever the rest of your life brings you. I'll keep checking up on you on your blog. Keep posting!!

xxxxx

hi hope u are ok today

hi adrian hope u are ok today remember keep your chin up love from carol in huddersfeld

Hi Adi,

First read your story quite by accident in the daily mail on saturday, sitting in canteen at work 4am, just starting work, just had to read your blog, and excellent it is too. You are a truly brave and selfless person, just please keep smiling, I wish you well, and I will keep reading x

hiya, i saw you on the news today and my first thoughts were god he is hot, i have to agree with others on this matter. then i listened to your story and i just wanted you to know that you are the most amazing person ever. you are in my thoughts xxxx

Hello Adrian,
You are a very brave young man, I take my hat off to you.
Adrian I feel the urge to tell you that this is not the end,as a christian I have to tell you that there is life after death, if there wasn't life after death, this life would have no meaning at all.
Our hope is in Jesus Christ who died that we might have eternal life. All we have to do is accept Him as our saviour.
Adrian please don't dismiss me as I crank I am
truly at your sevice, if I can help you understand this message I will only be too delighted to give you my telephone number.

My very best wishes too you.

Basil

Hi adrian,

Hope you are well.I offer you a prayer.I know you are do a wonderful job telling people all about your bone marrow transplant.Is there anything we could do to help you.I am a restuarer in nottingham, and would love to help you get your message out to the people of nottingham and the rest of the country, by holding a charity night and raising funds for the bone marrow trusts.It would give people in my district more knowlegde and with your inside view.

please email me if there is anything i can do to help you

HIYA....I'VE JUST SEEN YOU ON BBC NEWS..LOOKED UP YOUR BLOG..AND PUT IT ON MY 'STUMBLEDUPON ' SITE...I'M 'CUPPA '.
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS SWEETHEART..YOU'VE MET YOUR CHALLENGE HEAD ON..WELL DONE..
LOVE ALLIE FLETCHER COLCHESTER X:)

Morning Adrian, Just wanted to let you know that I have just registered to be a bone marrow donor sooooooooooo that has got to be worth sticking around on this planet for a little while longer wouldnt you say?
Just seen you on the BBC morning news prog and thought yep what a great lookin guy and what a great champion for this unforgiving illness. So well done for being you and keep on doing a wonderful job. I will be tuning in to see howz ya doin, keep on top and be you xxx

Hi Adrian,

Well, I'm one of the lucky ones, having survived APL (AML-M3) two years back. It was six months of hell (neutropenia, gotta love it!), but I came through the aggresive chemo somehow and luckily did not require a BMT as I went into full remission.

Having seen you on BBC Breakfast I was inspired and heartbroken in equal measures by your story and sincere request to get people onto the BM register.

I'm not going to tell you to believe in a higher power or miracles - in truth it's the luck of the dice (or in our case bad chromosones) and medical advancement that is the real decider.

I can't imagine what it must be like to battle two strands of leukaemia, but know you have an army of survivors and supporters right behind you.

To a hero and never a victim, big love and best wishes.

Alison

I'm so glad you decided not to go ahead with it, if you had i would not have seen your lovely brave face on the news today and i wouldn't have known about bone marrow and how easy it is to donate. Your an inspiration and i know i will be an avid reader of your blog. Take care and thank you for being brave enough to educate so many of us. Donna xxx

Hi Adrian

To reiterate Alison's words, To a Hero and never a victim, I felt inspired to contact you to offer my support, to send you all my love, best wishes, healing energy and hope that you too believe in miracles . . . because you are one! You're an inspiration to others, a beautiful human being and, after seeing you on tv today, I wish you every success with your campaign to educate youngsters into donating stem cells - I know you can achieve success in this and if there is anything I can do to help you, let me know.
Meantime, take care of yourself, love yourself to bits, watch yourself dancing... have a good laugh - they say a good laugh encourages healing energy.
Peace, Light and Love to you Adrian
Paula Duncan
xx

Adrian, I am sure you are sick to the back teeth of people telling you that you are so brave, really what choice have you got! I don't mean that nastily...I lost my husband who was thirty nine almost two years ago to lung cancer, he had never smoked in his life a very fit person who had a lovely family, he wanted to see them grow up and get married but life dealt him a bitter blow.Life can be so cruel sometimes. I am so sad to hear of your story, you have been through so much and have tried so hard. Much like yourself my husband tried very hard to live, being accepted on trial treatments one after another hoping each one would give that miracle cure and prevent us telling the children the inevitable. Lets be honest you accept anything to choose life when you are so young and have so much to live for. But there is only so much you can take. I was horrified to read that you tried to take your life but I can understand how you could feel that way,I have got to say I have felt like many times in the last two years. Well done for not following it through, you are obviusly very loved and respected by your family and friends. Enjoy the precious time you have left you are obviously a very strong person.

