Plunged into despair, buoyed by incandescent hope, crushed by another set-back, fighting illness and misery from all quarters, stuck in an impossible situation yet life remains rich with possibility; determined not to let this disease beat me.
What a pretentious gob shite.
Now let's get down to business.
The chronic Graft versus Host Disease (cGvHD) is back under control and the steroid dose has been reduced to 10mg a day. So far there has been a slight rash and my skin is a little drier but nothing else.
I also have stopped needing to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. Bonus.
What is important for people to understand is that some sufferers from cGvHD NEVER make a full recovery. This condition wrecks lives and if it is really debilitating can make your life beyond miserable.
I've heard tales from many people, while being treated at Rotherham, and from around the globe thanks to a cGvHD mailing list and you realise it's rather depressing stuff.
Endless cycles of steroids, immune system surpression, infection and very unpleasant complications.
And of course no one's heard of cGvHD- loads of people give you sympathy when you've got leukaemia!
But bear in mind a small amount of this bloody thing will actually stop the cancer returning. One fellow cGvHD sufferer, who has lived for years after his transplant and still going strong, says he has actually come to love his cGvHD for that very reason.
I had a very positive meeting with my consultant at Rotherham yesterday.
He says he is determined to get me off the steds and that my face should start deflating at doses below 10mg. Not an actual quote.
Learning more about the nature of cGvHD is also interesting.
He describes it as an 'undulating ocean with peaks and troughs'. Imagine the steroid dose as being a line that increasingly approaches the peaks of the waves.
As the dose drops further, the wave tips start to burst through the steroid line, and you can see this on the surface of your skin.
The disease will naturally rise and fall in a cyclical pattern. I need to learn what is 'normal' for me and spot it before it spirals hideously out of control.
It seems to move around the body and affect different people in different ways.
For example the hairs on my legs have all but gone yet my arms remain ape-like.
My consultant explained that cGvHD can hit the scalp too and cause permanent hair loss there due to scarring and damage of the hair follicles.
Why this all happens, and why different people are affected so differently, remains a mystery.
As for me here is a real life dilemma.
I would really value your opinions on this one.
I'm in a great position at the moment in that I can work from home but still have time to exercise and look after myself.
If I was a teacher or builder with cGvHD this would be much harder.
A job has come up at the Huddersfield Examiner (the paper I work for) which is basically head of multi-media. If it wasn't for cGvHD it would be the perfect promotion for me.
Here are some of the cool things we've done with the site since I got back to work:
The job would be really challenging and I've got lots to offer. The money would also help considerably what with me and Pops looking to marry and buy a house.
But the job needs someone to be in the office - which I understand. The reason I have only had one major infection since November is because I have been so sensible in staying at home.
The other point, which I have talked to the editor about, is that I could get taken seriously ill at any point and be away from work for weeks - if not longer.
And then there is also the possibility of the leukaemia coming back.
My current position allows me to fit work around treatments whereas in the new role that would be a bit more difficult.
Trinity Mirror (the company I work for) have been tremendously supportive to me throughout my illness and I don't want to take on a job that I am unable to give 100% to.
I would be interested to know what you all think.
Finally a big shout out to the journalism students at Sheffield College.
I was asked to go along and speak to them the other day about blogging and online journalism.
When I was at journalism college in Harlow we had a sub-editor from the Mirror come in and talk to us so I hope they weren't too disappointed when old fat head rolled into their classroom.