Baldy's Blog

Adrian - what an arse, really sorry to hear this, and nothing I can say will make any difference, however remembering one of my favourite quotes from John Updike

"Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them"

blatant apology for sounding a little 'don't worry it'll be alright'

Rob :(

Just stay strong and remember you have all our support.

Dear Adrian,

I have been fascinated by your blog for sometime now, and when I heard of your heartbreak, my tears welled up. I am not totally clueless in what you are going through as I am a mom whose son had a stem cell transplant (double cord blood) for cml five years ago. Gleevec did not work for him and the new alternative drugs weren’t yet available. Plus there was no match for him. The adult double cord blood was highly experimental. As you probably know, cord blood is more “forgiving” than bone marrow. He had his transplant when he turned 20 years old and he is now 25. He is a high school math teacher in Denver, Colorado.

The one thing I have learned is the rapidity of medical breakthroughs, not only for transplant success but for gvhd treatments as well. The second thing I learned is that you must think about how your experience can help others. You have been a master at the second with your wonderful blog. Helping others can only help you. As a mom, I continually waited for the “other shoe to drop” but because I volunteered with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, and frequently talk to moms whose kids have leukemia, I am doing much better.

We have a young man in our support group who had ALL. He is almost 30 now. He had his transplant about 6 years ago and he had everything (other than death) go wrong. He was in and out of the hospital with one catastrophe after another. GVHD took away his ability to walk. The support group got him involved in a special exercise program for cancer patients and today he is walking with only the occasional use of a cane. He has been cancer free, but like you will need cataract surgery. He is now back to work as a computer programmer. He is now finally off the prednisone!

You have so much to give. I know I sound like a typical mom, but some girl, someday, will love and appreciate your beautiful heart.

My dear Adrian

I don`t know what to say - words are meaningless really.
What a star Poppy was & continues to be for you.It takes real courage to face up to the truth no matter how hard & difficult it is for you both.

But you are by no means alone as you face your leukaemia & the treatment it requires.
You will feel low - all this is normal but time is needed here. Try not to think of the future too much - it will send you mad.Take a day at a time - it`s an old saying but very relevant for you.Hang on to life - it`s very precious and all your friends & family will provide welcome support.

You will have some wonderful memories of your time with Poppy & these will sustain you in the days ahead.

Keep going, my friend.

Best Wishes as always to you & your family

Liz

Oh Adrian

How absolutely sad - sad for you and Poppie and everyone that loves you both. It certainly appears that you have one seriously major black cloud thundering right above your head.

There IS no way out - 'cause you simply have to see it through.....no matter how rough it is, going through it IS the only way out.

Who knows how this will all turn out, and even though your list of bad points is so much longer, and as real as, your list of good points - its the 'good point list' that will be there pushing and shoving, loving and laughing, holding you and crying with you as you muddle through this time of being lost - you already know that.

I am tremendously sorry to hear this news, Adrian, and wish with all my heart that there is something I could say to make it easier on you - there just simply is not.

Breathe and just be. Just Be. And then one day what will be, Will Be.

Sending you a big gentle cyber hug and a sincere hope that you won't be too lost for too awfully long.

Love and a really good dollop of light
Annie
Steven's mom
http://livingwithcml.blogspot.com

Adie you'll never have to be on your own everyone thinks so much of you and we'll all do whatever we can to help you through this, whatever it takes.
I've already said this to you, but if anyone can get through this, its you.

Adrian, you are an intelligent, caring, humourous, delightful young man - we now have to add courageous.

You are absolutely right the phrase "don't worry it's going to be alright" is clearly inappropriate. However, perhaps we just have to start to think of another approach - it is just going to be "different".

This may seem totally ridiculous with all the emotions and heartbreak you have gone and are going through.

However, Adrian, never forget the attributes mentioned above are absolutely amazing in a young man now, and will continue to be so.

I am so sorry to hear about your breakup on top of everything else.

And there's nothing wrong with being angry and devastated when the universe keeps throwing one thing after another at you. At times I think that it helps to take it one minute or an hour at a time- sometimes even a day at a time seems like forever.

It sounds like you have wonderful friends who are there for you- don't be afraid to ask them for help, and I hope that you can find some small things to take pleasure in that will give you a bit of relief at times.