Hello Adrian,

I heard of your blog, here in Toronto Canada and found your story amazing. The strength and courage you show are very humbling and also very uplifting. Reading your blog I just want you to know that the awareness you're raising about leukaemia and the importance of bone marrow donors will benefit way more people than you can ever imagine. I can only imagine the dark moments you must be going through but just remember that every day you help thousands of people who will benefit from your story and many more who you inspire. Thank you Adrian. We're all here behind you in Toronto. I'm going to Montreal this weekend and I'll share your story there so that your work and determination keeps on going.

Lorelej in Toronto, Canada.

Right you lovely tyke !!
enough of the" you,re an inspiration",and "how brave you are"adulation.
You make a fairly bad tight spot ! very funny x
You think you've got it tough,I've got a teenage girl with a spot!!!
Nice one Adrian,will check the bone marrow thing out,promise X
Sue

Oh wow, We are in the US in Texas, just saw about you on msnbc, was overwhelmed by your desire to help others. Just amazing! Just want you to know that we are praying for you, comfort, peace,strength, encouragement and hope for you. I don't know much about how you feel about God but I ask that you give Him a chance. Open your Bible and read, there is comfort and eternal life to be found in Christ. Love to you, and thanks for sharing your humor and take on all you experience with all of us in the world.

Hello Adiran,

Nebraska, United States

I seen an advertisement about your campaign while talking with some friends on MSN, I thought it looked interesting so I clicked it.

It is too bad that there are so many people out there with no donors. I am glad you did not take your own life, and thought of the loved ones in your life instead. I can understand if you want to go get drunk with some of your mates. If it makes you happy, why not?

You are a very unselfish person. You have a good sense of humor, even when the times are going a little downhill, but with that kind of personallity all you should recive is the best of luck!

I beleive in God, but I do not go to church often. I pray for you, Adrian.

I have just read a book for my English class, it is called "A Shining Season". It is about a man from Albaquerce, New Mexico (Sorry for my spelling)
His name is John Baker. He is announced to have developed cancer. He too was going to end his life after he thought it was no use in living anymore. But instead he devoted his life to teaching his students at the towns elementary school, later named after him.

People like you are heroes to me, and a lot of other people. I am sorry for taking so much of your time if you are reading this, I just want you to know how much peoplel ike you are loved and cared about. Adrian, I wish you, your family, and friends the best of luck, even though you deserve more than luck.

-Tyler

hi adrian sorry to hear about this im more than glad that you diddnt take your own life i am really missing your dad though serious i am, now ive got sum 1 called mr horner who is as boring as hell lol i really want your dad to come back but i hear that he stopped working to come and look after you im glad that he did you need your family at this time and your family need you at this time my best regarards are with you all and i really hope you get better tell your dad im missing him lessons arnt the same without him i learnt so much when he was teaching me im not saying this to please you im saying this from the heart i really miss him and i hope he comes back but most off all i want him to look after you and make sure you are all right 1st but every1 misses him expecially me but if i never see him again tell him he was fantastic and i will never forget him he made lessons fun and i understood him so tell him thankyou but i hope you carry on getting better because things can only get better please get better remember chin up and if you dont feel well just look for your family hope you get better soon email me please anytime and tell your dad to email me please i want to keep in contact if thats ok with you and him cuz he was a fantastic teacher anyway thankyou hope you get better very soon hope to hear from you soon thanks mate all the best :)

A star...l saw you on TV!

If you have not done so buy urgently 'Living Proof' by Michael Gearin Tosh Oxford Academic.
Really really worth reading he was on deaths doorstep with an aggressive leukaemia.Also look up site of Nicholas Gonzales cancer specialist New York he is amaing and has had spectacular successes
I write as a mum of s teenager and wish you well.Have signed the petition.

Go well.

I came across your blog quite by chance because I've been a long-time supporter of bone marrow donations, I dont wish to adorn this with more expressions of how brave and wonderful you are (LOL that goes without saying) but I just wanted you to know that you are in my circle of prayers and remember miracles happen every day to ordinary people like me and you, keep fighting Adrian and keep being the sweet unassuming man that you are, My daughter is just graduating university in journalism, I pray she's half as good as you are!!
hugsssss

What an amazing man you are, Adrian.

