Bone marrow results

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I thought nothing could shock me after everything I have been through in the last 18 months.

Then I finally got the news today from my most recent bone marrow sample.

Please bear in mind this test was carried out before I went mental and stopped taking my pills.

At that stage I was taking the drug Glivec which should be effective against the chronic/strange form of the disease.

But, as regular readers will know from my weekly whinges, I have also had that post transplant complication known as Graft versus Host Disease.

Collectively, these bad boys should have stopped any leukaemia from returning.

Well today was a bit of a shocker to say the least.

Not only have we been unsuccessful at forcing the chronic condition into retreat but it has also got worse.

The cells at a molecular level are showing multiple and complex genetic abnormalities.

The bone marrow transplant has effectively failed.

I could see from my medical team that they were really surprised by the results too.

This wierd chronic, proliferative disorder, has been the bain of my treatment from the start. It was the reason why chemotherapy failed and I had to have a transplant.

It's survived tons of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a new immune system intent on hunting it out.

It's like the Chuck Norris of cancers.

If these results had been from a sample taken later I would have blamed myself for not taking the drugs and for allowing my mind to be defeated.

But this had nothing to do with it. The results are from a sample taken five weeks ago.

For new readers to this blog I sometimes wonder if you think I am making this shite up. My life has gone crazy and seems to derail spectacularly every seven to 12 days.

I wish I was making all this up. I promise you, up until l was 25 I had a fairly steady existence which included a girlfriend, going to work, going out and playing football once a week with colleagues.

Now I'm like a character in Hollyoaks, just slightly less attractive.

The plan now is I have to go back into hospital on Monday for an 'emergency' bone marrow sample.

The doctors will look at that and ask:

1. Can we see the leukaemia in the bone marrow cells under a microscope?

If the answer is yes, then it means there has been a major relapse of the disease and the only likely option would be more chemotherapy.

If the answer is no, there has only been a slight, molecular relapse, then the next question would be:

2. Are these cancerous cells responsive to Glivec?

If the answer to that is yes then I will continue to take a higher dose. I started taking it again today and promptly vomited.

If the answer is no then doctors will consult with research teams to find out if there are any available treatments that may help me.

If there are not then chemotherapy again would be a possibility.

Things may change but at this stage I am very reluctant to go down a route involving any more intensive therapy.

We are reaching the stage where we have to honestly ask ourselves would something like chemotherapy actually help or just delay the inevitable.

If it is really bad news then we are looking at weeks to months rather than years.

There are many difficult questions that could lie ahead but until we get the results back from Monday - probably by Wednesday - it's not worth dwelling on them.

I'm off tomorrow to London on another mini road trip.

Will post an update early next week.

Many thanks again for all the kind comments. I read them all and they do help me a lot.

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45 Comments

Hi Adrian

Keep strong and positive! If anyone on here thinks this is a pile of shite your writing then thay are simply tw**s! Hope the tablets help you and the sickness stops soon! Enjoy your wee road trip and relax.

keep in touch with us all

cheers

derek

Hi Adrian

I'm am sorry to hear your news. It must have been a shock to your system.

Take each day at at time and know that there are so many people who are hoping and praying that you will get better.

Always remember that there are Doctors wanting to cure you with all the medicines they have available for you. I hope you are more on track with your drugs now, they are vital for you. You have so much support from family and friends and from everyone who reads your blog.

Take care and enjoy your trip to London. We will all be thinking of you next week.

Rachel x

Hello Adrian - you are one helluva man going through a terrible time - although not alone. There are many folk reading your amazing story who, like me, feel awful for you and helpless to help you. We can reach out with cyber hugs and kisses and all the good hopes that once again you will have a reprieve from this darn awful cancer. I am awed by you in many more ways than I can express here, your strength is simply awesome. Your life is an inspiration to both those who have cancer and those outside the cancer world. You show immense courage to fight your disease, and with the love of people around you who adore you - you are going to handle this just fine. With many caring thoughts - Kate ( Annie's Sister)

Hi Adrian,

Just wanted to say stick with the anti depressants....don't expect them to kick in straight away it can take 2-4 weeks before you feel the benefits. It'll be worth the wait mate believe me. I wish you well for Monday and will keep everything crossed for you :o).

Keep fighting.

Claire x

Adrian,
I've only just started reading about you, and I was very upset to read that you were previously thinking of taking your own life. I lost my sister last year to a brain tumour, after she had been ill for 6 years, so I understand how the lows (and sometimes highs) can strike.
But don't kill yourself. Your family have enough to contend with.
I admire you for all you're going through, like my sister, you are stronger than you ever would have realised.
Love Lorraine.