Dear Adrian, so sad to hear about this, I know that you will survive through this though as you have survived through the last year and a half. Its really hard for you and also Poppy at this sad time, I am thinking of you both. PS we are all here for you, don`t forget that, not much consolation I know.. Love Dawn xxx

Hi Adrian,
You haven't been far from my thoughts since I read your sad blog yesterday.
Why is it that all I can think of to say is Shit, Shit, Shit - what a horrible lot of things are going wrong for you.
I think the responses from others on your blog are great.....I too am thinking along the lines of advice to just keep breathing and existing from one minute, to one hour, to one day.........until hope for future sneaks back into your life.
Along the lines of a special request Adrian; would it be possible for you to keep a detailed journal of your experiences and feelings? Keep the blog going but also keep a more detailed daily record that could maybe one day be turned into a book which could help those with similar experiences not feel so alone.
You have a fabulous ability to describe the cancer/transplant/post transplant experience. You give voice to so many others who are also suffering terrible consequences on their personal life, careers and health.
Just as an aside Adrian, I am wondering if you are on anti depressants. They were described by one of Ian's doctors as a MUST for anyone undergoing a transplant and coping with its long term consequences.
Ian is dyslexic and prior to his transplant, worked as a maintenance man at a golf course. He loved it - lots of machinery to drive and fresh air. Now he has lost the ability to do manual work but has discovered air brushing. He was always very good at art and it has proved to be an area that has once again given his life purpose. He has orders to air brush motor bike helmets and tanks.
Ian was once a party boy, popular with the girls and the centre of a large group of friends. He has lost that part of his life but has developed other interests and plans for the future. It has been a struggle both physically and emotionally but his life has slowly but surely gained purpose and pleasure.
Ian once said to me "if I hadn't got sick I would probably be dead by now." His love of partying and fast cars might have finished him off! That statement made me laugh but also put his illness in a slightly different light for me!!!!
Sending you the very best vibes I can from the other side of the world,
Clare

Hi Adrian,

Just to let me know we were really sad and shocked to read whats happened.
We are both thinking of you and sending you our love,

Katherine and David Gibson (from Caroline and James wedding) x

The fact you think that you'll never marry and no one will want you is preposterous. You are miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnt (hope you can recall that reference - if not I feel foolish). I'm not going to say all that "chin up" rubbish because I know it won't do any good at the moment but I will say there is always a spare room for you in our gaff - a few cheesy nights out with some delightful Welshies. I'll come along too!

Lots of love

Michelle
xxx

Dear Adrian,

First - breathe,
Second - cry as loud and as long and as hard as you feel like
Third - Back up and only think about in the "near future"
Fourth - Know that you are still you inside: a warm, loving, open, amazing, gem of a human and LOVEABLE to so many of us. If you were in St. Louis I know a mom, dad, 17yr old brother, 16yr old sister, 4yr little brother, and 11yr kindred spirit who whose eyes have been opened and easily see your beauty and worth. Each of us would gladly and with great honor slather goop on your wounds and help you see who you are on the inside AND outside that makes you beautiful to us. Adrian, we love you but understand your heartache and the compassion you feel for Poppy. As you indicate, "Blame has no place here." Just finding a way to survive this heartbreak for you both, and mining happiness and HOPE that will give you an abundant life worth fighting for again and again
Perhaps a trip to Missouri is in your best interest? You can stay with us!
Love Amy and the Patrick Clan (Ryan's peeps)

Dear Adrian,
I haven't written before, but I have read your blog. My son went through a BMT for CML. He is now 19. He will be 3 years post-transplant on 5/05/08. He went through hell with GVH and other complications for two years. I am writing to say that his worst time was weaning off the prednisone. This was hard on him physically and emotionally. I relate this because he was depressed when he was coming off the prednisone. I echo Clare when she asked if you are taking anti-depressants. I don't want to be a pill pusher, but these really helped my son.

As for the break-up - I am very sorry for your heart-ache. I wish I could help. You are already helping others so much by posting your blog. I am so thankful for your postings.

From my isolation room can I just say how sorry I am. I hope you can work through this, people soon get very tired when you are so sick. I have had a recent break up, lost my mum and have GvH at the moment. I can't see too much light but I think if I moan too much I will lose all my friends. I just hope you come through.

Laura x

Hi Adrian,

Boy do I have a lot to say and comment about. I want you to read this entire thing even if you think that it may be a bit harsh at times.

