I thought nothing could shock me after everything I have been through in the last 18 months.
Then I finally got the news today from my most recent bone marrow sample.
Please bear in mind this test was carried out before I went mental and stopped taking my pills.
At that stage I was taking the drug Glivec which should be effective against the chronic/strange form of the disease.
But, as regular readers will know from my weekly whinges, I have also had that post transplant complication known as Graft versus Host Disease.
Collectively, these bad boys should have stopped any leukaemia from returning.
Well today was a bit of a shocker to say the least.
Not only have we been unsuccessful at forcing the chronic condition into retreat but it has also got worse.
The cells at a molecular level are showing multiple and complex genetic abnormalities.
The bone marrow transplant has effectively failed.
I could see from my medical team that they were really surprised by the results too.
This wierd chronic, proliferative disorder, has been the bain of my treatment from the start. It was the reason why chemotherapy failed and I had to have a transplant.
It's survived tons of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a new immune system intent on hunting it out.
It's like the Chuck Norris of cancers.
If these results had been from a sample taken later I would have blamed myself for not taking the drugs and for allowing my mind to be defeated.
But this had nothing to do with it. The results are from a sample taken five weeks ago.
For new readers to this blog I sometimes wonder if you think I am making this shite up. My life has gone crazy and seems to derail spectacularly every seven to 12 days.
I wish I was making all this up. I promise you, up until l was 25 I had a fairly steady existence which included a girlfriend, going to work, going out and playing football once a week with colleagues.
Now I'm like a character in Hollyoaks, just slightly less attractive.
The plan now is I have to go back into hospital on Monday for an 'emergency' bone marrow sample.
The doctors will look at that and ask:
1. Can we see the leukaemia in the bone marrow cells under a microscope?
If the answer is yes, then it means there has been a major relapse of the disease and the only likely option would be more chemotherapy.
If the answer is no, there has only been a slight, molecular relapse, then the next question would be:
2. Are these cancerous cells responsive to Glivec?
If the answer to that is yes then I will continue to take a higher dose. I started taking it again today and promptly vomited.
If the answer is no then doctors will consult with research teams to find out if there are any available treatments that may help me.
If there are not then chemotherapy again would be a possibility.
Things may change but at this stage I am very reluctant to go down a route involving any more intensive therapy.
We are reaching the stage where we have to honestly ask ourselves would something like chemotherapy actually help or just delay the inevitable.
If it is really bad news then we are looking at weeks to months rather than years.
There are many difficult questions that could lie ahead but until we get the results back from Monday - probably by Wednesday - it's not worth dwelling on them.
I'm off tomorrow to London on another mini road trip.
Will post an update early next week.
Many thanks again for all the kind comments. I read them all and they do help me a lot.