Blimey, what a shocker. Try and stay positive and enjoy your trip. I am keeping my fingers crossed for better news in the future.
Can I just say, you sound less down in this post and that is good to see. Keep your chin up! X

Bloody hell Adrian, you just don't seem to get a break!
That is supremely shithouse news...I don't even really know what to say. I guess all I can do is wish you the best of luck for the biopsy, but that seems quite trite.
I can understand the reluctance to have any more intensive treatment. Is the trip to London for a break or more medical stuff?
Kim xo

Hi Adrian,
I haven't written before but have been keeping regular tabs on your blog for the last few months.

Firstly I want to say what an inspirational person you are and how it is wonderful that your experiences and thoughts reach out to so many - especially people in a similar position.

While the fact that your illness has shown up at a molecular level is a set back. DO NOT BE DISHEARTENED. If your medical team realise that Glivec is not working there are many other drugs available. We have many patients at work (Addenbrooke's Cambridge) where Glivec does not work but other similar drugs put them into a full remission. So have faith!!

My best friend had acute Leukaemia diagnosed in his late teens and suffered terribly with GvHD for months after but it got better and is now resolved. So hope for that too.

We will be all thinking about you next week.

Take care Paul

Hello Adrian - I was shocked and saddened to hear your latest news. If all the prayers and thoughts out here are heard then you will find the inner strength to carry on with the battle.

Keep strong.

Elaine xxx

Hi Adrain...

I stumbled on your blog quite by accident....and now I would like to continue reading and interacting ...with your permission!? I can relate to your comments, my sister was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukaemia and her concerns and worries reflect your words. So, would you like another buddy to chat to and allow to read your comments?
Thank you
Best wishes...keep digging in and fighting!!
Jo
x

Hello Adrian.
Hope you are having a good weekend and I can only ask again, please do not give up. I would happily post 100 messages if it would help to make you feel a bit better. Best wishes from Diane.xx

Hi Adrian

I live in Huddersfield and have been following your story ever since I read about your diagnosis in the Examiner. Like everyone else, I can't really find the 'right' words to say because I don't think there are any 'right words', are there? I've tried to put myself in your position, but mentally and emotionally I can't even begin to get there.

The best I can come up with, is to say thank you for writing such provocative, powerful and inspirational words. In this celeb obsessed world of ours, it really is inspirational to read about real people with real lives who rise to the challenge of dealing with what life throws at them with all the gusto they can manage.

Hope with all my heart that the next set of treatments are successful and good to hear you're getting out and about. Enjoy your trip.

Hi Adrian
Enjoy your meal at The Maze. Quite envious when I called in with your Gran today....the place looks real COOL! If Gordon is around maybe he could use a few choice words to frighten away the gremlins that are invading your system. I do hope that your doctors at the hospital can come up with some new trial drug that will fit the bill. It must be of some comfort that you have got such an amazingly dedicated team on your side. What great news from the Reds team and hope that it brought you some pleasure. I am sure that everyone appreciates the effort that you are putting into this blog and we really do think that you are wonderful and deserve a break.
Lots of Love and good wishes Jamie

Hi Adrian,

I have always felt compelled to write to you regarding your blogs, but until now, I've never really known what to write and everything I've wanted to say to you has already been said through other posts. I randomly came across your blog around February and immediately felt I had to read all right from the beginning even though it was way past my bedtime!!

I've been hooked ever since.

Although no-one close to me has cancer, I feel like I have some sort of idea how you feel. Every emotion you have is explained in detail here and I am always amazed just how brave you are. Each word you write will help someone, whether it simply raises an awareness, supports someone who is going through the same sort of thing and for those people around them, such as their family and friends.

I can see that things aren't going so well as hoped right now, but no-one knows what will happen in the future! You mustn't give up Adrian, please keep fighting this. You have changed so many lives of people around the globe with your life, even those that you don't even know exist (me for example!!!)

I'm sure everyone says this but feel free to drop me a line if you want a moan, or chat... I'm very good at talking about nothing in particular if that's what you need right now?!

Enjoy every minute, Charlotte x

Hey Adrian,

You're so right about not dwelling on the 'what ifs'. Until you have all the information about this bugger of a cancer, speculating will only weaken you further.

You've had such shocking news, I was shocked to read it, and yet you still managed to raise a smile from me when I read the Chuck Norris bit. I hope you keep smiling and stay strong, I'll be thinking of you on Monday and hoping for good news.

Catherine x

What an awful piece of news to get- good luck with the sample!

Damn, I wish that there was something to say that could help. You have a lot of people thinking about you.