You have to remember that I have also gone through a bone marrow transplant more then 19 years ago, and also went through everything that you went through EXCEPT FOR ONLY ONE THING. I will get into this in a minute...

I feel that I have the "right" to be able to make some comments to you because I have experienced so much going through all of this. I have also seen just about everything you or anyone else can think of. However, only the actual person, or their care giver will know exactly what I'm talking about.

With that said, it's down to "business". First of all you just may be a very lucky man because of what I have already seen many times. Yes, I know that your heart is broken from the recent break up of your relationship. This very same thing also happened to my very dear friend Gloria afert having to go through a bone marrow transplant. But think about what could have happened if you were already married and something like this would have happened.

Remember, that I have seen this in the past with a lot of victims of cancer. Sometimes their spouce, or girl/boy friend just can't or doesn't want to deal with these problems even if they say that it really doesn't matter to them, and eventually they just leave. In my opinion it is better that something like this happened now and not later on when you would be even more venerable. I first mentioned that I went through everything you did EXCEPT FOR ONLY ONE THING, and that was my wife never abandoned me.

She never did because this is how she is, and not only that but she was my caregiver, sometimes carrying me into the shower and stand there holding me and washing me, then holding me up when I couldn't even stand, and gently putting me back into bed. She did all of this and much, much more because this is what she wanted to do no matter what.

It is a very rare thing to be able to find a person such as she, and this is what I'm trying to make you understand. YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW SOMEONE as you might think you do unless they also share in those bad times with you, and stay with you no matter what.

Adrian, you will come back, and so what if you need cataract surgery. I also did from the radiation. I had it and it was no big deal afterward. This surgery was well worth me being able to see and enjoy my life after all of this.

My point is that I am here still living after 19 years, dealing with GVHD and SO WHAT! I'm hear dealing with what I have to, AND living my life and enjoying every minute of it, and SO SHOULD YOU!!!

You know what I disliked the most about your post? It was number 7. You wrote "Very unlikely that I will ever get better".

How wrong you are!!!!

You also said that you feel feel revolting. Adrian, your only in your twenties. Hey, I am now almost sixty four years old and if I thought like you about all of these "nasties" then I probably wouldn't be here now writing this to you.

You also said that you don't know what to do now. I do know what you need to do now, and that is to get yourself going in mind and spirt and just go on.

You just have to get your life back on track and be able to deal with what you think are such big problems, when in fact you will see that after a while that is exactly what your going to do.

I have read some of the posts that people are kind enough to be sending you, and if you really look into what they are trying to tell you, you will see that your a very talented individual that has a lot to give to this world, and yourself.

When I was fourty five years old I had a teriffic job as the head engineer for a major electronics company. I was making a lot of money and very happy at what I was doing.

THEN I got sick with Leukemia and I thought that the whole world fell out right from under me. Now I look back and do you want to know what I see? What I see is what you are now seeing, and know just how wrong I was then.

Adrian, I am not here to hold your hand, but what I am here for is to try and make you understand that what you think about yourself now is dragging you down.

I was reading both your good points and only counted two. Then I read all of the bad points you have listed and found fourteen of them.

This sort of reminds me of something that I tell to people that are going or have gone through what your now going through.

It is about a childs See-Saw. Your on one side with all of those bad things on there with you. What happens? Your on the ground with little hope of ever getting up again because everything in on your shoulders and weighing you down.

Now you start putting some of those good things on the other side of that See-Saw. Things like your family and friends, your job and colleagues at the Huddersfield Examiner.

Now what begins to happen? That other side of the See-Saw starts adding up, and tips a bit in your favor. Having a good family and so many friends makes that other side weigh a lot in your favor.

Now I know that you have more then only two good points in your life, so why not start adding them on that other side as well?

Do you remember that email I sent you about "The Window"? Why don't you try peering out of it the same way I did when I was living in that plastic bubble and really see what's out ther for you?

In five or ten years from now you will see that things that you thought were so terrible now will just be something that you knew you dealt with, and you will be happy about how things turned out.

Your friend,

Marty

Hi Adrian

Just wanted to add how very sad we were to hear this. No real advice from here other than take it one day at a time - tomorrow is another day.