I am sending off the link to your blog to everyone I know and I hope they will join me in getting involved in the campaign.

You are an inspiration and I don't think I'll ever forget you. At those moments in life when I let myself down, when I'm less than proud at my lack of courage or when I lose the faith for whatever reason, I'll see your face and remember your strength and humour and, I pray, be a better version of myself because of you. Not what you ever intended to do, but what will happen nevertheless. And I can only thank you for that.

All blessings to you and yours Adrian. And well done - you've helped make this world of ours a much better place by being here.

You're magnificent.

Big love from
Kate Ray
X

Hi there fighter pilot in the crashing plane.................. (OOOOH I always had a thing for pilots, or was that planes, or was it trains........ I forget).

Anyhow, simple explanation of that one I think, your'e facing the possible end head on and your'e at a stage where your'e coming close to acceptance of circumstances, hence the laughing in the face of danger or certain death. I truly believe dreams like this can help you. Its a form of release of thoughts, expressions, feelings, emotions and fears. I suppose Im a kind of eternal optimist, even though bad stuff has happened in my life, (wont go there, this is about you), but I want to say, as long as there is always a chance then seize it with both hands, and every fibre of your being, if not for you, then for your family whom adore you, thats obvious. Doctors can get it wrong, they have been in the past, and they will be into the future. Thats not to say whats happening isnt real, but just keep an open mind. Im also a realist, not in denial of what you have, but you have to keep hope. Hope is what drives us every day. People have come back from the brink of death to live healthy lives, rare I know, but it has happened. Positive things happen to positive people, so keep the faith, keep strong and positive in the face of every adversity that could ever be thrown at an individual and look the end in the eye and challenge it to defeat you. Never say never. Ever. !!

You will be amazed where the inner strength comes from, but it will. Dont see your future as death, see it as a whole list of possibles and you just never know, it might just be. So long as there is a breath in your body, you remain unbeaten, so keep breathing, keep the blogs going, I love em, and remember, you have thousands upon thousands thinking of you and wishing you the best there is to wish a fellow human being. Youre a normal guy, and good looking too I might add, wanting a normal life. Dare to dream and hope and that way you may have been robbed of some dignities and normalities, but you have never been robbed of your positives. And my final word. Its not the first time youve been here in this beautiful world, and it wont be the last. The learning goes on with each lifetime. That I KNOW.

Sending my love and positive thoughts to you. I think you are a genuinely decent, humble, but caring, and fun loving human being. (and yes I am on the Anthony Nolan register, have been for over 10 years).

Warmest Hugs and Wishes.

Wendy x

I saw you today on channel 5 news and I just had to look up your blog. I hold my hand up I did not realise just how simple donating bone marrow was. I really did think it was painful and complicated. I have a feeling your interview with Natasha reached out to many more people just like me who did not have a clue about your diesese.

You should hold your head up high and be very pround of what you have achieved. I wish you all the very best.

Marie

Dear Adrian,

I was asked by a friend of mine to read your blog. The thing is my little godson has been diagnosed with Leukemia and as a family we are devastated by this and by the fact that he is only 1 years old.

I have been very affected by his diagnosis and what kind of life he will have. I wonder constantly what we could do to make it better and then I read your blog. It has made me cry, laugh and outright giggle. I am so glad that you decided to stay on this side of the tunnel and I hope that you have the best time possible. Its people like you who gives us hope and who reminds us what's really precious. You have opened the lid on some many taboo or poorly explained situations related to cancer but also life and I hope you stay with us as long as you can.

Karen

You're too young to die Adrian! Get watching SKY channel 761 (or around there). Lakeland, Florida is having a healing revival. God is healing people in their thousands! And you don't have to go to Florida - people watching via internet and telly are getting out of wheelchairs, cancers are being healed, ears are popping open, it's awesome! Give God a chance Adrian - why not? I'm praying for you - I have two sons your age. I tell you, it's not over till it's over!

Adrian - forgot to say in my last message; revival in Florida is aired about 8pm to early hours of morning, there's at least an hour of worship before the guy (Todd Bentley) comes on but it's all worth watching. I live in Sheffield and have been watching the programme on sky for a couple of weeks now- do try it, eh?
Babs

Adrian,
I hope you are doing ok.
Remember everyone one is thinking of you.

Best Wishes.
Kay

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Liam McNeilis published on April 18, 2008 2:03 PM.

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