Adrian, it must feel that round every corner you receive bad news, certainly as someone reading your blog I am constantly amazed at how you deal with and write about your illness.You are right, until you know the facts it is not worth dwelling on the what's, if's and maybe's...one day at a time....keep fighting mate..we are all with you.
Nickix

hi just to wish you all the best for this week thinking of you pamela x

Dear Adrian,
As usual, I will be thinking of you this week and hoping for some better news for you. I'm sure everyone else who reads your blog will be too. I hope that you don't have to wait long for the test results and that they bring the best case scenario. Take care, Jane xxx.

Hi Adrian
Thanks for posting again after your last blog -you sounded so fed up (understanbably) I was worried you wouldn't want to bother blogging again for ages. I read your complete blog the day your story was in the Mail and I couldn't sleep that night for the injustice of it all. You are brilliant AND gorgeous too! If life has any justice at all, you will get over this lot soon, and if prayer and good wishes don't make a difference for you , then there's no hope for any of us, there is SO Much good will towards you....
Try and stay strong - easier said than achieved I know, but you clearly have an amazing spirit - you'll inspire your team to fight all the way for you. Let them and work with them.
I know just a tiny bit how you are feeling - I had a bad reaction to radiotherapy following breast cancer and my immune system started to attack me - I was as if I was living with a bowling ball on my chest - my immune system was trying to reject my breast. So the treatment was massive doses of steroids and I blew up and loaded on weight - I was starving all the time. I was on steroids for two and a half years and developed diabetes as a result of the steroids and the weight gained....but I'm off them now! It can happen. It turned out ok for me I was teaching in an all boys school until one little git was calling me 'Moony' and I realised I risked a sense of humour failure as I wanted to smash his head in so I quit. Love and hugsxx

Hi Adrian, this is the first time I have written and I am so sorry to hear of your bone marrow results. Like you I was diagnosed with 2 types of leukemia in June 2007, I have CML and ALL, so I know just what you have been through however I have not had a stem cell transplant and hoping that chemo along with glivec will help keep it in remission. I am starting on my first maintenance course of chemo tomorrow and have 3 more courses over the next year. My thoughts are with you this week, good luck Maureen

I have your Blog shortcut on my front screen Adrian, as I'm thinking of you every day and hoping you get a good result tomorrow. Keep fighting, don't give up - there are lots of us out here rooting for you.
Jan XXX

Adrian, I really don't know what to say. I'm shocked at how much you have had to deal with...and are still having to deal with. I'll be thinking of you this week.

Julie x

Hi Adrian

Crikies how much more crap can be thrown at you!. I, like the many thousands of people first read about your blog in the "housewives paper", and since reading it, have kept up to date with your progress. I have meant to write something before but haven't got my arse in gear, however after reading your latest news, I just wanted to say all the very best for tomorrow, I know there will be lots of us thinking about you. Let us know how you get on.

Take care

Debs XX

Sorry about your news. I understand your reluctance to doing any heavy treatment again. I know I wouldn't after my transplant.

Wrap your self up in all the people who are there for you and love you. Have some fun, break some rules. Say whatever the f*ck you want. You deserve it.

I also want you to know that I understand about crazy lives. We don't choose them, they choose us.

All the best to you.

i read over your blog today and you are a strong individual. the odds you faced and the hardtimes are unbelievable, but thats your strong point. hang in there a you will be in my prayers. i've been done a hard road before , but please just always hope high and keep your chin up and smile as much as possible. may god bless you.

Aid,

Keep going. Whatever stands in your way knock it down and do your best. There's plenty of us out here thinking of you and wishing you well.

With all of my best wishes

Greg

Hi Adrian
Sending hopes for a smooth bone marrow biopsy tomorrow and a deep and sincere wish for results that are well within the realm of drug treatment.
love and light
and a hug
Annie
Steven's mom
http://livingwithcml.blogspot.com

Hi Adrian,
Was kind of fearing that your latest blog might have bad news from your biopsy. I am very sad to hear you have suffered yet another blow. Like so many others I don't know what to say.
Thinking of you often,
Clare

Stay strong mate. We're all rooting for you. I'll come up to see ya soon.

Hi Adrian

I'm just another person you dont know - who's life is not turmoil but who occassionally has moments when she feels ever so slightly sorry for herself - for to be quiet honest (when i read your blog) - no good reason - today being one of them as i sit at my desk with the sun streaming through the window wishing i was outside! If nothing else having read your blog - next time i have one of these moments i will think of you and just appreciate what i do have.