Blessings

David
www.teamhartley.co.uk
www.xlpresearchtrust.org

Hey Adrian,

I am saddened to hear your latest news just days after I first found your blog and commented on it. I know how hard it must be to stay positive but that's really all you can do, or else there's no point coming through the leukaemia and the GvH. As I said in my previous post, my boyfriend has just had a stem cell transplant and went thru the TBI like you. It has been 5 days since the transplant and things seem to be going well at the moment. He was as high as a kite on friday and saturday - awake all day and watching films, playing with his juggling balls and cracking jokes. He has become more tired recently and getting down about the isolation. Reading your blog and watching your videos has made me a little scared of what's to come as I know that most of your problems didn't start til after this stage. However, I just have to remember that everyone is different and I can't dwell on what might happen, all I can do is deal with every situation as it happens.

From your posts I admired Poppy and the strength and support she offered you throughout your treatment. I still admire her despite feeling disappointed by the outcome. I am pretty damn sure that her love for you was very real and that like you will always have for her, she will always hold a special place for you in her heart. I wrote a poem last week, when watching my boyfriend go through the gruelling chemo and TBI. I wanted to share it with you as it gives a partner's perspective. You are not to blame Adrian for anything, neither is she. It's this crappy disease that has done it and neither you or her asked for it.

SEE YOU IN A WHILE:

"To look at you last week, you did not show,
all of the pain you had to know.
Your eyes lit up, your boyish grin,
your arms wide open to let me in.

I miss my Ross now - where have you gone?
Wherever you are, please don't be too long.
It's like you're there but in your eyes I don't see,
the person you are that you made known to me.

I see your frustration and pain written over your face,
the clock ticking by with time gone to waste.
Why did it have to happen to you?
Being so young,strong and healthy, only age 22?

I never really know what to expect,
my stomach churns with anticipation of what I'll see next.
I can't let myself get sucked into this hole,
from the tunnel to the world each day I roll.

It feels like you've gone away - I miss you so much!
I long for your words, I ache for your touch.
I want you to make it all go away,
but this time you can't, I'm on my own for today.

Not sure how many more "today's" there'll be,
I've got to stay strong both for you and for me.
I know there's a future for us together,
I feel my love for you could go on forever.

It's this that we have to focus on,
when we are down and not feeling too strong.
I know it's all worth it for the prize at the end,
but it's killing me now, I find it hard to pretend.

I hope in your dreams you can feel free and smile,
as for the real Ross, I'll see him in a while."

Hi Adrian

No need to add any more - what a wonderful poem and words from Hayley.
You surely must get inspiration from all these great comments.

Take Care

Best Wishes to you & your family

Liz

Hi Adrian
My name is Jessica. I am from Hull so not too far from you. I have been going through treatment for 4yrs now for Hodgkins disease including a stem celll transplant in 06, a bone marrow transplant in leeds 6 months ago, plus a month of mantle radiotherapy which I finished 2 weeks ago. I was 23 when I was first diagnoised in Sydney (oz) I was 3 months into my year round the world trip. I had just had the most amazing time in South East Asia with 4 of my best mates. I also met one of their bothers out there (Paul) who I am still with now. We both understand the pressures that can come in a relationship in our situations and primarily wanted to let you know that we massively sympathise with your current situation(although sympathy is probably the last thing a positive person like yourself needs or wants!!!)
Also there is no reason why you won't find love again especially judging by your photo. Believe me I know what it feels like to suffer with GVHD and the skin problems it causes and if i was'nt with paul I would be more then happy to rub cream in your back and let you rub it on mine(which needs to be done about every 2 minutes some days so atleast you would build up some strength in ya arms!!!)
Anyways please remember the bad days never last longer than 24hours and that we are thinking of you. Please feel free to get in touch if you need a new friend!!!!!
Lots of Love Jess (and Paul)

adrian i know we dont know each other but believe me when i write how truely sorry i am, im a little choked about it. Ive been following you as an inspiration for a while, i know you will continue to be so.
Neil

Hello my love just to say you continue to be in our thoughts....what amazing people are responding to your blog....I have especially got caught up in Marty`s..another star out there shining alongside so many others. We cannot think of any more words to describe what a wonderful person you are and won`t keep on saying it but you are...love you to bits and if The Great Bagso could wave a magic wand he would...I will make sure he keeps practising...lots of hugs and kisses from Uncle Brian and Aunty Lucy xxxxx

Adrian,

So sorry to hear your latest news. Our hearts go out to you.

Even in your grief, your writing is as strong and gripping as ever.

So from me and the journalism students here at Sheffield College, who enjoyed meeting you and hearing your talk, we wish you peace.

Jan

Dear Adrian,
After 18 comments, I think you got pretty much everything what people can say to you. I am not a sweet talk person and I don't know you well enough to be harsh with you. But If I am your close friend and I lived in England, I would give you so much shit or beat the miserable face out of you until you stop saying stupid things!

Just saying....,no need to be afraid. (Grin)

Let's be serious, I know the feeling in thinking being alone for as long as I live and I will never get better that sort of thoughts...I went through some deep and dark feelings and I thought death was better than being alive. When I was undergoing the treatments, my mother was the only person that I could count on and there were not many good friends around. I felt so isolated from the real world and felt completely lost, not knowing where to look for hope and the purpose for keeping on going. You are lucky to have someone like Poppy to loved you when you were in the most vulnerable place in your life. The truth is, you need to stand on your own feet now and try not to feel so unloved. You have a whole family to support and love you, and I believe your friends are doing the same. For some people, that's what they need the most.

People come and go. You had her love and that's good enough. There is no forever and never say never! You have no idea what lies in front of you, Adrian. You will end up being with a more suitable woman and adopt a cutest kid when you are 30 years old. That's one hope to look forward to and it isn't impossible.

I know you are probably just expressing your sadness, so I don't blame you for being self-pity. I understand your situation and I just hope you can get yourself out of this dark hole as soon as possible. Getting DRUNK is NOT the solution!! I can't believe that you are still thinking about get drunk....that's certainly not the right way to be healthy. I hope you were joking!

You can not think of yourself as the way you used to be anymore! Your body went through and still going through so much. Adrian, you need to try to accept what you can do at the moment, maybe try to give yourself a break from thinking "normal" (There is no such thing as normal!). My mother always said to me in Chinese - your heart is too big for your body. I am 26 years old and I wanted to do so many things...but reality does not accord with hopes. I am still learning and trying to accept what life brings. I think the best part about life is I still get to see so many beautiful things, even though I am not as healthy and fit as "normal" people! Think about what you have and that will really helps to get through some difficult times.

That's enough for now, I don't know what else I can say to comfort your heart-ache. It will heal as long as you let yourself.
I wish you all the best and please take good care of yourself
Elin

adrian, i forgot to mention in my post - you are a beautiful man on the inside and out. you will have no problems finding people who could easily fall in love with you xxxx

Adrian,

So sorry to hear about whats happened. Take it one day at a time and if you fancy coming over to Liverpool anytime me, Liam and the gang are here waiting to buy you a pint xx

I think you are quite possibly one of the bravest people I have ever come across.
What you have been through is enough to try the strongest of people. If it had been me, I am sure I would have whined and moaned and cried my way through it. Not you. You are a fighter.
Your latest entry sounds like you are at your absolute lowest point and my heart really goes out to you.
There is nothing I can say to make you feel better and it is not my place to. I have only met you once. I also have no experience of illness so horrible and it seems dreadfully inadequate to say anything like "Don't worry. It will be alright."
Like anyone of a certain age, I have experience of heartbreak and I know how devastated I would be if I lost Richard. But I sense that for you, this is more than losing a soul mate - you have lost your hope and your dreams and that is tragic for someone who has always been so positive - even when faced with some desperate situations.
The only thing I can suggest is that you focus on the friends and family that love you. Concentrate on those that are hurting on your behalf and routing for you to mend you heart as well as get better.
I'm not sure you realise how many lives and hearts you have touched with this blog. You are an extraordinary person in so many ways - open, honest, charming - all of which I picked up on after spending just a couple of hours with you.
My thoughts are with you and have been every day since Richard told me your sad news.
I'm sure he would join me in sending our love and best wishes.

Dear Adrian,

I'm so very, very sorry.

Just keep holding on; one day it won't hurt quite so much as it's hurting you today.

All these people are thinking of you, wanting to help, wanting to make things better for you - and the really sad thing is that none of us can actually do anything much to take away the pain you're feeling at the moment. But we'll keep on wishing you well and sending our thoughts, and waiting for your world to get better...

Pru

PS: You're NOT self-pitying. You're drowning in sadness, and having to courage to say so is not remotely self-pitying, it's just being honest...

Pru

Oh Adrian, how devastating....I'm so sorry to hear the news of your break-up.