I have nothing to say that can make any of this any better, except to say everyone who has seen your blogs is moved by your extrodinary courage and ability to face this dreadful disease as honestly and frankly as you do. All i can do is send my heartfelt good wishes to you today and to say i will be thinking of you while you get your results today. I really hope that the news this time is good. Keep your chin up and keep fighting. xx

Stay positive Adrian, I'll be thinking of you all week x

Hi Adrian

As you're reading this, I wish I could pop through your monitor and give you a big hug. I really hope things have gone okay today.

Tash xx

HI ADRIAN, I READ YOUR STORY IN THE SUNDAY PAPER AND WAS REALLY SADDENED TO HEAR ABOUT ALL YOUR HEARTBREAK. YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD LOOKING LAD WITH A LOVELY SMILE AND I REALLY HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
MY SON HAD LEUKAEMIA WHEN HE WAS 11 AND THANK GOD SURVIVED, HE IS NOW 30.
REMEMBER, AS DOLLY PARTON ONCE SAID, YOU HAVE TO HAVE LOTS OF RAIN TO HAVE A RAINBOW SO I HOPE ALL THE TREATMENT YOU HAVE WORKS, I FEEL SURE IT WILL.
I WAS VERY UPSET TO HEAR ABOUT POPPY DUMPING YOU AND I HOPE SHE HAS THE DECENCY TO STILL KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU. IF SHE IS THAT HEARTLESS IT WOULD PROBABLY NEVER HAVE WORKED ANYWAY AND IM SURE THERE ARE DOZENS OF YOUNG GIRLS OUT THERE WHO WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU AS THEIR BOYFRIEND.
I HOPE YOU GET GOOD NEWS THIS WEEK. IM THINKING ABOUT YOU AND PRAYING FOR YOU.
LOVE ANGELA XX

Hi Adrian

I have just watched Calender and saw the news about your results. Iv just ran up stairs to get my laptop, i just felt like i had to write something to you.

Me any my mum have been watching your story since you have been going on calender and everytime your on we listen in tender hucks! We always say, oh he seems so nice, and so brave, and that you always seem to take everything passed to you in your strive!

You are such a nice, good looking lad. Im 21 and if i knew more single lads like you i wouldnt still be single! I think in your last weeks/months you should go and sleep with as manay girls as you can, ha (just kiddin), i hope you do go out and enjoy yourself though, if anyone deserves it its you.

Keep smiling.

Lots of love, Kayley.

Hi Adrian

B'Jasus....I thought my life had been of soap operaesque proportions til I came across your story on Calender.

Your spirit is truly remarkable!

Your "public face" is charasmatic,fun and very, very likeable.

However,it's the wee small hours that can catch up with a soul.
Stay strong.

Faith goes...Love buggers off...but Hope is the last to give up on.

I'm thinking of you,(along with the rest of your hoards of admirors)and send you BIG love.

love jx

Hi , Adrian im really sad to hear its back you must have been sooo shocked when you got the news !!! i sort of know how you feel since my 4 year old sister has had cancer as well and she had to have a BMT as well she also had a lot of trouble with gvhd and has two more weeks of meds left. it will be a year since the transplant on the 23rd of may , seeing you on 5 news last night reminds me how lucky eva is me and my family are so sad that you got bad news from your bone marrow test . Eva had her 'Mr wiggerly' out last tuesday and a bone marrow test so fingers crossed as ever , i wish you all the best xx

Mia Winston-Hart Age 11

Adrian,

I just came across your blog today and I was so very sad to read about what you're going through; but I must say that you are by far the most courageous person! And while I find no words of comfort...(nor are there any) stay strong! I wish the very best for you now and always!
Lots of love

Eva

Hi Adrian.

I watched you on BBC this morning and i felt i just had to write something on here. I'm 23 and in remission for Philadelphia positve acute lymphoblastic leukemia, having had a stem cell transplant in june last year. i totally understand everything you've been through and how hard it is. I also can fully understand and respect your brave decision to not have anymore treatment. I think if i was in your position i would do the same, because chemo is a living nightmare! At the moment i'm coming out the other side of a mild case of GVHD, and battling with Glivec but i guess i shouldn't moan.

Anyway, i think what you're doing about raising awareness about bone marrow donation is fantastic. You are truly inspirational!!

Take care

Claire x

hi
sorry to hear that things have not gone well
my son to had ALL and all the treatment thrown at him. reading you blogg is like hearing the news all over again.Its just not fair I am running the race for life in june I run it every year for Aaron. This year I be thinking of you too. How is you mum ? send her my love I know just how hard it must be for her at the moment xxx

Hi Adrian, life is just a demo like a computer game. Someone has programmed the game into 2, demo and full version. You can say there are hackers in this world who "research" to get the full version.

What I am trying to say, life isn't easy. There is struggle even for the people who are perfectly healthy.