I know you must be feeling at your lowest right now. I'm not going to give you any crappy platitudes, because I know how it feels when people do that. My world fell apart last year and when well-meaning people said all the 'it's going to be all right' stuff to me I wanted to stab them (lol, sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth).
Life isn't fair, but you have to go on and take each day as it comes. Don't project too far into the future because it will send you insane and make you angry.

I don't know you personally away from this blog but in my opinion you're a top bloke with a brilliant sense of humour, and you obviously have so many friends who love and support you. You have to hold on to the important things, they will keep you strong.

I can't say any more other than to send you my best wishes and tell you that I hope things get better for you.

Catherine

Adrian, I have to say, I am very saddened by your blog today. I agree with the mom who posted that they are always coming up with new drugs and new procedures that can help you with the GVHD. Hold on to HOPE. You are truly a special person. I can not begin to imagine how you are feeling, but I pray you will find comfort and healing from your family and friends and from those of us who care for you. May God Bless you.

hello
i'm gutted for you
i think its sad that poppy had to leave you. i think if she truely loved you then she would stick by you no matter what. on the other hand i can kind of understand why leaving seemed like her best option.

watching somebody you love so much get ill, deteriorate etc is the hardest thing i have ever done. but i would relive every minute with my little bro a thousand times over if i could.

keep ya pecker up!!
you've come to far to give up now

jo
xx

Dear Adrian, probably Poppy was not ready to love the new man you have became after GVHD has came in your life.As a nurse i often see this kind of events.But this doesn't mean that you won't have a family in your future life.When i met Mirco , my husband, he was already ill.I knew what i was goig through, but i didn't care because i felt in love with him , as he was and i do still love him maybe more than ever now.I do not see the ill man, but the man.He often tells me that his illness has saved him, because he can see what it really means to be alive, and he feels lucky (he had lost his parents when he was a child, one of his brothers had big troubles with drugs,he had leukemia and GVHD..)even if life has put lots of obstacles in front of him.When i ask him if he doesn't feel angry sometimes, he answers "no, because I do trust life and every time that everithing is going bad,something happens and you get on your feet again".It's true.And i am sure that somebody is looking for the new man you've became.
Love,Giorgia
P.S.sorry for my not very good english!!!

ps when i first saw the heading heartbreak i thought the worst and that you had lost the fight!
so glad you're still here x
you are an inspiration
x

Dear Adrian,
Dreams can take you a long way and I’ve often found they can be a catalyst for an event becoming real. To help start your dreams how about, you sell your story to a Hollywood movie mogul and it becomes a block buster.

The movie inspires millions around the world, the story illustrating your determination to win and the support you gained from people who cared for a fellow human being. You then go on and enjoy a life full of the simple things that seem so distant at this moment in time.

It could happen, so look forward and start dreaming.

Adrian,
I have only posted one previous comment, even though I keep up with your blog every week.
Just wanted you that you are in my thoughts and that I hope things start to look up for you soon.
Dawn x

Hey. It's the other Baldy again.

I think almost anybody who has had a BMT and has lived through it, could write that list. It sure struck a chord with me. At the same time though, people with bone marrow transplants do fall in love, get married, find fulfilling work...and carry on.

We do have a future and you have every possibility of getting better.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know it feels like getting kicked it the balls when you're already on the floor.

addy,

dnt feel sad , dnt feel bad ..u are a true hero fighting all over the odds . U are an amazing guy and just want to say keep your heads up . Things happen when you have no control but you can fight it and kick large on the butt of all problems with your strong will. lots love xoxo..
A friend

Hi Adrian,
Thinking about you and hoping you are up to blogging again soon.
Best wishes
Clare

Hello Adrian,

There are no many words that I can say to make you feeling better but I truly believe that you are a beautiful person inside and outside, incredible brave and that now you deserve all the possible happiness. Now maybe you cannot see it but your life make you a stronger person preparing you to the fantastic things that are going to happen....I am sure...

Paola xxx

Just read your story in the Mail and logged on.
I have no experience with your illness and I can't comment or try to be positive for you. I am just an anonymous reader who is touched by your story and especially sad (and a little angry) that your love has left you.

What a beautiful person you are, with or without hair, ill or healthy, happy or sad, problems or none you are beautiful and when you are truly beautiful other beautiful people do not see any of the bad things you talk about. It shines from you in your photos and no illness or depression or tragedy will ever take that away from you.