I advice you to read the below and think about life after death, time is precious. Try to get the key to get the full version of life.

Brief introduction to Quran

God has given us several Books of guidance through the years. Each Book essentially contained the same fundamental message as the previous Books. Mankind was expected to guard these Books from harm, but unfortunately failed to live up to this expectation. Many of the Books were edited and tampered with, destroying its authenticity. This is partly why God kept sending us more revelations.

However, almost 1400 years ago, God sent us another Book, named the Quran, with the same basic message as the earlier ones, but with a small but very important difference. This time, God decreed that this Book would be the last Book sent down to us because God would protect it Himself. Regarding this Final Book, God said, "Behold, it is We Ourselves who have bestowed from on high this reminder: and behold, it is We who shall truly guard it" [15:9]

Today, if we compare the 114 chapters in every copy of this Final Book with each other, we will find they match perfectly word for word - from the oldest copies made 1300-plus years ago to the ones printed just a few hours ago. No human hand has changed it.

When God appoints a Prophet he also gives him some clear signs or a miracle to convince his people that he is indeed the Prophet of God. For example, Moses (Peace be upon him) was given a wand which when dropped would become a snake (20:19) Or for Jesus (Peace be upon him) the ability to give life to a dead person in certain occasions (5:110) etc. These miracles are only evident only during the lifetime of that Prophet. But, for a prophet who God has decided to be the Last Prophet has to be given a miracle which a generation can pass on to the next and so on until the end of world. That is The Holy Quran. It was revealed to Prophet Mohammed (Peace be upon him) during his 23 years of Prophethood. Quran in its Arabic form is unchallenged in its rhythm and beauty. Smallest chapter of the Quran contains only 3 sentences where as largest chapter spans 1/15 th of the whole Quran. Quran challenges to those who disbelieve in it to produce a single chapter comparable to it (2:23,17:88). More than 1400 years have passed since Prophet Muhammad(Peace be upon him) and the challenge of Quran still remains. We also find in the Quran many scientific facts that are established only in recent centuries.

"We will soon show them our signs in the Universe and in their own souls, until it will become quite clear to them that it is the truth. Is it not sufficient as regards your Lord that He is a witness over all things?"-41:53

Any translation of the Quran cannot be equated with the Quran in its original Arabic form. But it is only a means to give a glimpse of the Quran to those unfamiliar with Arabic language. Many of the verses can be understood directly but certain verses can be understood only by knowing the historical and other related background. If possible, readers have to refer to other popular commentaries as well. Readers are urged to study the Quran in Arabic in order to appreciate its true beauty.

Best Regards,
SaMm

Hi Adrian! I recently found out about you situation coincidently through the internet. My fiancee was in the same situation has you. Sadly I lost the love of my life close to 7 months ago to leukemia. He went through this battle for 5 years. Its hard to go through so many battles but you can win the war. Stay positive and keep close to God. I applaud you for speaking out and making people aware of this disease and what they can do to those other of millions of people diagnosed with this. My prayers are with you.

Mel

Hello Adrian,

Well I am a new reader to your blog and your story as of today. I have a chronic disease that I have been battling for years. I have also had a scare last year that lasted over 6 months with test after test. I get it but not completely....

I have to admire you for what you have done, really making people in the UK aware and now it seems all over the world and one being in Canada, me.

Your spirit is truely amazing and your selfishness is is even greater. I admire your strength to start and continue with this blog as it is a hugh commitment you have taken on to help others.

I guess you are called an inspiration to us all as you only hear of stories like this once in a blue moon, how lucky I am and we are to have somehow stumbled upon your story and by reading about it, we are now aware or more aware of the situation not just in your country but in mine as well.

I know this may sound funny but when you said that you were from Shefield I had to have a little chuckle and wonder what your life was like there as I have always watched Coronation Steet and it reminded me of that. You are an inspiration to us all and I hope that we can all learn from your experiences. By the way I love your accent.

I wish you all the best and thankyou,

Kim
Canada

Adrian - as a fellow CMLer I understand. But please keep positive - you have so much to give.

Lorraine Rollo x

Hi Adrian,

I just found out about your situation, I can not say enough how inspired I am about your courage and the steps you are taking to help others.You will be in my thoughts and prayers so I believe are many others out there. Just hand on there and do not give up.

When you get time search for the Last Lecture from an amazing and inspiring Professor in a similar situation.

Thank you for sharing your story it gives hope to others and give them strength to keep fighting.

Best regards and take care.

Grace, USA

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This page contains a single entry by Adrian Sudbury published on May 9, 2008 10:45 PM.

The drugs don't work... was the previous entry in this blog.

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