When we look at the world today and especially young people, it's usually bad things but your story and you are inspirational - you restore faith in humanity. Your ex girlfriend, no matter how much you love and miss her now, has forgotten your beauty. She will remember it one day and realise what a diamond she lost. I can't criticise her as she has her reasons but she will regret losing her diamond!!!

Good luck and I will keep logging onto your blogg to show myself that there are some truly wonderful people out there!!

My mum had a very serious stroke 10 years ago, left her disabled down left side, unable to walk etc, she had thyroid problems, developed mild diabetes, lost all her teeth, has a nerve in her mouth which constanly pulls and is very painful, she has sores on her back, she lost her husband 8 weeks ago and now she has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having a mastectomy in 2 weeks time. She is an exceptionally brave lady, I don't know how she copes with it all but she is an inspiration to me and the rest of the family. You are exceptionally brave too and an inspiration to your friends and family and life is never all bad, there is some good too. Good luck and God bless.

Adrian,

Just read your story too. I am so sorry that you feel so sad and lost, not least because you are coping with your circumstances in a way that simply amazes and inspires the rest of us. Remember too that you are touching the lives of masses of people by sharing your experience with great courage, and undoubtedly you have touched the lifes of Poppy, your family friends and colleagues in a profound way. Plus you have a new entry to the list of Good Points: Adrian Sudbury is officially famous owing to Baldy's Blog!

We're all rooting for you.

David

Hi Addy
When Hannah told us the awful news I felt so bad for you and Poppy. You are both so young and this is such a harsh thing to cope with. I think Poppy is so brave to tell you how she felt, and to be honest. And I think for you it must have left you feeling so desolate. I am truly sorry that both your lives have been scarred in this way. I suppose it is natural to assume that your illness is the cause of the break-up. But you may have split up, even without the illness. For those who have met you and Poppy they will know that the relationship you had was good, and fun and nice and exciting. Poppy isn't a shallow person - she didn't turn away because she didn't care, or couldn't cope, or because she didn't want to commit to you. She split up because HER feelings changed. I am in awe that she had the strength and honesty to do that. That doesn't reflect badly on you - but it is very sad. Please try to keep going - I know it will be hard - but please try.
Lesley

Yesterday it was yucky and grey and my tube ride to work was dismal. Can't get a seat so try to read my paper whilst not losing my footing and ending up in the lap of someone who really wouldn't appreciate it. Then I open up to your story and think 'What a Spunkrat!' - that's what we call good looking guys in Australia. Then I read your story and nearly miss my stop because I am so engrossed. Get to me desk and log onto your blog and haven't stopped reading it yet. Actually think I may be about to get into trouble as I'm not getting much work done.
I can't and won't imagine how you deal with heartbreak with a side serving of cancer but what I can say is that you will have no problems getting some girl up the aisle. You are absolutely gorgeous (just as much as before)- loving the new hair - and who wouldn't want to spend time with someone that makes you want to laugh, cry and just be around them.
N.xxx

Hiya adrian, Like many others i have this week read about you in the daily mail.I was instantly hooked on your story and visited your blog for the first time.I have laughed and cried along with you and your friends and family.What a guy ! You must stay strong Adrian and I am sure life will Improve.Most of us at some time have felt like stepping off the merry-go-round for a while but as someone else said, a day is only 24hrs and the dawn brings a new day full of new life.I am a mum of four and through a set of circumstances I became a single mum.I also wanted to step off the merry-go-round .... However i hung on in there and although I have had bad days, most of them are great.Famly and friends will always see you through.Do you know what? My life is now better than it ever was because i persevered and stayed strong.I also met a great guy and I thought I would never love or be loved again... So Adrian, yes life is tough and we have our hearts broken but we can go on to love and be loved again.
I hope your health Improves and you start to feel better in yourself.You look great, a very handsome young man not unlike my own 23 yr old son.I am sure all the girls will be falling at your feet.Remember, its what is inside your soul that makes you the person you are, not whether you are having a flaky skin/bad hair day !!!
Stay strong, We are all thinking of you.
Tracey and family x x

Hi Adrian

Reading your story in the Mail nearly broke my heart. I logged on to get an update and to read all the wonderful messages you have received. How very kind people are, some you know some you dont, but we all wish you well and hope you find the strength and determination to fight your battle. We are all with you spiritually every step of the way.
Never forget what a wonderful person you are.
God Bless

Chrissyxx